Joke of the Minute...

[ernstinen]

Hee Hee!My sister's boyfriend told me he'd never vote for a guy that looked like Lurch, and I said c'mon, Kerry doesn't look like him ----- But now, I, er -------- Naw, I'm not that shallow!!

[bobc]

A trumpet player dies and winds up in heaven. He's told to go to the big band section and when he gets there he's handed the lead book.The rest of the band starts to come into the rehearsal room and the trumpet player is amazed, Buddy Rich on drums, Basie on piano, and a who's who of horn players like Harry James, Glenn Miller, the Dorsey Brothers, and on an on.He says to Woody Herman, who's running the rehearsal, "I just can't believe I'm in the company of all you guys". "Don't get carried away, buddy", says Woody..."It's not all fun here...God's wife is the chick singer". Bob

[bobc]

Quote:Hee Hee!And the rope says "No, I'm a frayed knot."------------------------------------------------------Kick, Rimshot, Choke Cymbal!BaddaBingBaddaBoom Bob

[bobc]

True StoryI was deploying for a six month cruise along with the rest of the members of my Navy band on a destroyer out of Norfolk Va.As we were playing Anchors Aweigh and the ship was leaving the pier, the bandleader's wife was running down the pier and waving frantically. We thought how sweet.She finally managed a great burst of speed and we heard her scream over the final few notes of our farewell song "Bob (the leader's name was also Bob), You have the car keys and the house keys!!" Anchors Aweigh!! Bob

[drew]

Truly great madness cannot be achieved without significant intelligence. -- Henrik TikkanenFor some reason this makes me feel better about myself

[hookstownbrown]

Q: Whaddaya call a publisher who specializes in drinkin' songs?A: A pitcher of beerNYUK NYUK I came up with that one just now...

[hookstownbrown]

Q: Why did the musically-enriched little boy throw his sister's Barbie into a pot of boiling water?A: He wanted to hear a doll simmer...Now that's funny... I don't care who ya are, that's funny...

[drew]

For all you corny joke fans:Homer checked into his dentist's office because of a pain inhis mouth. After a brief look, the dentist exclaimed, "Incredible! That plate I installed in your mouth about six months ago has nearly completely corroded! What have you been eating?" "Well," Gary said after thinking a moment. "The only thingI can think of is that my wife made me some asparagus about four months ago with this stuff on it... hollandaise sauce she called it, and doctor, I'm talking DELICIOUS! I've never tasted anything like it, and ever since then I've been putting it on everything... meat, fish, toast, vegetables, you name it!" "That's probably it," replied the dentist. "Hollandaisesauce is made with lemon juice, which is acidic and highlycorrosive. It seems as though I'll have to install a newplate, but made out of chrome this time." "Why chrome?" Gary asked. "Well, everyone knows that there's no plates like chrome for the Hollandaise!"

[bobc]

Quote:For all you corny joke fans: Yeah Drew...made me laugh Corny jokes and slapstick...just funny stuff.Here's one in keeping with the spirit of the holidays that my dad used to tell when there was still a Soviet Union.A popular Soviet weatherman named Rudolph had predicted rain for the evening, but when he got home, his wife said" Rudolph, I really believe your report tonight just wasn't right...it really looks like snow...it's so cold"The reply was "no...it will warm up tonight. Besides...Rudolph the Red knows rain dear.Bob

[ernstinen]

Stop me if you've heard this one ************************A drummer was between gigs, and thought he'd make a little money by selling firewood. He drives his Yugo over to Sears to check out their chain saws.Finding the hardware section, he sees three chain saws, labeled "Good," Better," and "Best."Looking at the specifications, the drummer notices that the "Good" chain saw is "guaranteed to cut 10 trees a day." The "Better" chain saw is "guaranteed to cut 15 trees a day." But the "Best" chain saw is "guaranteed to cut 20 trees a day."So the drummer decides to go for it, and buys the "Best" chain saw.The next day, he drives his Yugo out into the woods, and starts sawing away. By late afternoon, he has cut down only 4 trees. "Man, I've gotta work harder tomorrow" thinks the drummer.The next morning, he's back at it, working until dark, but only cuts down 6 trees. "What the ---" mutters the drummer.On day three, the drummer is sawing at dawn. He takes no breaks, but by the end of the day has cut down only 9 trees. Fed up, he decides to take his chain saw back to Sears.The following morning, he drives his Yugo over to the maintenence department at Sears. The technician puts the chain saw on his bench. He checks the oil --- OK. He checks the gas --- OK. He checks the chain tension --- OK. Then he sets the choke, and pulls the starting cord.Brrrrrrrrrrroooommm, Broooooooooommmmm!!Startled, the drummer yells "What's that noise?"*************************************Badaboom!Ern