Worst gig scenario

[nknjmes]

For me it could have been one of the many Tuesday 11:30pm gigs with only 2 or 3 people in the venue. Or perhaps it was when my band played in a yuppie bar where everyone was incredibley rude, so our singer called out to the audience off stage left and said "everyone over there...you all suck!" No, that was good, it was definitely the late empty gigs that were worse.

[grandmatarkin]

This is kind of a worst gig for me... Picture it:Small town, Van Morrison is here to do a concert. I'm playing at the only piano bar in town (he's doing his concert the next night) So in walks a guy and a girl... and the guy looks suspiciously like Van Morrison. I say to the barstaff that it's probably him and that's basically met with "nooooo... can't be..."So as a joke, having fun with the bar staff... I start playing van morrison songs in very odd ways... different styles, etc, just to get a laugh out of my friends at the bar. I play some other songs by different artists and say things like "here's one of my fave's from Van Morrison" and then I'll start playing "Sex Bomb"... things like that.So after about 20 minutes, without finishing his beer, he and his companion leave. I think nothing of it. He pays with credit card and yup, sure enough... it was the VAN. I'm glad his famous temper was tempered that night, or he probably would have broken my nose We all laugh about it now, but at the time, the owner of the bar was pretty pissed (and rightfully so, I might add!) Dave

[mazz]

This didn't happen to me but it was pretty funny:Last holiday season I was playing jazz at a private party with a bass player I've played with before. The host kept asking us to turn it down. The room was kind of live and we were doing our best to accomodate them.On a break the bass player was remined of this story: At some gig he was playing, the hostess came up to the band and said "could you turn it down, we can still hear you".Pretty sad, pretty funny Mazz

[53mph]

Quote:This is kind of a worst gig for me... Picture it:Small town, Van Morrison is here to do a concert. I'm playing at the only piano bar in town (he's doing his concert the next night) So in walks a guy and a girl... and the guy looks suspiciously like Van Morrison. I say to the barstaff that it's probably him and that's basically met with "nooooo... can't be..."So as a joke, having fun with the bar staff... I start playing van morrison songs in very odd ways... different styles, etc, just to get a laugh out of my friends at the bar. I play some other songs by different artists and say things like "here's one of my fave's from Van Morrison" and then I'll start playing "Sex Bomb"... things like that.So after about 20 minutes, without finishing his beer, he and his companion leave. I think nothing of it. He pays with credit card and yup, sure enough... it was the VAN. I'm glad his famous temper was tempered that night, or he probably would have broken my nose We all laugh about it now, but at the time, the owner of the bar was pretty pissed (and rightfully so, I might add!) DaveLOL! That is pretty funny! I hear Van Morrison doesn't have much of a sense of humour, especially when it comes to paying taxes.

[53mph]

Quote:We have a club owner like that here, Shak--no chicken wire in the bar but he hires gorillas for bouncers. But once you get through Sam's gross and rude exterior you find a heart of lead and a rude and gross interior. So it pays to be patient. A couple Saturdays ago we were playing at a bar across the street and around 10 pm we lost our crowd for a while because they all went out to watch the fight at Sam's place. (It started inside, but I suspect the contestants were requested to take their fun outside.) The loser is still in the hospital from close encounters with the pavement and the winner still hiding somewhere. The street was all blocked with yellow police tape (you'd think they could find a better color) and I had to lug my gear to the truck, cause the police were blocking the front of the bar. Such a genteel profession we are in.This reads like a Bob Dylan song....Nice one!

[sgs4u]

Back in '82, I was in a southern rock band. All our material was either, Skynyrd, Little Feat, Allman's or ZZ Top, and a bunch of originals. Big band, frontman from Kansas, 2 chicks, 3 guitars(yes 3) and bass & drums & me on keys and a tech. It was my first road experience, and my first gig in that band. We flew up to Whitehorse(right beside Alaska), for a 4 week stint at a decent bar. It would be 40 below everyday. We get off the plane, and the bar owner invites all 10 of us into his little office upstairs. There's a shotgun sitting on his desk. There is only 1 chair and it's his. We have to crowd around his desk with his shotgun sitting on it. He proudly announces there are no cops in town, so he takes care of any and all problems HIS way. He's the brother of a famous hockey player(who was also an a$$whole). He says to us, lites out in the band house, 1/2 hour after the gig is over, cause he shuts them out himself. He promises to fire the shotgun into our band house if he hears anyone making any F...ing noise after lights out. So of course we're all freaked by the nutcase, and we're just hoping to make it out alive (yes, a 4 week gig). On Monday nite, no one shows up, literally no one. After the 2nd of 3 sets, he walks up on stage and says "your fired, start packing up." There'a plane out of here tomorrow morning at 9AM(yes the only one back home). You're gonna be on it.At 7Am, he calls the leader into his office(shotgun still sitting there). He announces, I'm paying you for last nite, and that's it. I'm not paying any money for your stinking band's plane flights. If you don't sign this piece of paper here, that says you agreed to leave, you'll get no money at all. Now we had to buy new plane tickets to get the hell out of there, as well, because the flights he booked, were 4 weeks later. So he has the bandleader figuratively by the cajones, and the leader says yes, give us the measely $700. He couldn't possibly argue.The gig was for $4000 per week. He paid us $700(1/7 of a 7 nite gig) Plane tix and cargo fees were $2200. A gig that should have paid us $16,000, cost us $1500 just to get home alive. And the son of a B.... had a piece of paper signed by the bandleader saying we wouldn't sue for breach of contract because the band agreed to leave amiably, of its own accord. And of course he had the shotgun to enforce it. The band broke up on the flight home. We later sold the band's school bus to pay the bandleader's expenses.

[sgs4u]

This happened last Sunday, June 3rd.I was hired to sub for a regular piano player who needed the nite off. I'd done the gig before. No big deal. Casino style show band in black suits playing a James Brown, a Ray Charles, and a disco set. Really good band, really good frontman.The gig was a wrap party for this year's Canadian Footbal League Champions. All the players and their wives get all dolled up and get their Championship rings at this party. So I expect it's gonna be a good nite, with lots of interesting people to meet. The sound man says were not on until 10:30. OK fine, I go get a slice of pizza from the buffet in the Casino. I walked back into the green room at 10:10, and the front man's putting on the makeup. Some woman blasts into the dressing room, and shreaks, "Why aren't you guys on stage? You were supposed to start as soon as the ribbon was cut. (what ribbon, I think to myself) So we hustle up, get out there and we're ready in 3 or 4 minutes. Now the place is packed, with TV cameras, the Casino managers and the whole football leagues brass, as well as all those insanely well-dressed football players and their beautiful wives. These football players are all in their 20's. The frontman, in all his glory, comes out on stage in his Ray Charles rig, and promptly calls "Georgia," to get everything rolling. I think to myself, "Oh my God no, why the slow set now?" By the end of the 1st song, a room full of movers and shakers, and all these special party participants completely disappeared. 350 people turned into no one, in less than 4 minutes. No one. Even the waitresses were gone.The singer tries his best to call the audience all back into the room, but he's in his Ray Charles rig, and he is still pretending to be blind. He has to pretend he can't see all the people walking out. He starts making lame blind jokes, to a completely empty room. He became almost catatonic, which wasn't really that far out of character, 'cause he's pretending to be Ray Charles, sitting behind a fake piano. He looked like he was nodding off heroin. You couldn't have cut through the tension with a chain saw. He calls the 2nd song, another ballad, and the band starts to fall apart. The singer's mic shorts out. The band completely fell apart, everyone forgot arrangements, it was the most embarassing gig of my entire life. I couldn't wait to get out of there. I don't think I even said good-bye to anyone. This was only last week. My little studio, has become my little haven of sanity. This is where I come to pray everyday, that I will never have to do stupid gigs like that ever again.

[jeffe]

Quote:This happened last Sunday, June 3rd.I was hired to sub for a regular piano player who needed the nite off. I'd done the gig before. No big deal. Casino style show band in black suits playing a James Brown, a Ray Charles, and a disco set. Really good band, really good frontman.The gig was a wrap party for this year's Canadian Footbal League Champions. All the players and their wives get all dolled up and get their Championship rings at this party. So I expect it's gonna be a good nite, with lots of interesting people to meet. The sound man says were not on until 10:30. OK fine, I go get a slice of pizza from the buffet in the Casino. I walked back into the green room at 10:10, and the front man's putting on the makeup. Some woman blasts into the dressing room, and shreaks, "Why aren't you guys on stage? You were supposed to start as soon as the ribbon was cut. (what ribbon, I think to myself) So we hustle up, get out there and we're ready in 3 or 4 minutes. Now the place is packed, with TV cameras, the Casino managers and the whole football leagues brass, as well as all those insanely well-dressed football players and their beautiful wives. These football players are all in their 20's. The frontman, in all his glory, comes out on stage in his Ray Charles rig, and promptly calls "Georgia," to get everything rolling. I think to myself, "Oh my God no, why the slow set now?" By the end of the 1st song, a room full of movers and shakers, and all these special party participants completely disappeared. 350 people turned into no one, in less than 4 minutes. No one. Even the waitresses were gone.The singer tries his best to call the audience all back into the room, but he's in his Ray Charles rig, and he is still pretending to be blind. He has to pretend he can't see all the people walking out. He starts making lame blind jokes, to a completely empty room. He became almost catatonic, which wasn't really that far out of character, 'cause he's pretending to be Ray Charles, sitting behind a fake piano. He looked like he was nodding off heroin. You couldn't have cut through the tension with a chain saw. He calls the 2nd song, another ballad, and the band starts to fall apart. The singer's mic shorts out. The band completely fell apart, everyone forgot arrangements, it was the most embarassing gig of my entire life. I couldn't wait to get out of there. I don't think I even said good-bye to anyone. This was only last week. My little studio, has become my little haven of sanity. This is where I come to pray everyday, that I will never have to do stupid gigs like that ever again. Sounds like excellent material for a song Steve. You should have no trouble expressing the words in that. Seeing as you would be singing from personal experience

[mazz]

Oh Steve, what great stories. I don't blame you for wanting to stay in the studio, you've paid your dues!I almost had a chance to go to Alaska to play back in the early 80s but it never came through. I guess I'm glad about that now!Take care,John

[edteja]

ROFLMAO Steve!!! That is classic. I guess you are just lucky the audience didn't stick around for the Tony Orlando set.