Joke of the Minute...

[ernstinen]

Quote:An elderly gentleman was sipping on a scotch in an upscale hotel bar, when a pretty older lady sat down next to him. They began to talk, and found an immediate attraction to each other.After a few drinks, the gentleman invited the lady up to his room for a nightcap. She accepted.The brandy enhanced the mood, and one thing led to the next. The lady flirtatiously sat on the bed, and the gentleman began to slowly undress her. When she was naked from the waist up, the elderly lady said "I think I should let you know that I have acute angina."The gentleman replied "I sure hope so, because the rest of you is looking pretty droopy!"Ern Let's try this again!Now that's funny... I don't care who ya are... That's funny... Jeez, do I have to spell it out for youse guys? Or maybe you're fkg with me!!!!Ern

[mani]

Nah! We'd never do a thing like that Ern!! Unless you had a really cute angina. Btw...Quote:Now that's funny... I don't care who ya are... That's funny...Isn't that Hook's line?? I hope you put in a compulsory licence request for that one!!

[marineer]

The 95 years old billionaire married again!Actually he is an famous COUNTRYMUSIC producer and still big in that biz. His bride is a most beautiful, lovely,really extraordinaire good-looking, blonde longhaired sexy chick with nice big boobs, legs ´til her butt, a wonderful smile and she sings like an angel ! All wedding party guests are whispering behind their backs, "she´s only looking after his money, and she will s*** the shit out of him, until he gets a heart attack, to take his amount of money !"the billionaire noticed it always, but kept the smile on his face.the wedding was amazing and everybody happy or completely pissed!early in the morning ... the beloved couple went to bed ...for to do ... what all just married couples would do ... !four weeks later: The flash news posting every our in each tv-channel, radio and on all boards in the internet !THE PRECIOUS BRIDE IS DEAD !!! WHY HOPEFUL TALENTED SINGER HAS GONE FOREVER !!!the death certificate note:poisoned, salmonellae !obviously... HIS... eggs were too old !!! sorry guys ... forgive me , i´ve tried my best to put it in english !

[marineer]

p.s.in the USA you use "BALLS" ... instead of "EGGS" !!!

[bobc]

St. Peter asks the person in front of the pearly gates, "What did you do in life?" The reply - I was a physician - brought a generous smile from St. Peter who said, "Very noble profession, you are welcome in heaven. Of course, there's nothing for you to do here as we have no illness of any kind, but you are most welcome in heaven. The bar on the left goes on forever, the buffet on the right goes on to eternity, and the pink fluffy looking cloud in the middle is where God hangs out; feel free to talk to God, eat and drink as much as you like; you are welcome in heaven. St. Peter asks the next person, "What did you do in life?" The reply - I was a lawyer - brought a disgruntled look as St. Peter rolled his eyes and said, "Well, everyone is welcome in heaven. Of course, there's nothing for you to do here as we have no crime or ill will or accidents of any kind, but you are welcome in heaven. The bar on the left goes on forever, the buffet on the right goes on to eternity, and the pink fluffy looking cloud in the middle is where God hangs out; feel free to talk to God, eat and drink as much as you like; you are welcome in heaven. St. Peter asks the next person, "What did you do in life?" The reply - I was a jazz bassist - brought an excited response of delight as St. Peter excitedly said, "You're going to love it here! The jam sessions go on forever! And you can play with Miles, or Trane, or Bill Evans. Duke Ellington writes a new piece for the band every day. There's plenty of solo space, no weird keys, nothing out of tune, no bad notes, no bad changes, and the time is always rock solid - you're going to love it here! Oh, by the way,you didn't park out front, did you? Stay away from the bar and the buffet table - and don't try to talk to God - he's busy. Could you come in through the loading dock? And do you have a sound system we could use during breaks?"Bob

[marineer]

LOVE IT !!!tom

[hookstownbrown]

NYUK! QUALITEEE...

[marineer]

This has nothing common with the f*****´music biz, but it is sooooo tru !MATHEMATICSSmart man+ smart woman = romanceSmart man+dumb woman = affairDumb man+smart woman = marriageDumb man+ dumb woman = pregnancyOFFICE ARITHMETICSmart boss+ smart employee = profitSmart boss+dumb employee = productionDumb boss+smart employee = promotionDumb boss+dumb employee = overtimeSHOPPING MATHA man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need.GENERAL EQUATIONS & STATISTICSA woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.A successful woman is one who can find such a man.HAPPINESSTo be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him alittle.To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try tounderstand her at all.LONGEVITYMarried men live longer than single men do, but married men are a lotmore willing to die.PROPENSITY TO CHANGEA woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, and she does.DISCUSSION TECHNIQUEA woman has the last word in any argument.Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.HOW TO STOP PEOPLE FROM BUGGING YOU ABOUT GETTING MARRIEDOld aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poking me in the ribs andcackling, telling me, "You're next." They stopped after I started doingthe same thing to them at funerals.SEND THIS TO A SMART WOMAN WHO NEEDS A LAUGH AND TO THE SMART GUYS YOUKNOW CAN HANDLE IT. TOM

[hookstownbrown]

Guy walks into a bar, notices a very large jar on the counter, and sees that it's filled to the brim with $10 bills.He guesses there must be thousands of dollars in it...He approaches the bartender and asks. "What's up with the jar?" "Well, you pay $10 and if you pass three tests, you get all the money." The man certainly isn't going to pass this up. "What are the three tests?" "Pay first, those are the rules." says the bartender. So the man gives him the $10 and the bartender drops it into the jar. "OK," the bartender says. Here's what you need to do: First - You have to drink that entire gallon of pepper tequila, the whole thing, all at once...and you can't make a face while doing it. Second, There's a pit bull chained-up out back with a sore tooth. You have to remove the tooth with your bare hands. Third. - There's a 90-year old woman upstairs who has never reached orgasm during intercourse. You've gotta make things right for her." The man is stunned. "I know I paid my $10, but I'm not an idiot! I won't do it! You have to be nuts to drink a gallon of pepper tequila, and then do those other things..." "Your call," says the bartender, "but your money stays where it is." As time goes on and the man has a few drinks, then a few more, he asks, "Where ez zat tequila?" He grabs the gallon with both hands and downs it with a big slurp. Tears streaming down both cheeks, but he doesn't make a face. Next, he staggers out back where the pit bull is chained-up and soon the people inside the bar hear a huge, noisy, scuffle going on outside. They hear the pit bull barking, the guy screaming, the pit bull yelping and then... silence. Just when they think the man surely must be dead, he staggers back into the bar, with his shirt ripped and large bloody scratches al over his body. "Now," he says, "Where's the old woman with the sore tooth?"

[marineer]

What I liked most...: hen a young salesman met his untimely end, he was informed that he had a choice about where he would spend his eternity: Heaven or Hell. He was allowed to visit both places, and then make his decision afterwards. "I'll see Heaven first," said the salesman, and an angel led through the gates on a private tour. Inside it was very peaceful and serene, and all the people there were playing harps and eating grapes. It looked very nice, but the salesman was not about to make a decision that could very well condemn him to a life of musical produce. "Can I see Hell now?" he asked. The angel pointed him to the elevator, and he went down to the basement where he was greeted by one of Satan's loyal followers. For the next half hour, the salesman was led through a tour of what appeared to be the best night clubs he'd ever seen. People were partying loudly, and having a great time. When the tour ended, he was sent back up where the angel asked him if he had reached a final decision. "Yes, I have," he replied. "As great as Heaven looks and all, I have to admit that Hell was more of my kind of place. I've decided to spend my eternity down there." The salesman was sent to hell, where he was immediately thrown into a cave and was chained to a wall, and he was subjected to various tortures. "When I came down here for the tour," he yelled with anger and pain, "I was shown a whole bunch of bars and parties and other great stuff! What happened?" The devil replied, "Oh, that! That was just the Sales Presentation."