I walk into a horizon that fills with dark clouds.

[cmrmurray]

Hi Chris, I've also had back problems and low spirits, if not as severe as yours, and I found both have been helped by martial arts training. I'd recommend a good tai chi class or a martial art if you can find one that has a philosophy of health and self improvement rather than competition or aggression. Yoga too might be good in helping with stress and posture.

[tedsingingfox]

Hey, Inspiration Man.It seems I'm one of the few people on these boards who knows about the physical issues and challenges you face on a daily basis. (Not my place to share such knowledge, so I'll leave that choice up to you.)Michael Laskow NEVER would've honored you with that award at last year's Rally if he wasn't fully aware of how incredibly BRAVE and strong you are, and if he wasn't personally in AWE of your ability to fight against the odds. You ARE an inspiration to him. He even told me the day BEFORE you got your award that he was doing that, and the emotion in his voice was legit.(late edit: I'm not claiming for one second that ML and I are buddy/buddy... I happened to run into him in the hallway as he was carrying an entire tray's worth of lunches to deliver to his staff as they were finishing up the stuffing process of our "goodie bags". And he was kind enough -and excited enough- to share this story.)You are an inspiration for me, as well. And it nearly broke my heart to hear the pain and frustration in your "voice" in your first post. There MANY of us praying for you here (and consequently all over the globe), but you should also remember that we NEED you to be strong. For yourself and for ALL of us.So, as far as I'm concerned, if that means you need to vent, then VENT away, buddy. I get it. And believe me, I've been doing some serious venting lately, my own self.I am here for you. We ALL are here for you. Let us hear you screaming from the rooftops when you need to scream. Don't worry. We aren't going anywhere.Glad to hear you're feeling better.Ted

[hummingbird]

I don't have any answers except to say that we're here to listen and support, consider us family.

[suzdoyle]

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Ya!Suz

[tedsingingfox]

Oh, Suz... If I COULD kiss you right now, I would.XOXOX

[mojobone]

If you begin to notice an uptick in your personal fortune,(s) Chris, I hope you'll give praise to Her mercy. Let the wind of our prayers lift you. God bless.

[squids]

I will add you to my compassionate chants, Chris. I too have some physical disabilities and have gone through a few things. I can tell you some pretty cool stuff I've learned in school and with dealing with stage IV cancer girls:Depression can hit anyone. All it takes is getting the blues (a natural dip in our mood) that lasts long enough to become a trough (depression). Trauma can cause it as well, chemical changes in our brain that are easily seen in MRIs. Most depressions lift around 3 - 5 years but in that time, behaviors may develop that then need to be unraveled. Personally and not jes because it's in my field, I recommend therapy to learn stuff we all really need ta know......good coping mechanisms (what we do after something bad happens), good life management skills (what we do befo it happens) and most importantly, learn about ourselves, our weaknesses, where we should look in our lives, where we shouldn't. Of course, some folks struggle with chronic depression and meds are wonderful fo that too.artists are not unique in their sensitivity. We wear all our nerve endings on the outside. With appropriate education, we can learn to continue to tap into those feelings and still protect them.Since depression can last 5 years and fo some, it's a lifelong struggle of attack and remission, medication is highly recommended. Why suffer? The longer you in it, the mo behaviors you develop to try ta deal with it that may or may not be good foi ya.I also recommend suz's approach and would also add, make sho ta get 30 minutes of sunshine every day if you can. Light therapy if you live somewhere it ain't so sunny. We need the sun, it produces neurochemicals that heighten our seratonin. Also, stay away from soft drinks........aspartame blocks any tryptophan you might be getting from yo diet (a necessity fo good mental health). The highway ta yo brain is only so wide and diet drinks pretty much take up the whole dang thing. The favorite drink of anorexics, btw. That should tell ya somethin right there. Anyway, Chris, the answer to yo questions lie within you. She didn't leave us out here without tools of our very own, unique to us.

[hummingbird]

Mar 23, 2009, 7:53am, squids wrote:Also, stay away from soft drinks........aspartame blocks any tryptophan you might be getting from yo diet (a necessity fo good mental health). The highway ta yo brain is only so wide and diet drinks pretty much take up the whole dang thing. The favorite drink of anorexics, btw. That should tell ya somethin right there.That's really interesting, Squids. I was surprised to read 3 or 4 years ago that diet soft drinks can affect the blood sugar & be a possible problem to diabetics as well. I gave up drinking diet coke. Nowadays I avoid foods with additives and the only sugar replacement I allow is Splenda. I also like your advice about 30 minutes of sunlight or good light a day, and I would say, if you can get that by walking around the neighbourhood, and trying to be awake and aware as you walk (I try to notice the little things like flowers, birds singing, the freshness of the air, the colours, etc., observe my breath), the exercise is an added benefit (in fact, I think exercise is extremely important for good mental health & it doesn't have to be going to the gym. Bike riding, walking, skating, swimming...). Another thing I do - which I know seems simplistic but I think makes a difference to my outlook - is to try to find something to be joyful about. If, every night, before you go to sleep, you list 10 things to be grateful for, over time, that positive energy begins to be present more often. Do it for 3 months and see what happens. I also like Suz advice on reading "Change Your Brain, Change your Life," by psychiatrist Daniel Amen. I've seen the video, and I've read the book. I highly recommend it. What you take in directly affects your brain's ability to work effectively.I would like to add, though, that often these DIY solutions can seem like huge mountains to climb. We may need a therapist or mentor to assist us in making choices and staying on the path. Sometimes there are neighbourhood houses that offer counselling or even on-line resources that are free or low-cost. I encourage you to seek help. You are not alone and there is absolutely no shame whatsoever in asking for help to get better.

[ernstinen]

Great posts, Squids & Hummingbird --- I second those emotions!Depression runs in my family, and I have a stoic brother who just denies it. He finally went to an MD, and was told he would feel better on some of the newer medications. Well, my stubborn (and frugal) brother decided that he would take St. John's Wort to avoid paying for medication. Ironically, his wife works in a mental hospital, and just can't get him to embrace modern medicine --- St. John's Wort may work for mild depression, but my brother is severely depressed.BUT, living in the clouds of Michigan, he HAS realized that light therapy is a good idea for him. During the dark months there, he decided to invest in some "sun" lights which he says helps him. That's a good step, but he has to put modern medication into the equation, also. No one can MAKE him do anything, so he just suffers day to day. He thinks that SSRIs are just "happy pills," and tries to pull himself up by his bootstraps. That's pretty ignorant, but if his wife's advice doesn't filter through his mind, I don't think anything will. Too bad. I wish I could help, but as I said, he's stoic and stubborn to a fault.Ern

[squids]

We can't help those who won't take it, Ern. It's part of my belief system that detaching ourselves in some ways from others lives shows that we respect that they are capable or could be capable of changing. Of course, in severely clinical cases of disease, that's not possible.Stoicism is the coin many depressives use. It functions in much the same way as some antidepressants but without full benefit; they are able to distance themselves from their emotions and it does create an environment of discipline which is also a good tool against despair. However, stoicism is a hammer; can't do fine work with it, it only leads to a big ol' mess in the end........I see that in my work. I jes can't tell you how many times I've seen folks try desperately ta do their life's homework at the last minute befo they time's up. It used ta depress me but now I see that's the nature of the culture we live in, or rather the remnants of an earlier generation that didn't have the chemical and cognitive tools available to us now.(((((((((((((((((ern)))))))))))))))))))))) It's tough ta love someone and see them suffa. I know.