A Toxic Fixation was" A Bad Situation"

[darlenemclyrics]

I have taken everyone's suggestions and changed a couple things
Thank You so much

©A Toxic Fixation©.Darlene C. McCoy

I'm not living in reality
Being hung up on you
You're driving me mad
I need a judicial review

I know I've lost my mind
it keeps playing tricks
I'm living a nightmare
And nothing seems to fit

I have a toxic fixation n
It's burning through my skin
deep inside my body
I feel the yearning within
It causes me frustration
That I can’t get past
Such a bad situation
I need break away fast
I have a toxic fixation
Toxic fixation
and it's poisonin me

I can't blame it on psychosis
Of being by myself
I'm surrounded by those
who care just like anyone else

So many times I ask myself
Should I just let you be
My only resolution
Is a sanity plea


I have a toxic fixation n
It's burning through my skin
Deep inside my body
I feel the burnin within
It causes me frustration
That I can’t get past
Such a bad situation
I need to break away fast
I have a toxic fixation
Toxic fixation

[mikeShort]

Editorial: "psychosis" is the word you want ...

[darlenemclyrics]

I have psychosis already,,or are you describing the lyric itself...lol
never mind I went back and reread it ,,I misspelled it ,,,thank you

[FMstereo]

Hi Darlene

I love the new title for this, and really like what you've done with the chorus, but I wonder if you're able to show me more in the verses, rather than just tell me. For example, I can't picture these lines in my mind:

I'm not living in reality
Being hung up on you

By describing what's happening to you, rather than just telling us, the song would be more powerful.

Pat Pattison explains this really well on his website.

http://www.patpattison.com/rustyscollar/

Also, I would consider changing the line

I need a judicial review

It doesn't sound conversational enough, and I think many people wouldn't understand what it was. (I have a legal background, and once tried to use the word "codicil" in a song. No one knew what I was talking about!!)

Cheers

[simonsays]

Hi Darlene,
Wow, I love what you've done with the word play!
I think this works much better now. (especially the chorus)
Mostly rhyme/allit nits at this point. (word substitution possibilities)

I have taken everyone's suggestions and changed a couple things
Thank You so much

©A Toxic Fixation©.Darlene C. McCoy

I'm not living in (reality)
Being hung up on you
(You're driving) me mad
I need a (judicial) review

I agree with FMstereo here, about the above.
I would suggest (reason) again, now that you've adopted a mental metaphor here. As a plus, it rhymes with (up on).
[some medical metaphor alternatives: (mental)(medical)(neuro-medical?)(radical?)]
(driving me mad) seems a bit cliche...(It's making?)... possible plus: allit. with mad and (mental?)

I know I've lost my mind
it keeps (on?) playing tricks
I'm livin(g) a nightmare
(And) nothin(g) seems to fit

you might try substituting (livin' in) for (living)
See how you like (where) for (and) there
As a plus, (where) rhymes with your (nightmare)

I have a toxic fixation n

Great new lines here Darlene! ... in line with your main metaphor!
I loved lines 2-4!
I find I can (get past) the added metaphor here,
since you strengthened your main one.

It's burning through my skin
deep inside my body
I feel the yearning within
It causes me frustration
That I can’t get past
Such a bad situation
I need break away fast
I have a toxic fixation
Toxic fixation
and it's poisonin me

I can't blame it on psychosis
(Of) being by myself
I'm surrounded by those
who care just like anyone else

I would substitute (or) for (of)...
though (of) would work (for me) with
a (the) before (psychosis).

So many times I ask myself
Should I just let you be
My only resolution
Is a ( ) sanity plea

[sounds (to my ear) as if you need another word (or two) here-- ( ) ]

I have a toxic fixation n
It's burning through my skin
Deep inside my body
I feel the burnin within
It causes me frustration
That I can’t get past
Such a bad situation
I need to break away fast
I have a toxic fixation
Toxic fixation

Sincerely, Steve

[darlenemclyrics]

It's been a lil while since I have been on here ,,So sorry for not getting back to it sooner
I love how ya'll have offered your help ,,I took some advice I think from all of you
I changed the first 2 verses a little ,,let me know if they work now,,
Thanks
Darlene


©A Toxic Fixation©.Darlene C. McCoy

If it wasn't for reality
That I'm hung up on you
I'd swear I'd lost my mind
With a neurotic review


I know I've lost my sences
my mind is playing tricks
I'm living in a nightmare
Where nothing seems to fit

I have a toxic fixation n
It's burning through my skin
deep inside my body
I feel the yearning within
It causes me frustration
That I can’t get past
Such a bad situation
I need break away fast
I have a toxic fixation
Toxic fixation
and it's poisonin me

I can't blame the psychosis
Or being by myself
I'm surrounded by those
who care just like anyone else

So many times I ask myself
Should I just let you be
My only resolution
Is a friggin sanity plea

I have a toxic fixation n
It's burning through my skin
Deep inside my body
I feel the burnin within
It causes me frustration
That I can’t get past
Such a bad situation
I need to break away fast
I have a toxic fixation
Toxic fixation

[Casey H]

Hi Darlene
The chorus is good but the verses really need work IMO. They are very non-conversational- not at all like real people with talk. Imagine using "neurotic review" in your every day conversation... Not likely. "Psychosis" really doesn't fit well. It's important when trying to rhyme not to lose sight of reasonable ways to say things.

The other thing is the verses could do a better job of setting up the chorus. You want to establish how you are hung up on him and also maybe introduce a little about the story-- your losing sleep, going out of your mind, keep trying to forget him but can't, some things(s) about him you love, etc. I suggest first saying those things in plain language and then maybe refining if it's too cliche.

Google is a very useful too. Search for other songs with similar subjects. Don't steal other people's lyrics but get ideas. Sometimes I search phrases on the internet and, believe it or not, go to dating site forums. They are a wealth of song lyric material!

HTH
Best of luck!
Casey