"Roses For No Reason"- Demo in Peer to Peer

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ontariolightning
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Re: Country story song- "Roses For No Reason"

Post by ontariolightning » Thu Jun 18, 2009 9:54 am

sorry yeah the bridge sure (shore) and your, most publishers would tell you to find a better rhyme

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Re: Country story song- "Roses For No Reason"

Post by ontariolightning » Thu Jun 18, 2009 9:54 am

one problem with ol duke is we don't know who ol duke is...I could assume it was a man

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Re: Country story song- "Roses For No Reason"

Post by ontariolightning » Thu Jun 18, 2009 9:56 am

IMO I would leave the dog right out of the whole lyric altogether, he serves no purpose

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Re: Country story song- "Roses For No Reason"

Post by bucyboy » Thu Jun 18, 2009 11:29 am

Now don't try and take my dog away, he goes everywhere with me! I'm willing to bet that 95% maybe 99% of people will figure Ole' Duke for a dog. If not, let them think what they want. I suppose it doesn't hurt to explore all the possibilities. The dog kind of sets up what kind of person the storyteller is. He's the type of guy that takes his dog everywhere, a good ole' country boy!Buc

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Re: Country story song- "Roses For No Reason"

Post by ontariolightning » Thu Jun 18, 2009 11:36 am

Man's best friend yo

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Re: Country story song- "Roses For No Reason"

Post by matthoggard » Thu Jun 18, 2009 12:03 pm

Jun 18, 2009, 12:54pm, ontariolightning wrote:sorry yeah the bridge sure (shore) and your, most publishers would tell you to find a better rhymeWell Aaron and I disagree on another one! No I am not stalking you!!I love the imperfect rhyme in the bridge. I think most publishers are just looking for great songs and hooks. I seriously doubt that this rhyme would be an issue. IMO good writers use imperfect rhymes as sign posts to say "hey I can rhyme without using dr seuss"!I met with a publisher in Nashville a week ago and he said point blank, "Im not worried about rhymes, I want great songs". Sure the rhymes have to be good but thats not his focus. Thats just one publisher though.Aaron's gonna throw something at me pretty soon! Nice Lyric Buc.

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Re: Country story song- "Roses For No Reason"

Post by adrienne » Thu Jun 18, 2009 12:03 pm

Hey Buc. I like this lyric a lot and it's a great idea. I think the aaba structure idea could work too so you may want to give it a try. The only lyric that doesn't sit right with me is the word "daddy". Most grown men don't call their fathers daddy. They'd call them dad, pa, pop. I think the term daddy would only work if a girl were singing the song (which obviously doesn't work with your story. A small change but I think it's a worthwhile one. Cool song Interested to hear the demo when you get it done.

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Re: Country story song- "Roses For No Reason"

Post by ontariolightning » Thu Jun 18, 2009 12:07 pm

Jun 18, 2009, 3:03pm, matthoggard wrote:Jun 18, 2009, 12:54pm, ontariolightning wrote:sorry yeah the bridge sure (shore) and your, most publishers would tell you to find a better rhymeWell Aaron and I disagree on another one! No I am not stalking you!!I love the imperfect rhyme in the bridge. I think most publishers are just looking for great songs and hooks. I seriously doubt that this rhyme would be an issue. IMO good writers use imperfect rhymes as sign posts to say "hey I can rhyme without using dr seuss"!I met with a publisher in Nashville a week ago and he said point blank, "Im not worried about rhymes, I want great songs". Sure the rhymes have to be good but thats not his focus. Thats just one publisher though.Aaron's gonna throw something at me pretty soon! Nice Lyric Buc.It's not about the rhyme per say Matt, it's about manipulating the word to make it rhyme, it's basically forced, I've been told about it by publishers and of the critiques I get, whenever I try to sneak in a forced rhyme someone always catches it lol, it wouldn't matter but unless you're from new jersey then you probably won't say sure "shore"

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Re: Country story song- "Roses For No Reason"

Post by bucyboy » Thu Jun 18, 2009 1:08 pm

Thanks for the feedback Matt and Adrienne. Actually where I live and where you live Adrienne guys do not call their father daddy. I lived in Texas for several years and I lived in Nashville for several years, and I was surprised, but most of the guys/men referred to their fathers as daddy. It was very common. I don't know if it is the same way now or not. I'll have to ask some of my friends from Texas and Nashville and see if that's still the case. I do appreciate all the comments! The main thing is to make the song as best as it can be.Buc

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Re: Country story song- "Roses For No Reason"

Post by lyricboy » Thu Jun 18, 2009 2:23 pm

Buc - Sorry I didn't get to meet you in the 'ville. Maybe we can get together sometime for a beer. My sister lives in Buffalo and we get up there a few times a year.Anyway. Love the lyrics. Nice one. I had a couple of nits. Small potatoes, but if you want 'em, here goes:Chorus 1, line 4Playground slides and pony ridesIt seems to me that Mama might be a bit old for that, though I have no doubt that she could like them. I think maybe:Kids on slides and pony ridesmight work a little more neatly.V3, line 2I think you can afford to fit an "It" before appears in this line. Flows better to my ear.Chorus 2, line 3Switch "Of" for an "And"I personally LOVE the changeup, structure, rhyme, sentiment and package of the last 3 lines of Chorus 1 and Chorus 2 AND Chorus 3.On the Bridge, I have no problem with that rhyme... I just have a slight twinge at "Your wife" when he's talking about his mom. Unless it's a Step-mom. But the best I could come up with now was:How'm I gonna know my wife like you know Mama's heartHe said, you will in time son, and here's a real fine place to startLastly, Chorus 3, Line 2I think "moonlit" scans better than "moonlight".Hey, I admitted they were tiny... but I think they all can add up. Take what you like and disregard the rest... It won't hurt my feelings if I'm wrong about one or two of those.

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