Joke of the Minute...

[drew]

The Louisiana State Police received reports of illegal cockfights being held in the area around Crowley and sent their famous detective, Boudreaux, to investigate.Boudreaux reported to his sergeant the next morning. "Dey is tree main groups in dis cock fightin'" he began."Good work. Who are they?" the sergeant asked.Boudreaux replied confidently, "de Texas Aggies, de Cajuns, and de Mafia."Puzzled, the sergeant asked, "How did you find that out in one night?""Well," he replied, "I went down and done seen dat cock fight in person. I knowed dem Aggies was involved when a duck was entered in the fight."The sergeant nodded, "I'll buy that. But what about the others?"Boudreaux nodded knowingly, "Well, I knowed de Cajuns was involved when summbody bet on de duck.""Ah," sighed the sergeant, "And how did you figure the Mafia was involved?""De duck won." I've been to Crowley many times, some good stories that I won't talk about right now.

[drew]

A guy is shipwrecked onto an island, and arrives unconscious.When he wakes up, he's on a beach. The sand is dark red.He can't believe it. The sky is dark red. He walks around abit and sees there is dark red grass, dark red birds anddark red fruit on the dark red trees. He's shocked when hefinds that his skin is starting to turn dark red too."Oh no!!" he says."I think I've been marooned!"

[hookstownbrown]

The Paper BagA man walks into a bar with a paper bag. He sits down and places the bag on the counter. The bartender walks up and asks what's in the bag.The man reaches into the bag and pulls out a little man, about one foot high and sets him on the counter.He reaches back into the bag and pulls out a small piano, setting it on the counter, as well.He reaches into the bag once again and pulls out a tiny piano bench, which he places in front of the piano.The little man sits down at the piano and starts playing a beautiful piece by Mozart!Where on earth did you get that?" says the bartender.The man responds by reaching into the paper bag. This time he pulls out a magic lamp. He hands it to the bartender and says: "Here. Rub it."So the bartender rubs the lamp, and suddenly there's a gust of smoke and a beautiful genie is standing before him. "I will grant you one wish, just one. Each person is only allowed one!"The bartender gets real excited. Without hesitating he says, "I want a million bucks!"A few moments later, a duck walks into the bar. It is soon followed by another duck, then another. Pretty soon, the entire bar is filled with ducks and they keep coming!The bartender turns to the man and says, "Ya' know, I think your genie's a little deaf. I asked for a million bucks, not a million ducks.""Tell me about it!!" says the man, "Do you really think I asked for a 12 inch pianist?

[drew]

Good one, Hook.Two cockroaches decided to visit their favorite restaurant.While the larger of the two was enjoying his meal, thesmaller one said, "You wouldn't believe the house I justleft. It was spotless. The lady had to be a cleanaholic.Everything was immaculate--the sink, the counter, thefloors. You couldn't find a crumb anywhere."The other cockroach stopped his munching, looked with someannoyance at his companion, and said, "Do you have to talklike that while I'm eating?"

[bobc]

One day the musicians for a rather large recording session were assembling at a studio. Everyone had their headphones on, the session was close to getting underway and the producer of the session came over the talkback system and said "Okay I need to have total silence! Just then the drummer on the session played a big Barumdum Crash! To which the record producer replied, "Okay who did that?"Bob

[johnnydean1]

Quote:One day the musicians for a rather large recording session were assembling at a studio. Everyone had their headphones on, the session was close to getting underway and the producer of the session came over the talkback system and said "Okay I need to have total silence! Just then the drummer on the session played a big Barumdum Crash! To which the record producer replied, "Okay who did that?"Bob J.

[ernstinen]

Good one, Bob! That reminds me of my "teacher" in recording arts school who couldn't find the correct spots for punch-ins. He would be rolling tape back and forth for minutes on end. I'd be thinking to myself "This guy is a recording engineer!? I could do that in my sleep!"Ern

[oneeyewillie]

How to make scottish fruitcake I'm gonna share this auld family recipeSCOTTISH FRUITCAKE RECIPE. You'll need the following: 1 cup of water 1 cup of sugar 4 large brown eggs 2 cups of dried fruit 1 teaspoon of salt 1 cup of brown sugar Lemon juice 1 cup of nuts 1 bottle of whiskey. Sample the whiskey to check for quality. Take a large bowl. Check the whiskey again. To be sure it's the highest quality, pour one level cup and drink. Repeat. Turn on the electric mixer, beat one cup of butter in a large fluffy bowl. Add one teaspoon of sugar and beat again. Make sure the whiskey is still okay. Cry another tup. Turn off the mixer. Beat two leggs and add to the bowl and chuck in the cup of dried fruit. Mix on the tuner. If the fired druit gets stuck in the beaterers, pry it loose with a drewscriver. Sample the whiskey to check for tonsisticity. Next, sift two cups of salt. Or something. Who cares? Check the whiskey. Now sift the lemon juice and strain your nuts. Add one table. Spoon. Of sugar or something. Whatever you can find. Grease the oven. Turn the cake tin to 350 degrees. Don't forget to beat off the turner. Throw the bowl out of the window. Check the whiskey again and go to bed. Who the bloody hell likes fruitcake anyway??

[bobc]

A chimpanzee come into a bar and orders a scotch and water.The bartender whispers to his buddy, "Watch this...I'm gonna have some fun with this". Then says to the chimp.."Okay, one scotch and water...that'll be a hundred bucks.The chimp pays for his drink, swallows it down and starts to leave the bar. The bartender says, "Ya know...we don't see too many chimpanzees around here."The chimp says, "At a hundred bucks a drink...I'm not surprised." Bob

[53mph]

Hope no-ones posted these one yet.Q: What do you call a guitarist with half his brain removed? A bassist.Q: What do you call a guitarist with his whole brain removed? A drummer.Q: What do you say to a working musician? "I'll have a burger and fries please."