No Mans Land (The Escape)

[LooknGlass]

I agree with Tom on this lyric..not many songs on this subject, bravo for writing Her escape. When I get on to some subjects I have a tendency to over-write so much, know what I mean? I want to say far more than there is room for. I`m ok with the lyric, and good title to the song also.

Thanks Vincent, I appreciate your input. And believe me, I tend to over think things too and later have to shorten it, as I actually did with this before I posted it. Thanks again for taking the time to read and comment.

[songmaster]

My pleasure. This is a really solid song. I wish I had thought of it . Good luck.

Tom

[melodymessiah]

Bridge

She doesn't want to live a life in shame
she knows he's the only one to blame
Maybe there's a promise land
Where broken hearts can beat to mend.

just a suggestion

[melodymessiah]

i think your own bridge was much stronger

[LooknGlass]

I have been racking my brain on this. There have been so many good suggestions and idea's that I have had trouble deciding how to go with this. Here is a recent rewrite or draft and your honest opinions would be appreciated as always. I am still working on a better 4th verse. Still not sure about that. I did change it, but I'm not sure it still has "fluency". Every verse has been changed slightly.


(Vs.1)
Couldn't bear to glance in the rear view mirror
Kept eyes on the road as the world passed by her
She was leaving that troubled life behind

(Vs.2)
With each passing mile she was getting stronger
Knew there was no threat to her any longer;
could almost feel a touch of peace of mind

(Chorus)
She's goin nowhere
Anywhere
Somewhere other than what was there
She's off to no man's land
Far from groping hands
She's off to no man's land

(Vs.3)
Loved her mother, but never told her goodbye
mama's denial was just as bad as his lie;
that she was lying about him out of spite

(Vs.4)
Having packed her suitcase by the light of the moon
went on the roof through the window of her room
shimmied down and drove off into the night

(Chorus)
She's goin nowhere
Anywhere
Somewhere other than what was there
She's off to no man's land
Far from groping hands
She's off to no man's land

(Bridge)
Seventeen with ten years of shame
She's going now while she still can
Leaving behind her guilt and pain
and the touch of fathers hands

(Chorus)
She's goin nowhere
Anywhere
Somewhere other than what was there
She's off to no man's land
Far from her father's hands
She's off to no man's land


© L. James Tanner

[melodymessiah]

looking for collabs? wrote a song to your lyrics. please let me know and i'll send you a link.

tried to pm you twice...

[simonsays]

I read a disturbing article in the paper that I wish I hadn't read and wrote this. In the song I wanted the girl to escape, unlike her real life counterpart. Comments and suggestions are welcome and appreciated. LooknGlass,
please feel free to keep or sweep, as you see fit.
Steve (aka,SimonSays)


(Vs.1)
She looked out the window as the world passed by her I agree with Mike Short here. "passed her by" sounds natural ... "passed by her" sounds forced to match "rear view mirror". I pictured her as a passenger on a train, bus, or car. (Passengers can afford to watch the world "go bye"/past their windows. Drivers doing so ... will soon find there lives going bye bye. )
Couldn't bear to glance in the rear view mirror
Dee was leaving that troubled life behind I also second Mikes universal comment here.
V2 seems a little wordy to me. IMO, V2 could be condensed without losing anything vital. For example;
(Vs.2)
With each passing mile she was getting much stronger With each mile -- she felt stronger
Knew there was no threat to her any longer Knew there was no threat -- any longer
Her escape from that hell was well designed Her escape from 'Hell' ... was well designed.

The V1/V2 (behind/designed) rhyme didn't bother me like it did Mike.

LooknGlass, I love the second half of your chorus, but this first part seems repetitive to me to little purpose .
After "she's going nowhere" ... I expected "fast". Then maybe something about her trying to escape her past. "Trying not to crash ... into her past?" "Didn't even stop for gas?"
(Chorus)
She's goin nowhere
Anywhere
Somewhere other than what was there

She's off to no man's land Nice repetition of your hook here!
Far from her fathers hands
She's off to no man's land

(Vs.3)
Loved her (dear?) mother but never told her goodbye No way can I believe her calling her Mom "dear' ... not after she didn't believe her!
Was just as well, mom had believed her dads lie; I second Mike again here with the (Lie/lying) match-up. Maybe something like " ... Mom taking dad's side" then "She thought Dee was lying out of spite"?
that Dee was lying to her out of spite

(Vs.4)
Having packed her suitcase by the light of the moon
went out the window to the roof from her room
with stolen keys drove off into the night

(Chorus)
She's goin nowhere
Anywhere
Somewhere other than what was there
She's off to no man's land
Far from her fathers hands
She's off to no man's land

(Bridge)
Seventeen with ten years of shame Seventeen years ... with ten of shame
She (thinks) all men will be (like him) She (fears) all men will be (the same)
So she's headed to a no mans land
To escape the hands of men

(Chorus)
She's goin nowhere
Anywhere
Somewhere other than what was there
She's off to no man's land
Far from fathers hands
She's off to no man's land



© L. James Tanner