wooHOO! (now, with lyrics!!)

[tedsingingfox]

Jul 8, 2009, 9:39am, cameron wrote:Hey Ted,This delayed chord change sequence adds some character but to me it also just sort of made the song drag at that point, which is I think what Al was maybe referring to earlier. I listened a few times thinking maybe I just needed to get used to it but it never did grab me. CamInteresting you would say that, as the first time I presented this to other humans (at Pete and Pat Luboff's "Sounding Board"), that was overwhelmingly everyone's favorite part of the verses...the delayed chord change and the slow build up, line by line, as each line started out the same but ended differently.No matter, thanks for the listen and for the nice comments about my voice.

[tedsingingfox]

Thanks, markjsmith.This has been terrific encouragement from all of you. Thanks, again.Ted

[cameron]

Jul 9, 2009, 10:49am, tedsingingfox wrote:Jul 8, 2009, 9:39am, cameron wrote:Hey Ted,This delayed chord change sequence adds some character but to me it also just sort of made the song drag at that point, which is I think what Al was maybe referring to earlier. I listened a few times thinking maybe I just needed to get used to it but it never did grab me. CamInteresting you would say that, as the first time I presented this to other humans (at Pete and Pat Luboff's "Sounding Board"), that was overwhelmingly everyone's favorite part of the verses...the delayed chord change and the slow build up, line by line, as each line started out the same but ended differently.No matter, thanks for the listen and for the nice comments about my voice. Arrggh, I hate it when someone doesn't like what I consider one of my favorite parts of my song, so I'm sorry to rain on your parade Ted.

[aubreyz]

Ted,wooHoo! That's a brilliant way to turn a stereotypical "Ted" thing into a hook. Very cool.I'm late to this little party, but first let me say I think the concept/idea is strong. Potentially the most commercial thing I think we've heard from you.A few things struck me. The slice of killing time line is very strong. I think the first line is good... but the first line didn't knock my socks off. Conceptually it's good, but nothing real hooky, clever - you know that, stops and makes me want to hear the rest. Just the title did that, but IMHO that first line needs to be killer. Is there a more clever way to say the same thing? Could you play off of the thoughts/dinner thing more. like the 14th dinner date with no one but lonely thoughts... that's not THE idea, but just a suggestion to maybe get you thinking. like I said, think it's a good line, but could be great.Quote:And that's when I lept to my feet and my heart sangWho is this? Robin Hood? Sounds kind of archaic and dated IMHO. Think there's a stronger, more current way to communicate that.The chorus is strong, but two points. 1 - the wooHoo hook could be stronger. I think it should be the highest part of the chorus-- right now, hey you punches more. I'd reverse that. Slam that hook.2- The only real weak point for me was the calling/falling rhyme-- very typical. Maybe an imperfect rhyme? wherever you go I'm following? probably not THE idea, but think "can't you hear me calling" could be better IMHO. It sounds like a line meant to rhyme, not a real part of the story. What would the guy yell at her? Can you hear me? Probably not.Like I said, strong idea. Just a few rewrites from great.Aub

[tedsingingfox]

Jul 9, 2009, 5:44pm, cameron wrote:Arrggh, I hate it when someone doesn't like what I consider one of my favorite parts of my song, so I'm sorry to rain on your parade Ted. You, my friend, could NEVER rain on my parade. Never.

[tedsingingfox]

Jul 9, 2009, 7:25pm, aubreyz wrote:Ted,wooHoo! That's a brilliant way to turn a stereotypical "Ted" thing into a hook. Very cool.I'm late to this little party, but first let me say I think the concept/idea is strong. Potentially the most commercial thing I think we've heard from you.A few things struck me. The slice of killing time line is very strong. I think the first line is good... but the first line didn't knock my socks off. Conceptually it's good, but nothing real hooky, clever - you know that, stops and makes me want to hear the rest. Just the title did that, but IMHO that first line needs to be killer. Is there a more clever way to say the same thing? Could you play off of the thoughts/dinner thing more. like the 14th dinner date with no one but lonely thoughts... that's not THE idea, but just a suggestion to maybe get you thinking. like I said, think it's a good line, but could be great.Quote:And that's when I lept to my feet and my heart sangWho is this? Robin Hood? Sounds kind of archaic and dated IMHO. Think there's a stronger, more current way to communicate that.The chorus is strong, but two points. 1 - the wooHoo hook could be stronger. I think it should be the highest part of the chorus-- right now, hey you punches more. I'd reverse that. Slam that hook.2- The only real weak point for me was the calling/falling rhyme-- very typical. Maybe an imperfect rhyme? wherever you go I'm following? probably not THE idea, but think "can't you hear me calling" could be better IMHO. It sounds like a line meant to rhyme, not a real part of the story. What would the guy yell at her? Can you hear me? Probably not.Like I said, strong idea. Just a few rewrites from great.AubI have to be totally honest here, Aub...I'm a little blown away by your taking the time to listen and give me such detailed feedback. Thank you, thank you, thank you, my friend.And those are ALL valid points. Again, this was a little weird for me/both of us, trying to squeeze words into what felt like a firmly established musical structure. I'm happy to say that, for a change, I/we (Mike, my co-writer, and I) have agreed that we can and will take this in ANY direction so long as it serves the song. And, even better, 90% of what you've mentioned are the exact same things WE have brought up with each other that we think are not as strong as they could be. Gratefully, we are eager to keep working on this one.PROMISE to keep you/y'all posted as it develops and grows.This means the world to me that you would chime in.Ted

[michael11]

I think this is fantastically commercial and annoyingly memorable.(that's a compliment). The only negative for me were the delayed chords,I agree with Cam on that.I was going to pick my guitar up and say,Hey Ted,these are the right chords,I thought you'd just got a bit confused. SORRY! then I realised you meant to do it.It may well work in a band environment.Bottom line is you've got a great song.Quite possibly chart material.Michael.

[derekmcfarland]

Ted,Sorry I couldn't respond sooner... I just listened and I'll post my comments without reading what others have said first.Good the title. Was there a pop song with similar name?"Slice of time to kill" love it!"lept" sounded wrong in the context of this guy's vocabulary to this point.GREAT chorus... I'm digging it until it get's to "I'm thinking I could love you." Melody/cadence didn't seem to fit and the sentiment seems too male-dominant (i.e. "I'm thinking you might be good enough for me to love"). Check some female opinions.Something about the first line of second verse looses energy by slowing down at end.Still love this chorus (except for last phrase)I know playin'/prayin' are a good rhyme and I quickly picked up on the twist that you were switching to a wedding scene; however "prayin" (while clearly appropriate) isn't a verb that is often associated with weddings enough to anchor the twist. Maybe find another rhyme that uses a more celebratory word?Sticky already - strong hook! I'll be singing for awhile.THANKS for sharing this, hope my comments are helpful.Derek

[tedsingingfox]

Jul 9, 2009, 11:55pm, michael11 wrote:I think this is fantastically commercial and annoyingly memorable.(that's a compliment). The only negative for me were the delayed chords,I agree with Cam on that.I was going to pick my guitar up and say,Hey Ted,these are the right chords,I thought you'd just got a bit confused. SORRY! then I realised you meant to do it.It may well work in a band environment.Bottom line is you've got a great song.Quite possibly chart material.Michael.HA!! Loved that first line of yours. Thanks, Michael. Gonna talk to Mike about that line, since so many of you have brought it up.

[tedsingingfox]

Jul 10, 2009, 4:36am, derekmcfarland wrote:Ted,Sorry I couldn't respond sooner... I just listened and I'll post my comments without reading what others have said first.Good the title. Was there a pop song with similar name?"Slice of time to kill" love it!"lept" sounded wrong in the context of this guy's vocabulary to this point.GREAT chorus... I'm digging it until it get's to "I'm thinking I could love you." Melody/cadence didn't seem to fit and the sentiment seems too male-dominant (i.e. "I'm thinking you might be good enough for me to love"). Check some female opinions.Something about the first line of second verse looses energy by slowing down at end.Still love this chorus (except for last phrase)I know playin'/prayin' are a good rhyme and I quickly picked up on the twist that you were switching to a wedding scene; however "prayin" (while clearly appropriate) isn't a verb that is often associated with weddings enough to anchor the twist. Maybe find another rhyme that uses a more celebratory word?Sticky already - strong hook! I'll be singing for awhile.THANKS for sharing this, hope my comments are helpful.Derek Hey, Derek. Thanks for the listen. And for the great, insightful feedback. Mike and I are both pretty excited about working on this one, so he's going to be reading all these comments, too (only he doesn't know that yet )I was expecting to sing "jumped" to my feet, but "lept" is what came out of my mouth, so I adjusted the posted lyrics accordingly. But your point is spot on.Lots of great info to take with me back to the drawing room here, y'all. Thanks so much.Ted