Worst gig scenario

[Casey H]

Quote:Oh yeah.... well....well...I was going to a gig on a private plane that ran out of gas and crashed! And I was the only survivor. I struggled to survive by eating the bodies of my band mates..... with NO BBQ sauce! Then... who should come to rescue me... But Danny Thomas... and you're right Erns... what a jerk! He tries to "saddle" up to me like we're on Humpback mountain. I had to slap him around a bit. Then he tells me that the "gig must go on" and all that crap. So he takes me to the place where the gig is... and I'm days late, and there's only me... and they want me to play disco. F-ing DISCO! Dang... so I get out my harmonica...and play the few disco songs I know, but they hate it. Then I realize that they are all Satanists and want to sacrifice me! I grab a dead cat and start swinging, knocking ole Danny down and run out of the place. Of course they didn't pay me! I hate L.A. gigs.God!! No BBQ sauce!!!! No wonder it was such a horrific experience. Next time I fly I am going to bring my own little packets. Casey

[drew]

Many years back I was hitching thru California and a car flew past me and pulled over to wait for me to catch up, so I grabbed my stuff and ran down the shoulder of the road about a 1/4 mile. As I got close to the car I saw it was Danny Thomas, just as I reached for the door he drove off. And I didn't have any BBQ sauce either.

[ernstinen]

Quote:Many years back I was hitching thru California and a car flew past me and pulled over to wait for me to catch up, so I grabbed my stuff and ran down the shoulder of the road about a 1/4 mile. As I got close to the car I saw it was Danny Thomas, just as I reached for the door he drove off. And I didn't have any BBQ sauce either.Why does Danny Thomas hate musicians!? With a schnoz like that, he could have been a good tuba player. I shoulda bopped him one in the nose so that it would have been bigger than Jimmy Durante's. Inka Dinka Do! R.I.P., jackass. Marlo's kinda cute, though. They must've taken about 4 pounds of cartilage bone out of her honker to get it down to size. I'd like to slather a bottle of BBQ sauce on her ---- Oh, nevermind! Ern

[edteja]

Hey SCott, we can go on tour playing the Donna Summers' version of MacArthur park on harmonicas. It's long enough that we'd only need the one tune. It will be the biggest thing since Jerry Murad and the Harmonicats did Telstar. We could invite Dany Thomas along if we could find some really good Eb harmonicas (or play cross harp in Ab).

[ernstinen]

I wish Danny Thomas would have come along with us on THIS gig! Our horn band was based outside of Ann Arbor, MI, and one week we didn't have many gigs. So the sax player who took care of the bookings began calling around to see what he could rustle up.Now, this was a 7-piece band complete with light man, sound man, huge P.A., 20-foot long light bars, and a school bus to haul us around.Well, the sax player found a one-nighter --- in Peoria, IL, about 350 miles away. He put the gig up for a vote by the band, and I said "No way! That's ridiculous!," but I was out-voted.After a 7-hour drive, we arrived at this little dive on the river that looked like a strip club. We set up, and played our first set --- to nobody except the bartender. After the second set, the bar manager came out of his office and told us to pack up and get the hell out of there. --- I didn't have to say "I told you so!" Yes, a great career to recommend to your kids! Ern

[og]

Ya know, now that I think about it, Danny Thomas was there in the locked wards. No, wait, it was Danny Kaye. Man, that dude had some heavy meds! Shared, too. I'd bet I'm not the only one with this saga...I was briefly in a rock band in college, four piece, really stunk. The bass player's mom thought it would be nice if we played at her 25th HS reunion. This was '74. The only songs we knew were "All Right Now", "Smoke on the Water", "JBGoode", and "I'm Your Captain". We played them all twice--louder the second time--but nobody was dancing (go figure). Finally, the drummer (who was the only one with any real talent) asked me if I could play the drums. I said "Hell, yeah!" (I can also fly a 747 ). He took the guitar and mike for a soulful rendition of "Moon River". Good God Gertie! All those fogies hit the dance floor like it was bingo night down to the KC hall! By the 8th rep, I had the brush and hi-hat down.In retrospect, some of the hideous things that have happened to me in the last thirty years may have been a direct result of the bad karma generated by actually taking money for that night.

[edteja]

I was playing in a two-piece in Huntington Beach, CA.. Just me and a drummer. It was a decent bar, with a steady crowd. I met the drummer that night--we were taking over for a band that quit--they were spliting up. Halfway through the second set some rich older dame comes over. She has the show and tell jewelry and a boy toy. She walks up and says, very soft, "Can you play some slow songs for me? Some oldies? I'm a booking agent. I can get you guys in the Forum." The drummer and I are biting our tongues to keep from laughing (the two of us couldn't make enough noise, much less music to reach the back seats at the Forum and we are playing shabby covers). So we smiled, said sure, and swung into a slow version of Ragtime Cowboy Joe and other 20s tunes (I kept expecting Danny Thomas to show up). She was livid. "Not that old," she screamed. Needless to say, the Forum never called. Come to think of it, she never even got our phone number.

[ernstinen]

This gig would've had Danny Thomas running out of the room, screaming with his hands over his ears! The worst/best gig I've ever played:My original band had quite a complex set-up, due to multiple keyboards. I was the singer/songwriter/guitarist.We got booked into a showcase club, and had practiced a fantastic hour-long set. There was a large crowd there to see us that night.The club was managed by a real creep, and when it took us a little too long to set up, he had the sound man come up and tell me "your set can only be 30 minutes long."I've never been so angry at a gig, and instructed the band to cut out all songs with slow tempos or any subtlety. I cranked up my Soldano half-stack, and we burned through a half hour of intense rock. I was just livid, and it came out through my Strat.After the set, people came up to me saying "Wow, what was that!," "Amazing" etc., but I was still so pissed off I went outside, sat on the curb and screamed at the moon.*************************************Wow, I can't believe how that night still affects me! It was one of the moments that influenced me to quit playing out live. I didn't want my career to consist of just being an angry, out-of-control rock guitarist. Ern

[johnnydean1]

Quote:This gig would've had Danny Thomas running out of the room, screaming with his hands over his ears! The worst/best gig I've ever played:My original band had quite a complex set-up, due to multiple keyboards. I was the singer/songwriter/guitarist.We got booked into a showcase club, and had practiced a fantastic hour-long set. There was a large crowd there to see us that night.The club was managed by a real creep, and when it took us a little too long to set up, he had the sound man come up and tell me "your set can only be 30 minutes long."I've never been so angry at a gig, and instructed the band to cut out all songs with slow tempos or any subtlety. I cranked up my Soldano half-stack, and we burned through a half hour of intense rock. I was just livid, and it came out through my Strat.After the set, people came up to me saying "Wow, what was that!," "Amazing" etc., but I was still so pissed off I went outside, sat on the curb and screamed at the moon.*************************************Wow, I can't believe how that night still affects me! It was one of the moments that influenced me to quit playing out live. I didn't want my career to consist of just being an angry, out-of-control rock guitarist. Ern So what are you now ern, a boring,in control,keyboardist?

[ernstinen]

Quote:So what are you now ern, a boring,in control,keyboardist? You got it, johnnydean! Are you psychic!? I've been talking to my wife lately about how bored I am sitting alone in my studio surrounded by computers, with no human contact, ALMOST bored enough to get back on that rock & roll bicycle! I've still got my '63 Strat and all my amps and effects, so you never know ---- Ern