Would anybody be kind enough to listen to this?

[mcanty]

I wrote this song about the way we drift through life doing things we don't really want to do, and the ultimate decision to escape it and find something more fulfilling........its called "This Inconsequential Life"I wrote it to be soulful and bluesy but it has turned out more "happy" than I had anticipated. I personally love the song, but I am too married to it to be objective because it is personal. I would like to know if a) it has any commercial potential and b) how you would classify it.That is me on lead vocals.Here is the linkhttp://www.soundclick.com/util/getplayer.m3u?id=6171483&q=hi

[Casey H]

Quote:I wrote this song about the way we drift through life doing things we don't really want to do, and the ultimate decision to escape it and find something more fulfilling........its called "This Inconsequential Life"I wrote it to be soulful and bluesy but it has turned out more "happy" than I had anticipated. I personally love the song, but I am too married to it to be objective because it is personal. I would like to know if a) it has any commercial potential and b) how you would classify it.That is me on lead vocals.Here is the linkhttp://www.soundclick.com/util/getplayer.m3u?i ... =hiHi.Nice song. It has a cool vibe- maybe a little Elton John (Country Comfort) like... or someone else but I can't put my finger on it, but it's good... I think structurally it could use some work to be more commercial. I labeled your sections as "Verse" and "B" for reference. You start out with a verse and then go to (B) where you jump up to those higher notes. BUT, you don't come down again for 3 whole (B) sections, leaving it all at too much tension for too long. I think it would be better to do a chorus based on your (B) material (4-8 bars maybe) and then come back down to verse. You could have a short pre-chorus "up there" too. It's that third (B) that bothers me. The same thing happens in the 2nd half of the song until "C" which is a nice bridge. The effectiveness of singing in that higher octave lessens as the user gets too much of it in one dose. There are a number of different ways but I think you get the point-- Make the listener want for that lift and not get tired of it.This is a tough one vocally with those high ones. Maybe some others here will pop in with some thoughts on that. You have a great range , it just comes down to not straining too much, staying on key (I think you are), and the quality of your voice.I see a lot of potential here especially a bit retro for film/TV... Oh, and I guess I didn't answer your question on the "too happy" thing... I ran out of time... got focused on the structure... And I really appreciate it when lyrics and an mp3 version are available... Thanks! Makes this much easier... HTHBest,Casey (Verse)We don't have to sacrifice We don't have to change our ways We just go on and on and on We sleep through days and days and days (B)We work all day but nothing gets done We don't really care, just wasting time We pass the days, months, and years We cash our checks, we dull our souls, we hide our tears (B)My brain is getting numb My heart is getting weak My body's getting old I'm having trouble speaking And my eyes can't make believe that they still see (B)A point to all of this I'm walking away Leaving no regrets The end begins today This Inconsequential life is killing me (Verse)Time keeps rolling like a snowball Faster and faster as it goes downhill The youth you thought would never end at all Oh how you wish you could make that time stand still (B)All the dreams I had protected Tucked them away up on a shelve I seems they may have felt neglected And ran off with somebody else (B)My brain is getting numb My heart is getting weak My body's getting old I'm having trouble speaking And my eyes can't make believe that they still see (B)A point to all of this I'm walking away Leaving no regrets The end begins today This Inconsequential life is killing me (C)Feels like I'm lost with no direction Feels like I'm blowing in the wind And this is the end

[billg]

Very cool song! I love the vibe & you have a great voice. I agree with Casey that maybe a bit more anticipation before you hit the higher parts might create a bigger payoff.A lot (ok all) of my stuff is also in the "retro" folder. There are from time to time roots-rock listings that I think this song would work for. I seem to remember an active listing for a song ala the group Train. I think this song might also work for a listing like that as well. Cool song!

[apjc10]

Let me just echo a little bit and say that this is a great song. The melody in your chorus is a perfect pop melody. Having said that i think that you take too long to get there...maybe cut the verses in half. Lyrically there are some rough parts. I feel like the words don't all flow perfectly. Ex. In the chorus you break up a line and wait until the melody comes back in to finish your phrase, "point to all of this" I beieve is the end of it. That feels a little forced but for the most part it is great.P.s.-Categorically speaking it sounds like the hardest track on a Fray album. Which is a very good thing.

[arkjack]

You are right for being in love with this song. I'll tell you how good I think it is...... Would it be OK with you if I learned this and added it to my repetoire for when I'm playing out? And even further.... I would like to try recording this song. It not only feels good as a song to listen to, but it also has words that really grab me and feels like it would be fun to be playing it. Send me a PM and let me know.ArkJack

[mcanty]

Thanks to everybody for the kind words and constructive criticism. You are all very objective and helpful.

[bigdrisk]

Nice song. Great voice!I don't know how much radio potential this has, but I can definitely see it in some sort of TV/Film placement. You know how they use contemplative songs like this in TV series such as Dawson Creek or Joan of Arcadia . . . well, I can hear this in one of those spots. Be on the lookout for listings like that.As far as format goes (and getting to the chorus sooner), I agree with what others have posted here IF you're going for pure commercial radio hit placements. But I don't think it's necessary for TV/Film. Those songs have a tendency to be more esoteric - like many singer/songwriter songs.Oh, and where Casey heard Elton John, I heard Billy Joel. But . . . we're a couple of old guys.

[mixopenta]

Wow! Great song, and what great, head on the nail lyric! I can relate to it 100% The genre is really not my ball park though, so I can only offer some general feedback.I agree with the other posters in terms of the build of the song. I kind of jumped off my seat when that first B section kicked in. One option would be to keep away from those high notes the first B section, but I'm no expert in this field, so consider it being one possible option among many.The arrangement/production has a retro feel to it, and because of lyrical content it doesn't quite lend to a more modern approach, although I'm sure there are ways to modernize the production without the risk of losing the target audience.I tend to consider the third B-section as kind of a chorus, and you could definitely throw in a three piece female harmony vocal on some lines to really nail it.What bothers me the most is that it comes across as being slightly in the wrong key for your voice, which by the way is fantastic and has a lot of potential. But to me the high notes appears as a tad bit over the top and slightly strained. You should be able to find a balance, where you are able not only to vent the "desperation", but also find some sort of comforting zone. You may find that the "happy" feel will go away approaching the vocals more soulfully, rather than "desperately".Great work, and good luck!

[Casey H]

Quote:Oh, and where Casey heard Elton John, I heard Billy Joel. But . . . we're a couple of old guys. I think the word is "experienced", LOL!!!

[sgs4u]

the rhythm of the chorus reminded me of "You had a bad day," and that's a fine commercial tune. Your first verse's melody is basically the same melody as your first "B" section, even tho it's 12 semi-tones higher. It would probably work to wait to jump that octave in singing until you get to the "My brain is...," section, which I'd call your chorus. But when you do go up that octave, it does sound a bit too high in range, mostly because you hover around that one "B" note (really high for a guy, wow) that's at the top of your vocal range. There are a few moments in the high sections, when the timing of your voice is too far ahead of the band, for my taste. Because the verses are pretty relaxed, as well as your band, the high voice part, seems to have the wrong intensity for the sounds behind it. As a lyric, it's interesting, but not out of this world great. As a production, the bass & drums are good, but the other stuff is not as good as the rhythm sec tracks. Played live, this tune could really capture an audience..., but as a recording, it's not that exciting to me yet.