The Song I Didn't Write

[wignelson]

The vibe I get from the chorus melody is the Dixie Chicks, "Don't Want to Make Nice."Anybody else hear that?Wig

[perrysmith]

Hey, ya'all--Yeah, I decided it was a good idea to take a forum "time out" for a while -- thought maybe the threat to capture me at the Road Rally and wrap me in duct tape might be a good indicator that my posting here was not a productive endeavor---lol. But I am here with a commitment to not go down certain paths with certain posters and I am sure all will be well I did want to come in and say what a pleasure it has been to work with Claire. As many of you know, she is a brilliant lyricist who has worked very hard over many years to hone her craft and is truly on the verge of some great success with several of her songs. She very generously agreed to complete a lyric overhaul on a couple of my songs and we are already throwing around ideas for our next joint endeavor.I entrusted her with this song (The Song I Didn't Write) because it had received significant praise from industry professionals and was considered "close". I thought that Claire had what it would take to move the song from "close" to "right on target." I was not disappointed in the result. Claire has a way of saying things that brings the sought-after emotion to the forefront. I think that is demonstrated in this song.I don't think any of us should ever be afraid to rewrite even our best songs and to willingly hand over the songs to someone who has strengths where we have weaknesses. What is it they say? 50% of something is better than 100% of nothing.We have already received some exciting feedback on this song and I am hopeful it has a future. Thanks to those who listened and provided thoughts. It's good to "see" you guys again and if you will be at the Road Rally, I will be there for most of it (I am in Orange County, so it is a quick drive for me) and would love to hook up with you assuming I am not lying in a corner wrapped in tape Cameron asked to see the original version of "The Song" to see what a rewrite could do for a song, so I am posting it here along with the new version for comparison.By the way, the song can also be heard at www.perrysmith.comPerryBEFORE The Song I Didn't Write(Perry Smith)After my show at Jack’s downtownI saw her message on my phoneSaid in June she’s getting marriedWanted me to be the first to knowShe used to say I was the one for herI’d laugh and say we’ll seeWhen I played my songs she would sayWill you write a song for meTo me she’ll always be(Chorus)The race I didn’t run, the fight I didn’t fightThe things I didn’t do cause I was so afraid to tryI guess if nothing else, after tonightShe’ll no longer be the song I didn’t write(Verse)In the chapel on East EvergreenShe looked beautiful in whiteHe slipped that ring on her fingerAnd she slipped out of my lifeTo me she’ll always be(Repeat Chorus)(Bridge)She was right there in front of meBut I was too blind to seeIf I could only turn back timeShe wouldn’t have to be(Chorus Twice) Tomorrow night at Jack’s downtownI’m gonna sing this song for herAFTERTHE SONG I DIDN'T WRITE(Claire Ulanoff/Perry Smith)I had a string of broken dreamsAnd a second hand guitarShe said she fell in love with meFor my restless poet's heartI used to play my songs for herWove my past in melodiesShe'd close her eyes, drift away and say"Wish you'd write a song for me"To me she'll always be...(Chorus)The race I didn't run, the fight I didn't fightI didn't follow through 'cause I was so afraid to tryShould've found the words while she was in my lifeBut she'll always be the song I didn't write(Verse) I thought if I gave everythingI might end up all aloneGuess my fears made a fool of me'Cause I'm here and now she's goneTo me she'll always be...(Repeat Chorus)(Bridge)She didn't want a perfect manShe only wanted meIf I could do it all againI swear she wouldn't be…(Repeat Chorus Twice)I had a string of broken dreamsAnd a second hand guitar

[aubreyz]

Perry,Had stuff to do-- but curiosity got me. I like the rewrite, mostly. The hook is stronger, the first verse sets up the chorus well. But a couple of things still bug me:Chorus: I didn't follow through 'cause I was so afraid to tryI don't think this line is any stronger than the original, in fact kind of like the original better because of the rule of three "somethings I didn't do" :The race I didn’t run, the fight I didn’t fightThe things I didn’t do cause I was so afraid to tryI also would consider changing "so" to "too" for the internal rhyme with "do" and more alliteration with "to try". 2nd verse-- I honestly don't think either of them knock it out of the park. The new one just seems kind of vague-- almost like a filler, not a twist on the story. Like the concept, but just think the execution could be stronger there. IMHO the song is strong enough to not settle for any weak spots.I have to say though--- that's a great opening line, and well worth repeating.I had a string of broken dreamsAnd a second hand guitarOverall -- very good song. Just my two cents on some possible improvements, but your actual mileage may vary Aub

[perrysmith]

Oct 27, 2008, 8:27am, aubreyz wrote:Perry,Had stuff to do-- but curiosity got me. I like the rewrite, mostly. The hook is stronger, the first verse sets up the chorus well. But a couple of things still bug me:Chorus: I didn't follow through 'cause I was so afraid to tryI don't think this line is any stronger than the original, in fact kind of like the original better because of the rule of three "somethings I didn't do" :The race I didn’t run, the fight I didn’t fightThe things I didn’t do cause I was so afraid to tryI also would consider changing "so" to "too" for the internal rhyme with "do" and more alliteration with "to try". 2nd verse-- I honestly don't think either of them knock it out of the park. The new one just seems kind of vague-- almost like a filler, not a twist on the story. Like the concept, but just think the execution could be stronger there. IMHO the song is strong enough to not settle for any weak spots.I have to say though--- that's a great opening line, and well worth repeating.I had a string of broken dreamsAnd a second hand guitarOverall -- very good song. Just my two cents on some possible improvements, but your actual mileage may vary AubThanks, Aub. I originally went back and forth between "too" and "so" and my informal poll landed on "so" Re the "I didn't follow through" line--I get what you're saying, but we really wanted to keep focused on THIS missed opportunity as the race he did not run and the fight he did not fight (metaphors, of course), so it really is only "one" thing he did not do, but described in different ways. The lead in line is "to me she'll always be"--so, in fact, she is the race he didn't run, the fight he didn't fight. Could go either way, though.The verse starting with "I thought if I gave everything" is really the only explanation in the song for excatly why he did not follow through with her--he was afraid of "end[ing] up all alone" (the implication is that he might have experienced this before when he gave "everything" to someone). So I do not think of this verse as "filler" but as essential to the story. But, it is true that I did not give Claire a lot of room there -- maybe lengthening the verse makes sense, but the track was done and this is a "chorus-centric" song and I wanted to get back to it pretty quickly.Thanks for the detailed analysis. Man, we can sure think and over-think and under-think and, etc. this whole process, can't we? Perry

[sgs4u]

Welcome back Perry. I'm glad your back, because your songs are really good, people (including me) want you here. What happened sucked, for everyone involved. I promise not to go to any B-B-Qs with you, neither here, or at the Rally. Looking forward to meeting you. If you see me holding a roll of tape... remember there are probably a lot more people that would use it on me than you. The opening line of vs 1, is very fresh & inventive. But the chorus isn't all the way there yet. Granted, that's just my opinion. Aub's point that other group of 3 thing, is better in the first version, is something I also agree with. I'm still not sure that the verse's plot, is answered by the chorus all that well. Is the singer sorry that he didn't try harder? Is he upset that he did try? I'm not sure why he didn't get the girl. What did he do wrong? The 3rd verse didn't make it clearer to me. I was expecting that hopeful feeling that the 1st two verses created, to be answered in the chorus. The chorus' meaning seemed to be a surprising jolt, away from the plot line, instead of answering the question. I'd love to be wrong. Equating the girl I didn't get, with the song I didn't write, might not be a great hook for the average listener. It might only be a captivating hook for songwriters or industry insiders. So it'll likely get lots of attention. I just dunno if this subject as is, could get country music fans to request it from their radio stations, after they hear it the first time. Then again, another recording could change things everything, so who knows. again, Welcome Back, Perry. Oct 27, 2008, 7:40am, perrysmith wrote:Hey, ya'all--Yeah, I decided it was a good idea to take a forum "time out" for a while -- thought maybe the threat to capture me at the Road Rally and wrap me in duct tape might be a good indicator that my posting here was not a productive endeavor---lol. But I am here with a commitment to not go down certain paths with certain posters and I am sure all will be well

[perrysmith]

Thanks Cam, Matt, and Dale--FYI, I just got an email saying that this song was chosen by a Nashville indie publisher to pitch to Gary Allan. We will enjoy the fact that it was selected and assume nothing more will come of it, as getting your hopes up in this game can be hard on the heart (there's a hook in that -- "hard on the heart"--think I'll work on it ) .-Perry

[squids]

Perry and Claire:I love collaborations especially if both people (or more) have that trust that allows them to play to each other's strengths. I think this song will get both of you the attention you've worked so hard for. I know you won't be making any changes and really, I wouldn't either, it's good enough to get you to the guys you hope will hear it and record it. Congratulations on a job well done. The demo is very well produced, btw. Claire, you did a wonderful job! I enjoyed reading your struggles to post the link too. Had the same problem myself the first time I tried posting a link and it brought back some fine memories. Thanks so much for the smile.

[cameron]

Oct 28, 2008, 6:37pm, claire wrote:Thanks all - yes, we're getting some very positive reactions to the song and it'll be interesting to see where it goes. ClairePersonally, I'm hoping something happens quickly so Perry will have to buy the drinks at the Rally. Cam

[perrysmith]

Oct 28, 2008, 8:24pm, heinsite wrote:yes--DRINKS ON PERRY!LOL,whYou don't mean "DRINKS ON PERRY" literally, right--like wrap him up in duct tape and pour drinks on him ? My security detail advises me that I should not announce publicly where I will be and when at the Rally , however, although I am not a drinker, I would be happy to buy a few for you, Cam and Warren, while I sip a Diet Coke. So, if you want, PM me and we can figure out a place to meet up, if you will have the time. And thanks for the listen and comments. By the way, I just wanted to mention that I listen to a lot of songs here, but I am generally hesitant to comment because I don't want to encourage or discourage anyone in the wrong direction and I just don't think I know enough to be objective about what is good or needs work. I know what I like and what I don't, but I am not sure that means anything. -Perry

[jchitty]

Oct 30, 2008, 8:23am, heinsite wrote:hey perry--damn man, supposedly, there is one bar/lounge there. AND NOBODY IS GOING TO YELL OR ATTACK YOU MAN! TRUST ME, we'd all be reading about it the papers the next day!! come to the lounge, i'll by you a coke, etc. i've always been supportive of you man....so have many others. NOBODY is gunna say shit to you one way or the other--trust me!! HELL IM GOING, and i aint afraid! i'm more embarrassed that 1/2 the folks don't like my tunes, or that i'm not very taxi successful--now that is REAL FEAR FOR ME my friend...and i have panic disorder and do NOT like to fly--so do NOT be wary of anybody at taxi man. i look forward to meeting you!warren heinI find people are different on the internet anyway....it's the Wizard of Oz effect...you have more nerve to say things to people behind the screen that you wouldn't in real life....so behind that screen of Oz, is a timid old guy. Y'all have fun at the Rally...btw, Perry and Claire, another congrats for getting your song as far as a publisher. That's fantastic.