I wasn’t able to listen on good headphones or speakers (laptop speakers only). I agree with the comments that the vocal volume could be more even and a bit lower and the keys in there seem out of place—might be better without or replaced with something else.
The feel of the song as a SONG is great and fits. I love the chorus and its metaphor!
Ignoring production, I think the lyrics are a weak point that might be a show stopper. You have a lot of images thrown in (maybe too many) but sometimes they don’t all work together or are clunky.
The song opens with:
>> Broken glass in breaking waves
>> That’s how you wore upon me
That sounds like a negative as to how she affected you but the rest of the song is about all the good she did. It doesn’t make sense.
>> You blunt what’s sharp so I don’t cut
Clunky, non-conversational
>> And brought the rust and green grass
>> To overgrow my sin
>> Held my shaking through the war
Not sure how “rust” is a good thing but I may be missing something.
“Overgrow my sin”: Non-conversational and awkward
“Held my shaking”: You can STOP someone’s shaking, but you really can’t HOLD it.
Those were just examples. At some point, I’d re-write this song, keeping the great chorus but re-doing the rest. You don’t want a hodge-podge of metaphors and forced rhymes,.. needs something more cohesive as a whole.
Also, I wouldn’t open with a line that has the word “waves” in it, I’d save that word for the chorus. Makes the chorus more effective…
Best of luck!
CaseyBurt Crow wrote:
A lot of Waves on the Shore
1.
Broken glass in breaking waves
That’s how you wore upon me
You blunt what’s sharp so I don’t cut
Made me a thing of beauty
That chases light in the dawn
Ch
Now that’s a lot of waves, a lot of waves
That’s a lot of waves on the shore
2.
Bleeding rain on a battlefield
You washed the dirt of my skin
And brought the rust and green grass
To overgrow my sin
Held my shaking through the war
Ch
Bridge
Drowning in sands of time
You raised me up on your tide
Ch (rpt)
