WIP - 'No Enemy' Update - NEW Words -you guys are top!

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WIP - 'No Enemy' Update - NEW Words -you guys are top!

Post by sedge » Wed Jul 20, 2011 2:26 pm

Hi gang! I got a song here called ' No Enemy ' - http://www.taxi.com/wackykites

EDIT Updated version: No Enemy WIP2 !

EDIT - Updated version: No Enemy WIP3 (now called 'heading home')


I've had the first pass , recording and getting a feel together. Now welcoming any ears please!

I left it for a few days listen to gather some notes/thoughts ..

- Tighten up the backing chorus harmonies to ride with the lead vocal (was going for beat notes but sounds a bit sloppy to me)
- left a bit of room for a lead instrument - break after first chorus, but don't know what yet - or straight into the verse and forget it?
- Snares - perhaps been a little over keen, might cut out some extras I played in ?
- bass is washed out?
- one lyric "what you mean to me" thinking of changing to "what comes easily" or similar
- Ending - this is part of a song by the late Elizabeth Cotton called Oh Papa - Any ideas where I would find out about licence? I have googled nearly everything?
geezze its that old it might even be GNU now or something, still, would love to send some thing to her family if I ever got anything .


Anyways! I am about to go in and make a final go at getting this finished I am hoping that I might also get some cool ideas here, or thoughts on the ideas I already have, or just general reactions would be sweet too!

Really appreciate the listen - please rip it to bits!!

Rob

No Enemy - http://www.taxi.com/wackykites

Like black ice do I never see
The events that lead to be the hardships
but you are no enemy

Two roots, like a plant (think change to let us plant)
Set apart so we may grow something together
yeah, you are no enemy

Yet I pretend, I hope, I relate, I misshape
I don't know what's got into me
I'm no more, just taking some time
Then I'll show what you mean to me
(think change to, 'what comes easily' - what I'm trying to get over is - ' a little full up, need to recharge but nothing personal' )

I'm working on overtime,
got my diary and pencilled in the summer time (thinking of changing something around, 'keep rescheduling the summer time')
I am my own enemy

Yet I pretend, I hope, I relate, I misshape
I don't know what's got into me
I'm no more, just taking some time
Then I'll show what you mean to me


Oh Papa, papa don't care for you
don't care for you
Last edited by sedge on Sun Aug 07, 2011 4:55 pm, edited 7 times in total.

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Re: WIP - 'No Enemy'

Post by ocean » Thu Jul 21, 2011 2:12 am

Nice. I like it very much. I really like your singing.
Not sure about the ending. Wouldn't it be like a homage or a "musical quote"?
--- Ole
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Great work, people. Keep it up.

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Re: WIP - 'No Enemy'

Post by Len911 » Thu Jul 21, 2011 2:42 am

Rob, I like this song a lot, it has a great vibe and your voice really showcases the song well. The kick drum is really thumping pretty hard, I think it's the kick drum. I'm having a hard time understanding the lyrics, and how they relate to the theme of "no enemy" which is also the hook. It seems like the verses might suggest that the person is the enemy, with various scenarios that a casual passer-by person might think so, and the last line with no enemy says otherwise. I think the clever twist of "I am my own enemy" might work better in the bridges or choruses somehow. If the third verse had a really strong sentiment, of anyone who does that is certainly the enemy, and a good reason why they still aren't the enemy might be cool. I'm just throwing out ideas, I know it's still a WIP, but already there is so much potential for this song.
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Re: WIP - 'No Enemy'

Post by sedge » Thu Jul 21, 2011 3:17 am

Thanks Ocean!
ocean wrote:Not sure about the ending. Wouldn't it be like a homage or a "musical quote"?
I know : || I could lose it altogether, been playing it this way so long now i can't get away from it!!
What exactly is a homage or musical quote?? sorry for being a dummy!

Thanks Len!

I like those ideas! I did leave a bit of room for something, initially thinking a lead instrument but I could use the space (after the first chorus) to add some more words and spell things out a bit better, that might make the last verse "I am my own enemy" - if i wander from the melody some, to be like a bridge - like you say. Thanks! I just cant get that kind of objetive view.
Having a think on that one. Agree on the kick drum now! Thanks for that 2

Buzzing that in general your both liking it !

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Re: WIP - 'No Enemy'

Post by ocean » Thu Jul 21, 2011 3:59 am

sedge wrote: What exactly is a homage or musical quote?? sorry for being a dummy!
I've obviously crashed into the language barrier again. Gotta get that gps fixed.
What I meant is that I would think it'd be alright since you're not using any samples etc. But, again, I know next to nothing about these things (or most things).
--- Ole
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Great work, people. Keep it up.

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Re: WIP - 'No Enemy'

Post by deantaylor » Thu Jul 21, 2011 4:03 am

Hey Sedge,

I like it. You've got a cool style. Agree on the kick .. too boomy for my taste. I'd ditch the homage ending.

This is a very artistic/vague lyric. These are hard to judge on a quick review like this. But I'll give it a shot anyway .. lol.

This line seems very awkwardly worded .. what about something more like these:
Like black ice (pause) I never see
Like black ice NO I never see

Two roots, let us plant ... yeah i like this better

Then I'll show what you mean to me ... i like this original wording best

got my diary and pencilled in the summer time ... i like this original wording best

HTH.

Dean
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Re: WIP - 'No Enemy'

Post by sedge » Thu Jul 21, 2011 4:26 am

ocean wrote:I've obviously crashed into the language barrier again. Gotta get that gps fixed. What I meant is that I would think it'd be alright since you're not using any samples etc. But, again, I know next to nothing about these things (or most things)
ha! No not at all and you probally know more than me.
I get what you mean now : ) (not sure about getting licence ect ) - Yeah no samples, so it would be a cover version thing ?

Thanks Dean on these lyrics!!
'Like black Ice, no I never see' - I like that! It has a better rhythm too
Your the second person to say prefer the 'Then I'll show what you mean to me' so that's sounding like the final now too

I prefer the original 'pencilled in' line too , it feels right to sing, but wasnt sure it said enough about why I am my own enemy sometimes, as in "often putting off the summer "

That being said Im not sure if this will be a TV ad type song, more one for the CD, I can push the arty a bit, dont want to alienate/turn off the listener though. Thanks good ideas!

will be mixing/re recording parts tomorrow and this feedback is brilliant!

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Re: WIP - 'No Enemy'

Post by eeoo » Thu Jul 21, 2011 2:15 pm

Hey Sedge -Yeah, nice one. I'd like to hear you lead vocal up in the mix more (Irealize this is a rough) and I agree that you should lose the ending homage bit. If you attenuate the kick don't do it too much, I like that kick!

eo

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Re: WIP - 'No Enemy'

Post by feaker66 » Thu Jul 21, 2011 4:12 pm

Sedge

You got some great help already in the above posts.

I am not even listing to the lyrics. I am just very impressed with the feel of this.

If this doesn't get folks in a groove, they ain't got a pulse:)

Two thumbs up:)

Paul
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Re: WIP - 'No Enemy' - updated v2

Post by sedge » Sun Jul 24, 2011 6:26 pm

eeoo wrote:I'd like to hear you lead vocal up in the mix more (Irealize this is a rough) and I agree that you should lose the ending homage bit. If you attenuate the kick don't do it too much, I like that kick!
Hi Ethan, thanks! Hope I didn't kill the kick
freaker wrote:If this doesn't get folks in a groove, they ain't got a pulse:)
ha! too kind thanks Paul!! no click track with this but its proving a pain to manage !
spent most time today organising a tempo track to match so I can try out /shorten extend some parts without a rerecord :S !

Got there, I think, there is a new mix up! Wip v2 - http://www.taxi.com/wackykites

Changes/updates

In WIP 1 was thinking of a lead part so I have thrown in some keyboard madness after second chorus - probably killed it or sounds like a cat on the mouse with the odd cheese note ! left it for thoughts!

As the kind comments thanks ...

I have uped the vocal a smidge
- tamed the kick ?
- yet to decide what to do with the lyrics!
- removed dear Lady Cotton Homage but kept the outro ?

mix I hope is a little clearer all round for the elements on this one - any mentions on that would be brill!
I've give it a light mastering to get a bit more volume too

Really appreciate any and every comment - its an odd one this and feel like I there are a few arrangement directions!

Many thanks

Rob

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