Hilarious Reviews (of your music)

[drew]

These are just a few of the many comments about my singing abilityHe reminds me of an armory battalion that couldn't hit a bull in the butt with a fist-full of BBs.~ Stormin' Norman SchwarzkopfIf I were dead I'd roll over in my grave. Thank you, thank you very much~ ElvisIt sounded like a truck load of empty milk cans collided with a truck load of pigs.~ MattoI wanted to cut my other ear off.~ Vincent van GoghI think his high note pulverized my gallstones.~ Drew’s PastorI thought I was in a room that was full of cats and rocking chairs.~ ErnYou'll never hear that in an elevator.~ Hummin’birdIf this is what Hades will be like, it will make my job easier.~ The PopeWe could deport him instead of the illegal aliens.~ John McCainWhaaatt……?~ Screener #666I think he sings so good, and he’s handsome too.~ Drew’s GrandmaOur band decided it would be better to break up than to let you in.~ OnOffOnI’m full of hope that I’ll be elected so I can appoint him Ambassador of Ohmbawawa.~ Barack ObamaI guess it’s too late for him to amount to something.~ Drew’s Dad

[lexz]

What a great thread - with so many great posts! They say all good things must come to an end, so My favorite is ..."I'd rather make love to my dead ex-wife at the landfill than listen to another moment of your music."... not so much "hilarious" as it is accurate ... !! - Lex -

[davidharrell]

I'm quoting this from memory (it's been nearly 20 years...), but a local music reviewer clearly didn't like the vocalist in an early band of mine:"Evidently, the other members of the Beyond are unable or unwilling to sing. Butler is willing."That was the beginning of the review and the rest of it was even worse -- he hated the vocals, the songs, the song titles, the lyrics, etc. However, we were able to pull one slightly positive three-word phrase from the piece ("recalls early Yardbirds") and ended up using it as a quote in our press kit.

[mikedunbar]

I had a fellow tell me: "Every note you played was better than the next one."

[davekershaw]

Jul 10, 2008, 11:14am, mikedunbar wrote:I had a fellow tell me: "Every note you played was better than the next one."

[davekershaw]

Jul 10, 2008, 7:09am, drew wrote:I wanted to cut my other ear off.~ Vincent van Gogh

[mojobone]

Jul 10, 2008, 10:12am, davidharrell wrote:I'm quoting this from memory (it's been nearly 20 years...), but a local music reviewer clearly didn't like the vocalist in an early band of mine:"Evidently, the other members of the Beyond are unable or unwilling to sing. Butler is willing."That was the beginning of the review and the rest of it was even worse -- he hated the vocals, the songs, the song titles, the lyrics, etc. However, we were able to pull one slightly positive three-word phrase from the piece ("recalls early Yardbirds") and ended up using it as a quote in our press kit.My fave, so far. Who, among us hasn't "salvaged" a bad review in this manner, even if just for spite... From my local music messageboard, a one-line review of a band called, "No Apparent Reason"-No apparent talent, either. Put me in mind of J D Considine's Short Takes reviews in Rolling Stone; someone should collect them in a book....Another from my local, "If I had your (guitar) tone I'd smash my gear , stomp it to dust and then burn the dust".

[squids]

Jul 10, 2008, 7:09am, drew wrote: It sounded like a truck load of empty milk cans collided with a truck load of pigs.~ Matto Review of Matto's...uh.....review (heh): I had no idea he was such a descriptive writer! And that he was a farmer! In LA!!

[hummingbird]

When I first moved to the island, I participated in a "neighbourhood showcase" at the local high school, where I sang three songs. There was a review in the paper that waxed eloquent about all of the performers but only included me by saying one short sentence "Vikki Flawith proved that she knows how to sing a ballad." I was never sure if that was meant to be sarcastic or not

[kg]

Jul 10, 2008, 3:21am, feaker wrote:the track is outrageous but may just work in the right avenueI think I would be seriously confused by that Jul 10, 2008, 10:12am, davidharrell wrote:"Evidently, the other members of the Beyond are unable or unwilling to sing. Butler is willing."OMG Hahahahahahaha...anything that starts with evidently is a sure sign of pain to come. Brilliant.Jul 10, 2008, 11:14am, mikedunbar wrote:I had a fellow tell me: "Every note you played was better than the next one."I guess it was all downhill, huh? Jul 10, 2008, 3:33pm, mojobone wrote:"No Apparent Reason"-No apparent talent, either. I think the word apparent[ly] is a close second to evidently ROFLDrew and Lex clearly have as many issues as I do or more This is fun, guys. Thanks for making me laugh.