Joke of the Minute...

[rlcmusic]

You are on the bus when you suddenly realize ... you need to pass gas. The music is really loud, so you time your gas with the beat. After a couple of songs, you start to feel better as you approach your stop. As you are leaving the bus, people are really staring you down, and that's when you remember: you've been listening to your ipod.

[byllsong]

Good one Rach

[davekershaw]

[drew]

FIVE RULES FOR MEN TO FOLLOW TO A HAPPY LIFE:1. It's important to have a woman, who helps at home,who cooks from time to time, cleans up and has a job.2. It's important to have a woman, who can make youlaugh.3. It's important to have a woman, who you can trustand who doesn't lie to you.4. It's important to have a woman, who is good in bedand who likes to be with you.5. It's very, very important that these four womendo not know each other.

[davekershaw]

This pair are always good for a laugh.Especially when they're in the States!

[byllsong]

A little old lady was walking down the street dragging two largeplastic garbage bags behind her. One of the bags rips, and every once ina while a $20 bill falls out onto the sidewalk.Noticing this, a policeman stops her, and says, "Ma'am, there are $20bills falling out of your bag.""Oh, really? Darn!" said the little old lady. "I'd better go back, andsee if I can find them. Thanks for telling me.""Well, now, not so fast," says the cop. "How did you get all thatmoney? "You didn't steal it, did you?""Oh, no", said the little old lady. "You see, my back yard is rightnext to the football stadium parking lot. On game days, a lot of fanscome and pee through the fence into my flower garden. So, I standbehind the fence with my hedge clippers. Each time some guy sticks histhing through the fence, I say, '$20 or off it comes'."Well, that seems only fair" laughs the cop. "OK. Good luck! Oh, by theway, what's in the other bag?""Well, you know", "not everybody pays".

[davekershaw]

Mar 17, 2009, 1:34am, byllsong wrote: Oh, by theway, what's in the other bag?""Well, you know", "not everybody pays".

[ibanez468]

SMART-ALECK PARROTOn reaching his plane seat a man is surprised to see a parrot strapped in next to him. He asks the stewardess for a coffee where upon the parrot squawks "And get me a whisky you cow!" The stewardess, flustered, brings back a whisky for the parrot and forgets the coffee. When this omission is pointed out to her the parrot drains its glass and bawls "And get me another whisky you idiot". Quite upset, the girl comes back shaking with another whisky but still no coffee.Unaccustomed to such slackness the man tries the parrot's approach "I've asked you twice for a coffee, go and get it now or I'll kick you".The next moment, both he and the parrot have been wrenched up and thrown out of the emergency exit by two burly stewards. Plunging downwards the parrot turns to him and says "For someone who can't fly, you complain too much!"

[crystallions]

A friend sent this to me today and I couldn't help but chuckle so I thought I'd pass it on...~ Lydia--------This comes from a Catholic elementary school test. The children were asked questions about the old and new testaments. The following statements about the bible were written by the children. They have not been retouched or corrected. If you know the Bible even a little you will enjoy these.Can you imagine yourself being the nun that is sitting at her desk grading these papers all the while trying to keep a straight face and maintain her composure! 1. IN THE FIRST BOOK OF THE BIBLE, GUINESSIS. GOD GOT TIRED OF CREATING THE WORLD SO HE TOOK THE SABBATH OFF.2. ADAM AND EVE WERE CREATED FROM AN APPLE TREE. NOAH'S WIFE WAS JOAN OF ARK. NOAH BUILT AND ARK AND THE ANIMALS CAME ON IN PEARS.3. LOTS WIFE WAS A PILLAR OF SALT DURING THE DAY, BUT A BALL OF FIRE DURING THE NIGHT.4. THE JEWS WERE A PROUD PEOPLE AND THROUGHOUT HISTORY THEY HAD TROUBLE WITH UNSYMPATHETIC GENITALS.5. SAMPSON WAS A STRONGMAN WHO LET HIMSELF BE LED ASTRAY BY A JEZEBEL LIKE DELILAH.6. SAMSON SLAYED THE PHILISTINES WITH THE AXE OF THE APOSTLES.7. MOSES LED THE JEWS TO THE RED SEA WHERE THEY MADE UNLEAVENED BREAD WHICH IS BREAD WITHOUT ANY INGREDIENTS.8. THE EGYPTIANS WERE ALL DROWNED IN THE DESSERT. AFTERWARDS, MOSES WENT UP TO MOUNTCYANIDE TO GET THE TEN COMMANDMENTS9. THE FIRST COMMANDMENTS WAS WHEN EVE TOLD ADAM TO EAT THE APPLE.10. THE SEVENTH COMMANDMENT IS THOU SHALT NOT ADMIT ADULTERY.11. MOSES DIED BEFORE HE EVER REACHED CANADA THEN JOSHUA LED THE HEBREWS IN THE BATTLE OF GERITOL.12. THE GREATEST MIRICLE IN THE BIBLE IS WHEN JOSHUA TOLD HIS SON TO STAND STILL AND HE OBEYED HIM.13. DAVID WAS A HEBREW KING WHO WAS SKILLED AT PLAYING THE LIAR. HE FOUGHT THE FINKELSTEINS, A RACE OF PEOPLE WHO LIVED IN BIBLICAL TIMES.14. SOLOMON, ONE OF DAVIDS SONS, HAD 300 WIVES AND 700 PORCUPINES.15. WHEN MARY HEARD SHE WAS THE MOTHER OF JESUS, SHE SANG THE MAGNA CARTA.16. WHEN THE THREE WISE GUYS FROM THE EAST SIDE ARRIVED THEY FOUND JESUS IN THE MANAGER.17. JESUS WAS BORN BECAUSE MARY HAD AN IMMACULATE CONTRAPTION.18. ST. JOHN THE BLACKSMITH DUMPED WATER ON HIS HEAD.19. JESUS ENUNCIATED THE GOLDEN RULE, WHICH SAYS TO DO UNTO OTHERS BEFORE THEY DO ONE TO YOU. HE ALSO EXPLAINED A MAN DOTH NOT LIVE BY SWEAT ALONE.20. IT WAS A MIRICLE WHEN JESUS ROSE FROM THE DEAD AND MANAGED TO GET THE TOMBSTONE OFF THE ENTRANCE.21. THE PEOPLE WHO FOLLOWED THE LORD WERE CALLED THE 12 DECIBELS.22. THE EPISTELS WERE THE WIVES OF THE APOSTLES.23. ONE OF THE OPPOSSUMS WAS ST. MATTHEW WHO WAS ALSO A TAXIMAN.24 ST. PAUL CAVORTED TO CHRISTIANITY, HE PREACHED HOLY ACRIMONY WHICH IS ANOTHER NAME FOR MARRAIGE.25. CHRISTIANS HAVE ONLY ONE SPOUSE. THIS IS CALLED MONOTONY.

[fusilierb]

Mar 27, 2009, 1:17pm, crystallions wrote:4. THE JEWS WERE A PROUD PEOPLE AND THROUGHOUT HISTORY THEY HAD TROUBLE WITH UNSYMPATHETIC GENITALS.25. CHRISTIANS HAVE ONLY ONE SPOUSE. THIS IS CALLED MONOTONY. These children are obviously brilliant.