Lemonade - New Mix with Drums

[Mark Kaufman]

Jul 1, 2008, 6:21am, zoom wrote:Yep... definitely Beatles... and Elvis Costello too! This is a really cool piece, great instrumentation, vocals, etc.... and knowing that it was written in MN is the cherry on top (of the spoon). But since you're looking for more to do with this song....As far as critiques go, I think the big thing is that there doesn't seem to be a big differentiation between verse and chorus. It seems to me almost as if the chorus IS the verse... which seems really quirky to me... and maybe it's only because I'm trying to analyze it! Don't get me wrong... it isn't awkward or bad... just quirky. Then again, it's a retro 60's piece... so maybe quirky is the way to go!Also... the layering is REALLY SUPER THICK... but you knew that already! At times it makes perfect sense, and other times it seems a bit too much. Might want to peel back some of the layers at the beginning and then hit them all on the first chorus or second verse. The intro seems to have 2 solos going on with the bass and an electric... and the background vocals could probably use a different technique to make the sound wider and a little clearer -- they get a little mushy in the bridge. I think you're using a vocal effect for the background vocals... if so, you might want to see what a 3 part harmony does as opposed to 4. And maybe the bridge should be completely a cappella with more of an instrumental build into the solo? Breaking into the solo doesn't flow as well as the rest of the song...By the way... how big of a breath did you need to do some of those background vocals??? Hope that helps give you some ideas... but it's a really cool piece. Nice work so far, and I look forward to hearing any updates you do!Hey zoom, thanks for the detailed crit! I won't comment on them all right now, but believe me, I will be thinking about them all as I hammer this one into shape. I overdid it last night, so I'll pull some things back and make others more prominent, re-record distorted bits, add dynamic percussion (yeah this is just a bass-snare click track). And yes, it was a long breath. I like to post these TOO early because people are more free with their feelings and crits when a track is still messy but almost there. Mostly I wanted to see if the feel of it works for people.Anyway, much appreciated and it will evolve in the next several days.Thanks! -Mark

[Mark Kaufman]

Jul 1, 2008, 6:43am, heinsite wrote:hell man,lennon and harrison just peeked out from that curtain of light and said "what he do in that prechorus--aaallllll riiiiiiiiiight, nice lift mate"great vibe, refreshing like....yep.my only problem is with a few of the lyrics that sound a bit forced, read them first and thought,uh oh, a bit corny. however, with music, they stand pretty well. i don't like "outta site", though it fits the vibe just fine, it makes my feel old as i am..., also not crazy about "shady shade", and a couple other lines but hell, got to pick at something.real good tune AGAIN, young man. i likey.the best,warrenThanks Warren! I hear you on those rhymes...I'm shooting for a certain style that consists of nonstop rhymes, short rhymes...and corny is almost okay with me...but some of those do need to change, don't they? I don't want to tell a story so much as I want the lyrics to be one of the effects or instruments...the main thrust of this song is the mood---I just wanted a very bright energy to it, an upper. That's hard to pull off. Listening to it all on the way to work this morning, I liked a lot of it, but there's too much going on now. I sort of knew that last night at 3am, and that's why I decided to post it now and hear some opinions before I make the next move. Thanks for telling me what you think plus and minus--that truly helps me. -Mark

[Mark Kaufman]

Jul 1, 2008, 6:48am, heinsite wrote:oh, sorrry,wanted to say i really LIKE the FX allot--only thing that bugged my ears (the right ones especially, you'll get it) did you mean to have the backing on the right side to be that far behind, seemed a bit distracting--i'd push it up a few, especially from about :08 through :23that's itwhDo you mean it should be louder, or panned closer to the center?

[devin]

Jul 1, 2008, 6:55am, lyle wrote:I like to post these TOO early because people are more free with their feelings and crits when a track is still messy but almost there.(*takes notes*)That, my good man, is a very insightful remark.

[billg]

Mark I think this is just awesome. I'm really bad when it comes to the whole critique thing, wish I was as good at the in depth stuff as some of the others . . .The only thing that sruck me were things you'd probably get around to anyway; bg vocals a bit loud in places, drums could use a bit more presence. I love this song!

[Mark Kaufman]

Jul 1, 2008, 7:43am, devin wrote:Jul 1, 2008, 6:55am, lyle wrote:I like to post these TOO early because people are more free with their feelings and crits when a track is still messy but almost there.(*takes notes*)That, my good man, is a very insightful remark.There's another compelling reason, good sir: it's much easier for me to change things now than it is when I come to think it's "done"....less heartbreak, less resistance to change...I'm still in that mode of throwing the clay, so I'm on the same page as the critiquers. When it's "done", no doubt about it, I'm less into diving back in.

[sgs4u]

I gotta say Mark, that's very FORWARD thinking. I'm gonna start doing that too.Jul 1, 2008, 8:02am, lyle wrote:Jul 1, 2008, 7:43am, devin wrote:(*takes notes*)That, my good man, is a very insightful remark.There's another compelling reason, good sir: it's much easier for me to change things now than it is when I come to think it's "done"....less heartbreak, less resistance to change...I'm still in that mode of throwing the clay, so I'm on the same page as the critiquers. When it's "done", no doubt about it, I'm less into diving back in.

[Mark Kaufman]

Jul 1, 2008, 8:01am, billg wrote:Mark I think this is just awesome. I'm really bad when it comes to the whole critique thing, wish I was as good at the in depth stuff as some of the others . . .The only thing that sruck me were things you'd probably get around to anyway; bg vocals a bit loud in places, drums could use a bit more presence. I love this song!Thanks Bill...the main focus here is bright, energetic pop. ...except for my secret desire to experiment with something as a result of that thread about Differentiating the Chorus...I wanted to see if I could write something in which the chorus has the same chords and melody as the verse...Thanks, Bill!-Mark

[devin]

Jul 1, 2008, 8:02am, lyle wrote:Jul 1, 2008, 7:43am, devin wrote:(*takes notes*)That, my good man, is a very insightful remark.There's another compelling reason, good sir: it's much easier for me to change things now than it is when I come to think it's "done"....less heartbreak, less resistance to change...I'm still in that mode of throwing the clay, so I'm on the same page as the critiquers. When it's "done", no doubt about it, I'm less into diving back in.Yup. I think our peers providing the free critiques sense that too. That's what makes your point so valid...guys like me reading it know both sides of the feedback fence, and your point is an epiphany on BOTH counts. Not only is earlier feedback easier on the songwriter, it's easier on the listener/critiquer (<-- real word?). The writer has to be secure enough to let the raw file stand alone....and the person doing the feedback gets a chance to comment on song structure etc while changes are easier done.It's easier to get lots of big picture feedback when you are drawing up the plans for a new house...but if you wait until the house is done, the only constructive* feedback left to give is what color to paint the walls.*pun

[Casey H]

Cool song, Mark... Made me thirsty... I hear a Dylan/Petty voice with Beatles style. It felt to me like the stretching of the word in the pre-chorus line, "I used to drink to feel all riiiiight" is just a little too much... too exaggerated to force more differentiation? I like the stretch but probably not held as long.The chorus comes in using the guitar stab chords to differentiate it a bit. It might work. Some songs use the same chords for verse and chorus and get away with techniques like that. However, when you come out of the first chorus into the second verse the lack of differentiation really shows.The pre-chorus is a nice change up. I'm thinking you might want to do something to the chorus to make it stand out more.Very nice!! Casey