Will You Be (NEW work tape, wrap-up, please)

[derekmcfarland]

You guys are the best!Here's what I'm going to work on so far:Dean (and Solrax), I'm going to play around with some phrasing that adds "Will you be" to the end of the chorus. I think that's a great suggestion. I'll give it a try.I'm going to work on the lines everyone pointed out. Thanks for telling me what sounded awkward to you. That's the feedback I was hoping to get- THANKS!Lyricboy, thanks for the tempo suggestion. You validated a concern I had that I missed it by 1-2 bpm on the low side.Erich, I think you're absolutely right about my solo/bridge chord progression. It's kinda cliche. Arranging is not my strong suit... I'll work on it more and get some help if I can't make it any better.Marc and Andy: I totally see your point about the potential confusion with the "worried you might laugh at me" line. I meant for it to relate to getting on one knee and not the proposal/fear of rejection. You make a great point and I need to think about that line more. THANKS!Vince, you're right... I do mean "everything." The great thing is that it has the same number of syllables as "all the things." I LIKE those fixes!THANKS for everyone who has taken the time to listen and provide such thoughtful feedback. The door is still open, please keep it coming! I will do my part to return the favor.Derek

[feaker]

derekMan can you sing. When you sing "Will you be", with that natural vibrado at the end, it is as good as it gets. I said outloud "whooaa" I can't even here reverb on it.Lots of class for a work tape.Hard to believe you "banged it out this morning" ?I don't think it needs much more.Paul

[rlcmusic]

Hi Derek,Just wanted to stop by quickly and say I think you have a fantastic voice Best wishes,Rachel

[billg]

Man, you have a great voice. I'm not good at lyric critiques -I think you should have strong demo recorded in Nashville with a"country" female vocalist and I think you should have them send you a track without vocals so you can have a demo with your voice. Your voice is strong for it but I think it takes it into more of a gospel/churchy direction. For pitching it would be cool to have both vibes imo.

[lyricboy]

I don't intend to threadjack here, but I have to ask... Bill, is that extra instrumental track easy for them to split off, or more specifically, free? or nearly so?Thanks. Apologies for the direction swing, Derek. Didn't want to ask offboard, though, cuz I thought you or others might be curious, too.

[cameron]

Hi Derek,Man, this is the kind of song Nashville loves imho. Huge power chorus, well done sentimental lyrics, and a style that almost sounds like something you'd hear on Christian radio... but not quite. It's something I wish I could write, because I think it's what they want. But alas, it's just really not my style. You pull it off very well though...with killer vocals and really nice piano. I'd be really surprised if this song doesn't go places for you.Cam p.s. These sentiment expressed in these lines is excellent:Will you be, will you beMy life, my laugh, my love and all the thingsYou already are to me

[381]

Derek, great melody, this will be a a good song to have pitched. I don't know that the bridge section is needed at 2:40, I lean towards a second chorus that goes up in range ( and dude you got the range) There's nothing wrong with this coming in under 3 minutes . Also lyrically I could hear the chorus being made up of questions..example , the long lines need to come in a bit earlier for nice phrasing.Will you be, be with mewill you be my kiss goodnight when we disagreeWill you be, be with meWill you be my life, my laugh, my love and everything

[shawncullen]

Let's have a listen...Lovely piano start, nice tune. Memorable straight away. Type of piano I like.Soft voice - you're really talking to the listener which is something I do alot on my tunes. It's as if you and me are talking to one person as we sing which I personally like.Great song.Shawn

[derekmcfarland]

Haven't changed the work tape yet, but trying out some new lyrics (above in original post).

[k o star]

Awesome... but U have not re-sung the new words yet right? Looking forward to listen to the new version.