Joke of the Minute...

[drew]

How can you tell when a singer is at your door?He can't find the key, and doesn't know when to come in.

[drew]

The symphony orchestra was performing Beethoven's Ninth. In the piece, there's a long passage, about 20 minutes, during which the bass violinists have nothing to do. Rather than sit around that whole time looking stupid, some bassists decided to sneak offstage and go to the tavern next door for a quick one. After slamming several beers in quick succession, one of them looked at his watch and said, "Hey! We need to get back!""No need to panic," said a fellow bassist. "I thought we might need some extra time, so I tied the last few pages of the conductor's score together with string. It'll take him a few minutes to get it untangled."A few moments later they staggered back to the concert hall and took their places in the orchestra. About this time, a member of the audience noticed the conductor seemed a bit edgy and said as much to her companion. "Well, of course," said her companion. "Don't you see? It's the bottom of the Ninth, the score is tied, and the bassists are loaded."-----------------------------------------*A long way to get there, but it was worth it

[stringbuster2]

A fingerstyle guitarist (FG) is walking on the beach when he accidentally kicks a bottle. The cork falls off and out pops a genie. "Thank you Oh Master for releasing me from my prison of the last 300 years" the genie exclaims, profusely grateful to the FG. "And because of your kindness" the genie continues, "I will grant you 3 wishes". "But I must caution you" alerts the genie."And what's that?" asks the FG."Well, you can wish for anything you desire, but whatever you ask for, every electric guitarist (EG) in the world will receive double" explains the genie."Not a problem" says the FG."Very well then, what shall your first wish be, my Master""$10 million in small bills" says the FG unhesitatingly."Good choice, Master" and poof!! right there on the beach are piles and piles of $10s and $20s. And of course every EG in the world now has $20 million in their account."And your next wish, Master?""A brand new Taylor PS12C Presentation Series Guitar and presto! right there on the beach is the most beautifully inlaid and superb sounding acoustic guitar he'd ever seen. And of course every EG now has 2 of these guitar's in their living rooms; knowing of course that they aren't going to know what to do with one, much less two."You've made excellent choices thus far, Master; what is your final wish?" The FG thinks for a minute, rubs his chin a moment, squints at the bright sky and says, "You know, I've always wanted to donate a kidney" ...

[drew]

Good one SB A critic is like a eunich: he knows exactly how it ought to be done ~Unknown

[ernstinen]

Caution: Political Joke! Q: How many Bush Administration officials does it take to screw in a light bulb?A: None. There is nothing wrong with the light bulb; its conditions are improving every day. Any reports of its lack of incandescence are a delusional spin from the liberal media. That light bulb has served honorably, and anything you say undermines the lighting effect. Why do you hate freedom?Ern

[hookstownbrown]

Good one Ern!!!

[hookstownbrown]

Shucks Drew, tain't nothin'...This songwriter can make a room spin all by himself...

[drew]

So, I guess that means it only takes one songwriter to screw in a light bulb.Cool

[hookstownbrown]

OK... Non-pc joke comin' yer wayQ: Why did the Japanese floutist throw his flute out the window?A: He wanted to see his fruit fry... Now that's funny... I don't care who ya are... That's funny...

[drew]

A woman brought a very limp duck in to a veterinary doctor. As she lay her pet on the table, the vet pulled out his stethoscope and listened to the bird's chest. After a moment or two, the vet shook his head sadly and said, "I'm so sorry, Quackers has passed away." The distressed owner wailed, "Are you sure?" "Yes, I am sure. The duck is dead," he replied "How can you be so sure," she protested. "I mean, you haven't done any testing on him or anything. He might just be in a coma or something." The vet rolled his eyes, turned around and left the room, returning a few moments later with a black Labrador Retriever. As the duck's owner looked on in amazement, the dog stood on his hind legs, put his front paws on the examination table and sniffed the duck from top to bottom. He then looked at the vet with sad eyes and shook his head. The vet patted the dog and took it out, and returned a few moments later with a beautiful cat. The cat jumped up on the table and also sniffed delicately at the bird. The cat sat back on its haunches, shook its head, meowed softly and strolled out of the room. The vet looked at the woman and said, "I'm sorry, but as I said, this is most definitely, 100% certifiably, a dead duck." Then the vet turned to his computer terminal, hit a few keys and produced a bill which he handed to the woman. The duck's owner, still in shock, took the bill. "$150!", she cried, $150 just to tell me my duck is dead?!!" The vet shrugged. "I'm sorry. If you'd have taken my word for it, the bill would have been only $20, but with the Lab Report and the Cat Scan, the prices go way up!"