Will You Be (NEW work tape, wrap-up, please)

[derekmcfarland]

OK, I finally got time this morning to record another work tape with some revisions. I'm going to lay down tracks on Tuesday. Final lyric tweaks can always take place afterwards, but I hope some of the weak lines have been improved.I'd really like some specific feedback on:1) New solo/bridge chord progression. I had feedback that the original one was not quite right, so I tried something less predictable.2) Did the addition of the extra "will you be" at the end of the chorus make an improvement? Original chorus stopped after "you already are to me."3) Anything else?THANKS!Derekhttp://www.taximusic.com/song.php?song_id=2316 ... m=trueWill You Be (revised)(V1)Hey Baby, I'm nervous and I don't know why'Cause I've never been so sure of anything in my lifeLet's find out if you agreeI'm gonna get down on one knee(C)Will you be, will you beThe one who knows my thoughts before I speakWill you be, will you beMy life, my laugh, my love and all the thingsYou already are to meWill you be(V2)I'm crazy, all I've been thinkin 'bout is this daySat in my car, and practiced every word I'd sayYou can restore my sanityGive me your hand now, and take this ring(C)Will you be, will you beMy kiss goodnight when we disagreeWill you be, will you beMy life, my laugh, my love and all the thingsYou already are to meWill you be(solo)(C)Will you be, will you beThe last one I see before I fall asleepWill you be, will you beMy life, my laugh, my loveMy gift from God aboveAnd all the other thingsYou already are to meWill you bewords and music Derek McFarland © 2009

[lyricboy]

Tiny suggestion. In the first chorus, the last "Will you be"...Think about a 2-syllable "Wi---illll"Just a thought.Still love the song.

[k o star]

Derek,I liked this before... I like this even more now.Somehow this sounds alot more like Ur more sure in terms of vocal delivery....The best thing is this is not a genre I'm too familiar with but it sure makes me feel it, if U know what I mean...Definitely much improved...-Kel

[deantaylor]

Derek,1. I like the new chords just fine2. I am 50-50 on the addition of WILL YOU BE at the end (even though I suggested you try it). I really like it both ways. Personally, I'd probably keep it there at the end. I like it best the way you did it after chorus2. And after chorus1 is good too. The phrasing/melody after chorus3 was not my favorite. ... I'll try to listen again later today, I might get a more definative feeling as to which way I like best ... but I don't really think you can go wrong either way .. with or without this line.3. The other lyric changes look good to me. I especially like this line ... Let's find out if you agree .. it ties in nicely to the chorus hook. This is outstanding songwriting. I look forward to hearing your finished demo and to hearing it as a radio hit someday. Dean

[deantaylor]

Took another listen. Still 50-50. The chorus3 way still not my favorite.

[derekmcfarland]

May 4, 2009, 4:08pm, deantaylor wrote:Took another listen. Still 50-50. The chorus3 way still not my favorite.Dean, I'm 100% with you. The last one is bothering me the most. I'm going to try delaying to the retard at the very end and see if I like it better. I'm cutting tracks tomorrow night and hope the track allows me to have the option of having it "in-or-out." THANKS (to everyone) for your feedback. I'll be sure to post the final demo next week.Derek

[cameron]

Sounding better than ever. Man I wish I had your pipes. What is your piano? I'm in the market for a new one to replace my ancient Kurzweil K1000. Many of the digitial keyboards sound artificial, and most of the new ones don't sound as good as my 20-year old Kurzweil, but yours sounds very realistic.Cam

[derekmcfarland]

May 5, 2009, 6:38am, cameron wrote:Sounding better than ever. Man I wish I had your pipes. What is your piano? I'm in the market for a new one to replace my ancient Kurzweil K1000. Many of the digitial keyboards sound artificial, and most of the new ones don't sound as good as my 20-year old Kurzweil, but yours sounds very realistic.Cam, thanks for the compliment. The piano sounds realistic because it is. It's a 2003 Yamaha C3 grand. For this work tape, I mic'd it with a couple of Rode M3s (which I got for free with purchase of K2s). I didn't even open the full lid- just the front and pointed both mics straight down on either side of the music stand.Derek

[watksco]

Hey Derek,Nice song. I'd love to here the full production.One line I'm not crazy about is:"Let's find out if you agree"It kind of shifts the POV away from the direct address of the verse.Perhaps something along the lines of...Baby what's it gonna be? ...orYou are all I'll ever need ...orsomething that keeps him talking to her.Cheers,Scott

[cameron]

May 6, 2009, 9:03am, derekmcfarland wrote:Cam, thanks for the compliment. The piano sounds realistic because it is. It's a 2003 Yamaha C3 grand. DerekTo quote Garth Algar (Wayne's World): "I want one of those after I move out of my parent's house."