"We're Done" Studio Snippet. What's it need?

[billg]

Cam, I'm listening to this again & I've had a few adult beverages so take that into consideration . . . there needs to be a "bright" instrument filling up some of the space . . . the guitar in the right isn't pulling the weight. Maybe pedal steel is in order . . .Now here goes . . . You could change the lyric to "thinking with the wrong head I guess"It's bold but a lot of people would love it ( a lot of people wouldn't even catch it). I'd be brave, roll the dice & go for it.

[silvercord]

Heya Cam..first of i wanna say "dammmn! nice job!"i noticed that the intro vocals (which are great) seem just a touch too try...i bet the smallest bit o room reverb could get itfeeling a bit more cozy...peacegeoff

[matthoggard]

I can tell your style now Cam. If I had heard this and not KNOWN you had written I wouldve said, "that sounds like a cameron tune"!OK.Too much space between the end of the first verse and first chorus.It needs an electric guitar picking fills and a great lead. (Brad Paisley type thing)Needs it all the way through the chorus's and building throughout. Not a rock sound but a great Nashvill Telecaster lead and fills all the way through.Melody is good, harmonies are great. If you want to pitch it traditional leave it be.. Just dobro etc.Contemporary or Neo Trad. you gotta have an Electric picking away!!Nice song man. It wont be long for you. When you move to Nashville stop by and pick me up!!Its right on the way M~

[rivercitymusic]

Hey, first thread i have not heard the FKN word Bridge in. Makes me happy!lolDoc

[matthoggard]

BridgeBridgeBridgeBridgeBridgeBridgeBridgeBridgeBridgeBridgeBridgeBridgeBridgeBridgeBridgeBridge

[cameron]

Bill, Geoff, Matt. Thanks for the feedback. OK, you guys make me happy. Here's what changes I asked the studio for earlier today:1. Fatten up the lead vocals a bit and make them a tad louder. I especially notice it early in the song, like Geoff said. 2. Make the chorus bigger by bringing background vocals up in the mix and adding instrumentation, i.e. pedal steel (like Bill said)3. Add some fills in the space between the 1st and 2nd verse (like Matt said).Matt, I thought about it needing more Telecaster type guitar, just like you're saying, but I haired out at the last minute and didn't put that on my wish list that I sent off to Jimi.Bill, a friend of mine suggested that "wrong head" line too, but I chickened out on it as well.Good to know we're all thinking alike though.Thanks!!Cam

[deantaylor]

Cam,Good song. The demo is gonna turn out just fine. Already it is good. Will be better after the changes.Dean

[mojobone]

Real good melody and a well-executed demo. Main problem is the weak tagline/hook. If I were the artist, I'd want some lyric tweaks. For example, "should've known in a minute.." makes more sense (at least to me) and isn't any harder to sing. "She didn't believe me when I said we're done" would have a little more rhythmic momentum. (normally, I'm not in favor of cramming in more syllables, but this is a spot that could use a little more "vocal acrobatics". "we were off like a prom dress" is a great line. I too, think "thinkin' with the wrong head" is better, and anything else you could adjust to play up the humor of what's basically a scary stalker situation. I also think maybe you're giving away the story a little too quickly- maybe draw more contrast between how she seemed and what she turned out to be, make it more of a surprise when she starts givin' you the crazy eyes. Another niggle is the situation is ongoing and unresolved. I'm sure this'll have broad appeal, cuz a lot of times good sex gets in the way of good sense; a lot of us have been there.

[cameron]

Mojo,Thanks for the feedback. I really like your suggestions, especially for "I should have known in a minute". That says exactly what I want and it fits. Unfortunately it'll cost me extra $$ at this point to change the vocals, but I'll definitely do it if I find I have to make other changes as well.The song got a really bad review from my SongU coach, who really liked some of my others, so I'm not sure what to make of it at this point. I happen to like it (can't say that of all my tunes) so I guess I'll get a couple more pro reviews to see if I get a consensus.Thanks again, Mojo. Cam

[wignelson]

Good song, Cam, and the demo has a smooth clean line to it that may be a little too clean. The singer is great, but I'd open the barn door and get some noise in there. JMO.BGV's in the chorus will help a lot, but I would also suggest a very slight lyric change.I thought you were singing, "Four things changed." Then I was wondering, OK what were the four things.It's a very simple matter to say the same thing with three syllables and be less ambiguous. Something like, "Way back when.""Way back when . . . we had some fun."