Worst gig scenario

[53mph]

I thought I'd start a new thread where people can share their worst gig scenarios.I challenge anyone to better this experience of mine.I was once a member of a three piece folk band in the style of an accoustic Cowboy Junkies. Me on guitar, a female singer and an Australian guy on effects (I won't say guitar because he didn't really play anything, just played about with effects boxes to make his guitar sing like a whale or sound like a dust storm ). As you can probably imagine we were never very successful.One time we had a showcase gig lined up at a London venue. The night was hosted by a UK country band called Hankdogs (their guitarist/vocalist Andy played with ex-Sex Pistols` Steve Jones and Paul Cook in The Professionals and his daughters made up the rest of the band). They'd invited us down to play a set after we'd made friends playing at other venues with them.It was at a small but famous club called the 12bar club in London (lots of blues, country and folk acts play there). It's situated down a small alley off Tin Pan Alley (Londons music shop centre).We'd been putting the word around and a label guy from 4AD was coming just to see us as well as lots of press.I took half a day off work so that I could get there nice and early and do a nice long sound check (often a novelty at venues).I was walking down Charing Cross road to the venue when the street suddenly became cordoned off by police tape. This sometimes happens in London if there's been an accident so I decided to take an alternative route to the venue, but when I arrived at the opposite end of the street it too was cordoned off. Ok, I thought, no problem, I knew my way around that part of London like the back of my hand so I took one of the small Dickensesque alley ways to get to the venue, but this too was cordoned off. I tried every variation possible but I just couldn't get to the venue.I eventually bumped into some of the other musicians who were going to the same venue. No one knew what was happening. Then, a huge van arrived...it was unusually tall, about 3 metres, all black with no number plates. From the back of this truck poured police with machine guns and full body armour. They hit the ground running and made for...Tin Pan Alley.We discovered later that the police were raiding a drugs den right next door to the 12 bar club. It was a 4 storey building with reinforced steel doors, each floor was lined with reinforced steel and heavy duty alarm systems (I know I'd been there a few weeks before by invitation of a friend ). the police stormed it from the roof in an attempt to catch them with the maximum quantities of drugs. As is always the case with these places though, they managed to get rid off all the hard stuff before the police arrived.So we had to wait hours for this little operation to finish and by the time we made it to the venue the gig was already behind schedule (forget that nice long soundcheck), but undetered, the right people had made it and the venue was full. The guy from 4AD had already made his introductions and we were looking forward to a good gig.We took to the stage to do our set. The whale guitarists plugged all his effects in....and they blew up. I mean properly blew up. there was smoke, a little bit of fire (quickly put out) and all his effects units were destroyed. He told us to continue without him and went off to drink huge quantities of booze. Our singer bottled out though and we only played one song promising to return to the stage later if we managed to get our other guitarist up and going...which we didn't. As you can imagine, 4AD didn't offer us a deal.That has to rank as the the most disasterous gig I've ever played.

[Casey H]

Great story, 53 But just think... If someday you become famous, that story will be a great one to tell for interviews and your appearance on Letterman.I am a non-performer, so my worst gig stories have to do with listening to myself sing on tape and throwing up. Casey

[edteja]

Okay, my go. I got booked in The Black Swan in Toronto--traveling with harp player Jim Luke from Austin TX to do the gig and a bit for TV Ontario. We got one other gig and figured to break even on the trip...BUT. We had promoted the gig like no one's business, got on the radio, a write-up in Scene and so on. The owner was knocked out, said he'd never had a band from out of town do so much promo work.So that night the bar downstairs is humming. Unfortunately no one shows up upstairs at the gig except people we'd invited. Turns out that night the Stanley Cup playoffs went into some sort of super-extended overtime (ending at 2 am) AND there was a big deal Tyson fight. We played the gig for about eight people and the owner said we should come back anytime. But all we got was the guaranteed minimum. We didn't go back. The TV show was fun though.

[drew]

Being the consummate professional that I am nothing ever has, nor ever will go wrong for me, but one night some looney bird on stage (who claimed his guitar/amp rig went out) did his lead through his mic with his screeching vocals... is that nuts or what!

[53mph]

Drew,Was that looney bird Pete Frampton and his crazy guitar invention?Didn't really catch on.

[ernstinen]

Alright, I'll never forget this one! I was playing keys & guitar in a really good horn band. We got booked into a large bar outside of the armpit of America, Flint Michigan. It became obvious that it appealed to bikers, ex-cons, and people who carried guns and knives.The first night didn't go too well. We played our repertoire of funky rock songs, horns ablazing, but the crowd was more into drinking and making out. At the end of night, there was a scuffle near the door, and some guy grabbed our soundman by the neck, holding a knife, and backed out of the club followed by a big dude with a gun. Our soundman was a shield in the fight, and eventually got away from the action.So we went back to the worst shithole of a motel you've ever seen, drank beer, and planned our sets for the next night. We figured this crazy redneck crowd wanted some straight-ahead rock & roll. --- So night #2 we start playing 50's rock, 60's rock, 70's rock --- nothing worked. After a particularly raucous song, there was dead silence.We stood there on stage looking at each other, shrugging. Then a growling voice boomed from the back of the room: "GODDAMN IT, PLAY SOMETHING F^ckIN' MELLOW!. Aha! Ice-cream changes! I-vi-ii-V. "This Boy" etc. etc.The bikers and their chicks flooded the floor. All they wanted to do was bump fuzz.Worst gig of my life!Ern

[og]

Once played a very short set in the locked wards at UCLA--I think it was '79. I was a guest, I think.

[nomiyah]

Wow, how'd I miss this thread? One great post / horrible story after another. At first I thought I could top any of you but after reading, guess not. I can keep up though. Listen to this one.I was back-east in the middle of the Black Cowboy tour with reggae star Eek-A-Mouse, summer '99. Suddenly we got on a plane to San Diego to play a single gig, a party on a reservation at a Native American casino.The band was waiting in a parking lot where a limo was coming to bring us to the show and Mouse hadn't shown up yet. Finally the limo arrived and someone took a picture of me and the back up singers as you can see: http://www.nomiyah.com/dashboard/galler ... 0002.jpgWe kept waiting but Mouse still wasn't there.I noticed some helicopters but didn't think about it. Suddenly I heard gunshots. The guys in the band ignored me and someone said it was firecrackers. I moved to where I could look down the street and saw two policemen with drawn guns standing over a man on the ground. It was a large black man wearing cowboy boots. Eek-A-Mouse is about 6'8" and we were on the Black Cowboy tour so we wore cowboy gear. My heart started racing and I ran up the street to see his face, it wasn't him. This incident became a huge story in San Diego news involving police brutality and racism.After the excitement passed, the limo driver insisted we had to leave to go to the show, we were late. Mouse wasn't shot but also hadn't shown up yet but since he lives in San Diego we assumed he'd get to the gig on his own and we took off south. Just before the Mexican border we turned off the main roads and ended up on dirt roads. It was dark and dusty and the promoter met us and was obviously very upset about us being late. Apparently there were about 50,000 people who had been drinking and listening to bands all day in the sun. There had been a stabbing and some other incidents and no police on reservations and could we please get onstage right now even though Mouse wasn't here?We decided to go play a few instrumentals to stall the crowd and hope Mouse arrived in time. I grabbed my keyboard and leaving the backstage trailer the promoter told us if anything happens to run back to the trailer and they'd have security guard us. I was scared to be truthful. Then we walked up the rickety stairs to the handmade stage and I could feel the stage rocking because people were pushing on it and I could imagine the stage collapsing with a rioting crowd. To gain control of my fears, I boldly walked to the middle of the stage, raised my arm and gave a big wave and a smile. There was a huge cheer in the dusty darkness. After that moment, the story changed, Mouse walked on the stage during our second instrumental and everyone was happy and we got paid really well and had fun later on in the chief's house. The next day we got on a plane back to New York to continue the tour.(PS, if I'd thought how long this story would turn out I wouldn't have started it.)

[ernstinen]

Wow, Nomi! You're a poet and you don't know it!Great story ---Ern

[53mph]

Don't worry about writing long posts Nomi.When a stories worth telling, it's worth taking a bit of time in the delivery It's a bit scary though that guns seem to be the main feature of disasterous gigs. Following on from Ed Teja and badly attended gigs.The worst gig (for the performers) that I went to was in Edinburgh, Scotland during the two month festival they hold there every year.There was a venue on the Royal Mile (the main street in Edinburgh). My friend and I had booked tickets to see an avant garde theatre/music production (I know, what was I thinking ) by an American company. We made our way to the venue but...during the festival the Royal Mile is used by the Scottish Military Battallions as a show ground for their marching, kilt wearing and bagpipe playing (I think it must be some kind of torture to deter tourists coming back ) the road was closed off to pedestrians so we couldn't get to the venue.After much persuasion with the army people at the barriers they let us through....but it seems no-one else was so lucky, we were the only people there.It's the only time I've been to a theatre production where there were more people on the stage than in the audience. It was really uncomfortable as the actors were embarrassed and kept making eye contact and blushing. At the end we all sat around smoking together having a laugh about what had happened. Nice guys, and really talented. Good on them for putting on a show even with only two people. They returned the year after with a hugely successful show...in a more accessable venue