"Show me, don't tell me" (Indirectly!)

[pitterpatter]

I have to agree that Carly Simon does an excellent job of painting the picture in that song as well as in some other of her other songs such as 'Yellow taxi.'(I think that's the title.)

[hookstownbrown]

One of my all-time favorite blues lyrics. Not just a great picture, but visuals complete with unspoken emotion -- Deceit, heartbreak, anger, denial... And a really clever perspective.By John NewtonToo Many Dirty DishesToo many dirty dishes in the sink for just us two I said, too many dirty dishes in the sink for just us two You got me wonderin' baby Who's makin' dirty dishes with you? I get up an' go to work in the mornin' I come right home at night When I leave the sink is empty When I come back home She got 'em stacked up out of sight Too many dirty dishes in the sink just for us two Well you got me wonderin' baby, Who's makin' dirty dishes with you? (Spoken: Look at this kitchen! Pots an' pans, ev'rywhere, it's pitiful! Look at all these glasses layin' all up on the sink! Looks like she even had a party up in here, too You wait 'til I see this woman, when she get home That glass over there, got a cigar in it or somethin' I don't smoke no cigar Um, servin' caviar I don't eat no caviar What's wrong with this woman? All these pots in here, gonna run me some water right here Yeah now, you wait 'til I see this woman when she get home Pots 'n pans all stacked up here There's a pot, let me scrape this pot out Oh it's pitiful an' I don't know why this woman come an' have a party When I'm at work Gettin' all this stuff under my fingernails, Run some more water in here Yeah, now I can wash these glasses out, wash them up first Yeah, that's pretty clean now, though Now I got all this, now I gotta work on these pots a little bit more Makes me so mad, I don't know what to do Thought I was her husband, 'stead a maid! Like ol red chili or somethin' all done got dried up on all these pots She never fix me none of this good food! You wait 'til that woman get home, I'm scrapin' all these pots for her) Sings: I've done your dirty dishes How much am I suppose to take? When I left I had corn flakes for breakfast Now there's a bone from a T-bone steak Too many dirty dishes in the sink for just us two You've got me wonderin' baby Who in the hell is makin' dirty dishes with you?

[Casey H]

Pitterpatter: I WAS thinking of Big Yellow Taxi by Joni Mitchell of another really good example. I think that's what song you meant. Joni never says, "Save the environment"... But putting all the trees in a tree museum certainly paints the picture...Dogs: Regarding the Carly song, I was mainly talking about the first verse, particularly the first 6 lines. Of course, it is a "setup" verse and without the rest of the song would have little meaning, but the setup is done in the indirect manner I'm describing.Everyone: Thanks for the replies...Just to repeat, I am only looking for examples for discussion and in no way saying that this is the best way to write. Casey

[pitterpatter]

Quote:Pitterpatter: I WAS thinking of Big Yellow Taxi by Joni Mitchell of another really good example. I think that's what song you meant. Joni never says, "Save the environment"... But putting all the trees in a tree museum certainly paints the picture...Dogs: Regarding the Carly song, I was mainly talking about the first verse, particularly the first 6 lines. Of course, it is a "setup" verse and without the rest of the song would have little meaning, but the setup is done in the indirect manner I'm describing.Everyone: Thanks for the replies...Just to repeat, I am only looking for examples for discussion and in no way saying that this is the best way to write. CaseyYep. Big Yellow Taxi. That's the song I was thinking of. I'm a well honed songwriter. I can't even remember the name of the song I'm talking about or the name of the artist. I'm just going to use the excuse of old age...unless Carly Simon does a version of that same song and then I'm in the clear.

[bc]

Quote:Casey, Are you having a difficult time defining your intentions? Because painting pictures requires the use of paints. To attempt to do so with words is only metaphorically possible, as is also the case with " Show me, Don't tell me " the lyrics ... assuming that a sound recording is the final product... well then, showing sounds would require super vision or awesome hearing. ugghhhDude, a great lyric allows one to "see" the event in one's mind. Most of my contemporaries discuss good song writing in "visual" terms. Color and imagery are the blood children of sonic action potentials. ....I went, "sky divin'....Rockie Mtn climbin'....2 point 7 seconds on a bull named Fu Man Chu etc...I see every event in the above lyric. And, due to my neural idiosyncrasies, sometimes the elements in the scenery change. Whew.best,bc

[Casey H]

Quote:Quote: ugghhhDude, a great lyric allows one to "see" the event in one's mind. Most of my contemporaries discuss good song writing in "visual" terms. Color and imagery are the blood children of sonic action potentials. ....I went, "sky divin'....Rockie Mtn climbin'....2 point 7 seconds on a bull named Fu Man Chu etc...I see every event in the above lyric. And, due to my neural idiosyncrasies, sometimes the elements in the scenery change. Whew.best,bcThat's such a funny example. Not proclaiming myself to be a great songwriter at all but verse 2 of "Adrenaline" (co-written with Craig Ackroyd!) is:VERSE 2I jumped the bungee Dove straight to the ground Rode the rapids Till I almost drowned But she walks by These things are not the same She makes runnin’ with the bulls A little baby’s game CHORUS (for reference)Oh what a rush Jumping outta my skin She pumps me up with Adrenaline Oh what a rush She’s coming in Pumping me up withAdrenaline OK, I guess I self-promoted a bit. I DO NOT place myself in the same league as people like Joni! (I wish I could!) Casey

[soundcircel]

can't name examples right now ?o wait.......The Boy's are back in Town.Love the way how Phil discribes it all, i think he is not appreciated enough as a lyric writer, very poetic and great with words.

[pitterpatter]

Quote:Quote:ugghhhDude, a great lyric allows one to "see" the event in one's mind. Most of my contemporaries discuss good song writing in "visual" terms. Color and imagery are the blood children of sonic action potentials. ....I went, "sky divin'....Rockie Mtn climbin'....2 point 7 seconds on a bull named Fu Man Chu etc...I see every event in the above lyric. And, due to my neural idiosyncrasies, sometimes the elements in the scenery change. Whew.best,bcThat's such a funny example. Not proclaiming myself to be a great songwriter at all but verse 2 of "Adrenaline" (co-written with Craig Ackroyd!) is:VERSE 2I jumped the bungee Dove straight to the ground Rode the rapids Till I almost drowned But she walks by These things are not the same She makes runnin’ with the bulls A little baby’s game CHORUS (for reference)Oh what a rush Jumping outta my skin She pumps me up with Adrenaline Oh what a rush She’s coming in Pumping me up withAdrenaline OK, I guess I self-promoted a bit. I DO NOT place myself in the same league as people like Joni! (I wish I could!) Casey Your lyrics are a new and fresh way of expressing feelings so I wouldn't count yourself out of Joni's league just yet. Your song is also a rock song and she sings more folksy songs. Folk music has a bigger liscence for getting more poetic and flowery sounding.

[Casey H]

How 'bout this verse from John Lennon...Was she told when she was young that painWould lead to pleasure?Did she understand it when they saidThat a man must break his back to earnHis day of leisure?Will she still believe it when he's dead?

[pitterpatter]

Quote:How 'bout this verse from John Lennon...Was she told when she was young that painWould lead to pleasure?Did she understand it when they saidThat a man must break his back to earnHis day of leisure?Will she still believe it when he's dead? It does create a picture....a depressing one.