I walk into a horizon that fills with dark clouds.

[orest]

I'm sad for this whole situation. I pray that everything will be alright soon. God works in a mysterious way, we will never fully understand his way. My best friends wife just got cancer for the second time, nothing is sure in this world. But, one must find hope and meaning, otherwise you will go down and eventually get depressed, really depressed. That is nothing I want for anyone!

[ernstinen]

Mar 13, 2009, 3:29pm, orest wrote:But, one must find hope and meaning, otherwise you will go down and eventually get depressed, really depressed. That is nothing I want for anyone! Me neither! I am THE expert on depression. Please go to a therapist, and more importantly, go to an MD. I had a psychologist, after 20+ years of therapy, tell me "I can't figure out why you're depressed. We've talked through everything, and I think you need medication."So I went to a doctor, and with the new anti-depressants, it's REMARKABLE how better you feel after a few weeks! Saved my life --- literally.And also, write music and play music. It's very theraputic.Most of you may or may not know about the "MY NEIGHBOR" saga, but at the worst of it, I wrote an orchestral piece entitled "Ash Shaytan" (Arabic for "Go Away Devil). It was incredible how it released my anger and worry.BUT --- I still get "blue," and worse. Sometimes it feels like a "brain storm," and not in a good way. Mental pain is 1000 times worse than any physical pain I've ever felt. --- The storms blow by, and I feel better again. And so will yours.HTH,Ern

[heinsite]

damn, i can relate, from a family of depressed souls.i have a new production of one of my older tunes that will be ready in a few days, i hope that you guys with therapy "experience" or should have some, will give it a listen. it'll be on peer to peer and is titled "Only Hope". it should be ready in a few days...the best,warren

[orest]

I think it's very common for artists to get depressed. Very emotional people, and when things happen that are bad, really bad, it's easy to go down too. Well, I know, I have trouble to turn of my thoughts, I sleep bad at night and have a constant headache, but I try the best I can to be a light and find happiness. I take some medication as well. But I think medication should be taken with restriction so you don't get too depended. But, if you are depressed, than you might want to try it. Talk to a doctor, someone you can trust that can understand how you are feeling. The thing is, if you are bitter, you will take this out on your family and friends in the end.

[claire]

I can relate to wishing for that hit song so that I could help my family. I wish I could afford to have my parents living together again, instead of my mother being in a nursing home and my father living in their apartment. After 63 years of married life, that's our compromise solution because we don't have the money to do it any other way. Thing is, even if I had the hit song my mother would still be bedridden, my parents would still be 91 years old, and the only thing we can count on is each other because we all know where this is eventually heading. We're making the best of it and we're actually doing well, and that's life.Having the hit song didn't help the pro writers in this town when one of them lost his 12 year old son in a ATV accident or when another lost his little girl because her brother accidentally backed a car over her or when several others have stood at the gravesides of their young wives/husbands after long illnesses. They all had money, they all had hit songs - and life happened to all of them.That said, having been through depressions and therapy myself, I would suggest you see a doctor. Clinical depression and that level of anger don't resolve by channeling them into a song. Good luck to you and to your family.Claire

[ernstinen]

Mar 14, 2009, 5:05am, claire wrote: Clinical depression and that level of anger don't resolve by channeling them into a song.ClaireThat's very true, Claire. Writing music maybe helped me 5% and modern anti-depressants 95%. Clinical depression is a real illness, and no laughing matter. People who say "Pull up your bootstraps," or "Put a smile on your face" etc. are NOT scientists and don't understand the severity of depression. They deny the chemical imbalance of the brain, which is the real cause of depression.It's like saying to a person with cancer, "Ah, things will be alright. Just get over it!" Illness is illness, and medical science will eventually solve problems like this, as polio in the U.S. was eradicated in the 1950's.Best To All,Ern

[cmrmurray]

Exactly correct. But often problems seem so simple to people who don't have the same problems...

[sgs4u]

If this guy can get thru life as a motivational speaker, then we all have something very interesting to learn about problems...





GA_googleFillSlot("336x280_ROS");

[suzdoyle]

I think artists feel all emotions, from the joyous to the despairing, more deeply than most. We dive deeply into the emotional landscapes because this is where we feel drawn to explore and then express ourselves creatively.This sensitivity allows us to create great beauty in our particular forms of expression, and at the same time, works best if we are be mindful of taking good care of ourselves amidst the sensory and emotional overloads of modern day life.For me, I have to have ample daily quiet and contemplation time as the core of my self care as an artist. In fact, when pondering attending this year's Taxi Road Rally, I know that I'm going to need to find a way to spend at least half my time there in a quiet room. Choosing to be around too much noise and stimulation for too long -- even amazing noise and stimulation -- just overloads my circuits. I know that about myself and am careful to create the space I need to stay grounded and nourished. Soooooo, I think as artists we all end up figuring out how to recharge our batteries and nourish ourselves. One thing that struck me about this particular forum thread is the feeling that something outside oneself (a hit song, more money, etc.) will make things better. I dance around this issue on occasion, and heard a wonderful story from a friend and counselor that offered some insight:She talked about how, growing up in a home with an abusive alcoholic father, she always wished for a big dog to protect her. The neighbor kids had a big dog, and they seemed happy and safe, while in her house there was terror and trauma as her father would come home in drunken rages and assault his wife in various ways. While growing up, she imagined a good job or husband, or something would make things feel better. She married a man who resembled "the big dog", and it didn't make things better. She became a drug and alcohol treatment counselor, did a lot of healing work, and is now an international keynote speaker.And she discovered, after much hard work on her family issues, that there is no big dog. There is no guarantee in life of anything. Money, the perfect love, the perfect family, the hit song -- all those things are just circumstances or experiences. They don't change the essential story in one's own mind. People become millionaires and discover they are just as unfulfilled as when they were paupers. People marry "the perfect person" and discover something still feels wrong. People achieve success they imagine will make things okay and they still feel empty.My friend's point is that, as long as we expect something outside ourselves to make things better, things aren't likely to truly feel better. We are our own big dogs. We are the ones who are living our lives holding certain stories to be true, and we are the ones responsible for changing our stories if they no longer serve us.Will tons of money or having a hit song make every okay? No. They might be fun, but they only amplify our essential underlying state of being. And if the underlying story is there's not enough, then that story will be amplified (e.g. in all the billionnaires who take their lives after losing half of their fortunes. Somehow, 4 billion wasn't enough in their stories). And they bring new things to deal with -- issues about privacy, tons of attention, other matters that must be addressed when one's work in the world becomes bigger.My friend's point, that really hit home with me, is that we are the only ones who can make our lives "okay," in spite of any life circumstances (good or bad). Sure, it's fun to think about our aspirations, or how a hit song or finding that perfect love might make things easier. But hoping for something out there to make it better means our underlying story is that we don't feel we strong or able enough to make things better ourselves, here and now, in this very moment. And the truth is, we are the only ones who can choose our stories and what our experience of life is. We are our own big dogs. WOOF! I find this analogy very helpful when I forget that the richest moments are those held in the quiet grace of just being present in every moment of life; in the unexpected miracles that feel big and WOW, and in the every day, ordinary workings of the every day world.To me, the opportunity is recognizing that we are actively creating our lives right here and now, in every moment, and that we always get to choose how to respond to whatever comes our way.So, by all means, write a hit song if that would be nourishing and fun. But at the same time, remember to gaze right now at the wonders of each breath, rising and falling, of the amazing richness of human experience surrounding you, and of how much compassion arises in your heart for your loved ones in need.Suz

[southpaw]

christophersclaybo.. Life is hard. You will never see better times. There is no hope. And you will never have a "yard big enough to play softball in..." Dont worry though, your outlook will get comfortable even more than it is now, you will have a great life shared with others that you can whine through life with. There, i said it. Get your attention..? That must be what you wanna hear right? Is that what you really want... Hate me if you'd like, because im sure you wouldnt listen to me if i told you the paradigms to a successful life, that others have shared with you already. Talk to a proffessional before you bust anymore windows. You owe it to your aunt and uncle to help them deal with coping with their situation. I hope the best for you. In reality though, i hope you hope the best for you. Because it is all on you."I'm told in Near-death-experiences the Light allows you to relive your entire past. I wonder... Would I be able to relive my past up close and personal..."Not for me. People come and go in a flash. God bless us. Edit: Suz must have posted while i was still typing, wow, i need to work on my typing!By the way chris this helps me out sometimes."God grant me the serenity to accept the things i cannot change, courage to change the things i can, and the wisdom to know the difference."