Do YOU know the Maury Povich show??

[singer1]

The revised song is now available for you to hear the changes made. "Don't Go Away", 7/25/11 mix. See waht you think. D.B.
.... the only race we're in, is the human race... D.B.
www.taxi.com/davebradley

[davewalton]

Just kind of lurking on this thread (because I don't do lyrics... not much help in that area). But I wanted to say how great it is that it started off being one thing (kind of a venting of frustration) and ended up being something completely different (an open-minded exploration of alternative lyrics and ideas). I think that is so cool and it's a perfect example of how we all learn and get better.

[singer1]

My goodness yes!!! Dave, you have hit this one right out of the park!! I was just gazing at the screen saying almost the same thing. You guys are the greatest!! D.B.
REMEMBER, ... the only race we're in, is the human race... D.B.
www.taxi.com/davebradley

[sedge]

Hi Dave,

The new version.
"I don't want to star in your circus show"

Nice !

I have gotten close to this song now! but stepping right back and taking my crit head off, it's a cracking song , love your energy and that wins out for me outside Taxi and just as a listener.

but back to lyric crit head..
Still not entirely clear about the 'plane', no background, no specifics - you have had some time , some love, your at the airport, you want to go, she wants you to stay
+ the odd line delivery felt a little 'read' or didn't flow naturally - only a smidge (being very picky)

Lyrics change or no I would be proud of this, love that smashing riff that breaks out.
It is much better without the Maury Show reference too - deffo

"don't go away" - That's the girl saying to you right? Might need a little "she cries" or similar somewhere to get that across.

All in all, miles better lyrically! I hope you get some more thoughts on the words, I know the story now so it's quite a challenge to step back and wipe what I already know when I hear hear it too

Hope I helped the journey
Thanks for the comment on my tune here too, I get that too, like some train thing! Neat thanks.

Kind regards, ttyl

Sedge

[sedge]

Just kind of lurking on this thread (because I don't do lyrics... not much help in that area). But I wanted to say how great it is that it started off being one thing (kind of a venting of frustration) and ended up being something completely different (an open-minded exploration of alternative lyrics and ideas). I think that is so cool and it's a perfect example of how we all learn and get better.

Here here DaveW! Forum's buzzin!

[singer1]

You guys are the greatest!! D.B.

... the only race we're in, is the human race... D.B.
www.taxi.com/davebradley