Joke of the Minute...

[drew]

During a visit to the mental asylum, a visitor asked the Director what the criterion was which defined whether or not a patient should be institutionalized."Well," said the Director, "we fill up a bathtub, then we offera teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the patient and ask him orher to empty the bathtub.""Oh, I understand," said the visitor. "A normal person woulduse the bucket because it's bigger than the spoon or the teacup.""No," said the Director, "A normal person would pull the plug.Gotcha! Make sure you get a bed by the window.

[ernstinen]

Ya got me! I heard this in a restaurant last night -----------"Lieberman, party of one!"------Ern

[drew]

Husband and wife had a bitter quarrel on the day of their 40thwedding anniversary!The husband yells, "When you die, I'm getting you a headstonethat reads:"Here Lies My Wife - Cold As Ever ""Yeah?" she replies. "When you die, I'm getting you a headstonethat reads:"Here Lies My Husband - Stiff At Last"

[drew]

YOU KNOW YOU ARE LIVING IN 2006 when... 1. You accidentally enter your PIN on the microwave. 2. You haven't played solitaire with real cards in years. 3. You have a list of 15 phone numbers to reach your family ofthree. 4. You e-mail the person who works at the desk next to you. 5. Your reason for not staying in touch with friends and familyis that they don't have e-mail addresses. 6. You pull up in your own driveway and use your cell phone tosee if anyone is home to help you carry in the groceries. 7. Every commercial on television has a web site at the bottomof the screen. 8. Leaving the house without your cell phone, which you didn'teven have the first 20 or 30 (or 60) years of your life, is now acause for panic and you turn around to go and get it. 10. You get up in the morning and go on line before getting yourcoffee. 11. You start tilting your head sideways to smile. : ) 12. You're reading this and nodding and laughing. 13. Even worse, you know exactly to whom you are going toforward this message. 14. You are too busy to notice there was no #9 on this list. 15. You actually scrolled back up to check that there wasn't a#9 on this list. AND NOW U R LAUGHING at yourself.

[edteja]

Number nine? Number nine?

[drew]

Osama bin Laden died, and George Washington met him at the Pearly Gates. He slapped him across the face and yelled, "How dare you try to destroy the nation I helped conceive!"Patrick Henry approached, punched him in the noseand shouted, "You wanted to end our liberties, but you failed!"James Madison followed; he kicked him in the groin andsaid, "This is why I allowed our government to provide for thecommon defense!"Thomas Jefferson was next. He beat Osama with a long cane andsnarled, "It was evil men like you who inspired me to write theDeclaration of Independence."The beatings and thrashings continued as George Mason, JamesMonroe, and 66 other early Americans unleashed their anger on theterrorist leader.As Osama lay bleeding and in pain, an Angel appeared. Bin Ladenwept and said, "This is not what you promised me."The Angel replied, "I told you there would be 72 Virginianswaiting for you in Heaven. What did you think I said?"

[ernstinen]

HaHaHaHaHaHa! That's gotta go in Drew's Greatest Hits! Ern

[hookstownbrown]

Hehheh! Somehow I knew you'd get a kick out of that one, Ern...

[drew]

A professor at Louisiana Tech was giving a lecture on the supernatural.To get a feel for his audience, he asked, "How many people here believe in ghosts?"About 90 students raised their hands."Well, that's a good start. Out of those of you who believe in ghosts, do any of you think you have seen a ghost?"About 40 students raised their hands."That's really good. I'm really glad you are all taking this seriously.Has anyone here ever talked to a ghost?"About 15 students raised their hands."Has anyone here ever touched a ghost?"3 students raised their hands."That's fantastic. Now let me ask you one question further...Have any of you ever made love to a ghost?"Way in the back, Bubba raises his hand. The professor took off hisglasses, and said "Son, all the years I've been giving this lecture, noone has ever claimed to have made love to a ghost. You've got to come up here and tell us about your experience."The big redneck student replied with a nod and a grin, and began to make his way up to the podium.When he reached the front of the room, the professor asked, "So, Bubba, tell us what it was like to have sex with a ghost?"Bubba replied, "Shiiiit! From way back thar, I thought you said "Goats."

[bobbydazzler]

Bono is at a U2 concert in Ireland when he asks the audience for some quiet. Then in the silence, he starts to slowly clap his hands.Holding the audience in total silence, he says into the microphone..."Every time I clap my hands, a child in Africa dies."A voice from near the front of the audience pierces the silence..."F*****G stop doing it then!"