Anybody Got a Bridge?

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Patrick
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Anybody Got a Bridge?

Post by Patrick » Mon May 22, 2017 3:53 am

Years ago, I was sitting in my car with my gal when she pointed at the night sky and sighed, "If I wished upon that Star, would you make my dreams come true?'

We had been dating for quite some time, and it was her way of telling me she wanted to marry me.

That night I went home and penned the following. I've always been stuck on the bridge, though. Anybody wish to contribute? Or at least guide me in the right direction? Any suggestions or honest critiques would be appreciated.

Beautiful To Me

Well she always wears a smile
Under green eyes faded blue
As she lays down there beside me
And whispers 'I love you'

Won't you tell me all your troubles
You know I've got some too
If we spend a little time
We can work things through

(chorus) And sometimes I wonder, could you be any more beautiful
Still I wonder, could you be any more beautiful...to me.

If I wished upon a Star
Would you make my dreams come true?
Or will you live your life promising
Those empty words 'I do'

They say love can't wait forever
Believe you me I've tried
Tell me we will be together
And never question why

(repeat chorus)

-Insert bridge-

fade
Bad art can make you laugh
Good art can make you think
Great art can destroy you

- Me

(Did he just quote himself?? Yes! Yes I did!)

Patrick
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Re: Anybody Got a Bridge?

Post by Patrick » Mon May 22, 2017 12:12 pm

Hmmm...

I've been toying with this idea to kickstart the bridge-

So take my hand, we'll leave nothing left to chance

Dang this songwriting is hard! I guess if it was easy, everybody would be doing it. I find I've always gravitated towards hard stuff like golf, chess, songwriting and comedy. I like to think I'm quite good at all of the above...just not great, yet.

I know it's all about 'hours in' so to speak, but I find I'm either in the zone or I'm not when penning songs. I can't seem to write on any schedule.

Anyhoo, thanks for listening to my stream of conscience ramble. :)
Bad art can make you laugh
Good art can make you think
Great art can destroy you

- Me

(Did he just quote himself?? Yes! Yes I did!)

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Re: Anybody Got a Bridge?

Post by Len911 » Mon May 22, 2017 1:57 pm

Hey Patrick! Maybe it's because the chorus is the bridge, I mean the song is more about unquestioned beauty, and the chorus doesn't reinforce that theme, it is questioning it, more like a bridge might offer a contrast. "Beautiful to Me", in what way, time? still beautiful to me, was beautiful to me, is beautiful to me, used to be but now isn't beautiful to me? Analogy? like a ..., as a ..., etc.
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Re: Anybody Got a Bridge?

Post by Patrick » Mon May 22, 2017 2:20 pm

Thanks for the reply, Len911...

So you think the chorus IS the bridge? Interesting. I'll take that to heart and see if i can rework this song. I've come back to revisit this older piece of writing, and finding I'm stalled like I was before. You may have just provided me with the answer.

Thanks!
Bad art can make you laugh
Good art can make you think
Great art can destroy you

- Me

(Did he just quote himself?? Yes! Yes I did!)

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Re: Anybody Got a Bridge?

Post by brrrse » Mon May 22, 2017 2:24 pm

Apologies if it posts twice, I'm new.


So take my hand, we'll leave nothing to chance.
The stars are playing our song. May I have this dance?

Just an idea.
Tasha Parker Gibbs - singer/songwriter/composer
http://www.briarrosemcdougal.com
https://briarrosemcdougal.bandcamp.com/
https://soundcloud.com/tasha-parker-gibbs

The light shines on the worthy and unworthy equally.
Accept, don't expect.

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Re: Anybody Got a Bridge?

Post by Patrick » Tue May 23, 2017 10:32 am

Nice brrrse...I'll keep it in mind.

I think revisiting an old half song is a bit like getting back with your ex partner...you realize quickly why you parted ways in the first place.

I can be a bit of a snob I suppose. I consider a poem without music to be a job half done. But I believe I'll just have to keep the above prose as strictly a nice poem. I've kicked it around the yard now for ages, and I ain't getting nowhere.

I'm on medication for schizophrenia and find it difficult to write nowadays. I feel my best work was written before my diagnosis...when my world was full of colour.

Thanks y'all for chipping in with your ideas. I really enjoy the craft and process of songwriting. Perhaps one day I'll take one of my tunes and turn 'scrambled eggs' into 'Yesterday'. :)
Bad art can make you laugh
Good art can make you think
Great art can destroy you

- Me

(Did he just quote himself?? Yes! Yes I did!)

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Re: Anybody Got a Bridge?

Post by brrrse » Tue May 23, 2017 11:45 am

I don't see it as unfinished or incomplete. I think it is perfect as it is, whatever term you put on it. Hugs to you on your journey :)
Tasha Parker Gibbs - singer/songwriter/composer
http://www.briarrosemcdougal.com
https://briarrosemcdougal.bandcamp.com/
https://soundcloud.com/tasha-parker-gibbs

The light shines on the worthy and unworthy equally.
Accept, don't expect.

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Re: Anybody Got a Bridge?

Post by funsongs » Tue May 23, 2017 12:55 pm

From the Peanut Gallery - and late to this party... but I had the same response as the comment about using what you have marked as the beginning of your Chorus as the Bridge: maybe like this...
and change the pronoun from 'she' to 'you'... be consistent: to make it personal, universally-appealing for someone else to say
to their sweetheart:

If I Wished

Verse 1)
You always wear a smile
Under green eyes faded blue
As you lie there beside me
And whisper "I love you"
Pre-Chorus)
...and you said,
Chorus)
"If I wished upon a Star
Would you make my dreams come true?
Or will you live your life promising
Those empty words 'I do'.."
Verse 2)
Won't you tell me all your troubles
You know I've got some too
If we spend a little time
We can work things through
Pre-Chorus)
...and you said,
Chorus)
"If I wished upon a Star
Would you make my dreams come true?
Or will you live your life promising
Those empty words 'I do'.."
Bridge)
And sometimes I wonder, could you be any more beautiful
They say love can't wait forever; believe me - I've tried
Still I wonder, could you be any more beautiful...to me
Tell me we will be together and never question why
Pre-Chorus)
...and you said,
Chorus)
"If I wished upon a Star
Would you make my dreams come true?
Or will you live your life promising
Those empty words 'I do'.."
Tag)
...if I wished

Hope that helps; cheers.
Peter Rahill
https://soundcloud.com/funsongs-1
https://taxi.com/peterrahill
“The future aint what it use to be.” - Yogi Berra

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Re: Anybody Got a Bridge?

Post by Patrick » Tue May 23, 2017 1:20 pm

Wow! That's wonderful, funsongs!

Thanks for taking the time and presenting this back to me in another fashion. I'll put on my musical propeller beanie and see what I can do with this. :)
Bad art can make you laugh
Good art can make you think
Great art can destroy you

- Me

(Did he just quote himself?? Yes! Yes I did!)

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Re: Anybody Got a Bridge?

Post by funsongs » Tue May 23, 2017 1:39 pm

Patrick wrote:Wow! That's wonderful, funsongs!

Thanks for taking the time and presenting this back to me in another fashion. I'll put on my musical propeller beanie and see what I can do with this. :)
Hey, Patrick - no worries!
You had all the good ingredients already, as 'the recipe'...
I just tried to help make em blend together to make em 'tasty', as they tell us your story! :P

Can't wait to hear your idea for the music presentation... you got a melody & hook for the Chorus?

May The Force Be With You.
Peter Rahill
https://soundcloud.com/funsongs-1
https://taxi.com/peterrahill
“The future aint what it use to be.” - Yogi Berra

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