"Lines Want Crossed" into "Wildfire"?

[ottlukk]

Hey JW: here's a thought for your chorus:there's some lines I want to crossdon't really care, how much it costswon't pretend that I know betterlove to hear him say: "come nearer"my pounding heart, wants a line to cross . . .

[jwebbinspired]

Thanks for chorus suggestions. I actually just finished working on a new chorus. And I kind of went in a different direction. I tried to improve the hook primarily. I don't know if I'm there or not. But I'd like to hear everyone's thoughts. My new title is "I'm With Him" right now. Please let me know if this is stronger/weaker, and if you think I'm going in the right direction. As a reminder the original chorus:Lines want crossed,Roots want pulled,Just because I know better,Doesn’t mean I want to tether,My pounding heart, lines want crossed,My new chorus, to same melody:Sure wish I,Could justify,The sweet taste his kiss,And the warm my heart gets,Every time I’m with him,-Andy

[jwebbinspired]

I think I did it. try this on for sizeIs this love,Or a wild fire?I can’t see through the haze,But I feel the warmth from the blaze,Is this love or a wild fire?

[jwebbinspired]

I think "Wildfire" would naturally become the title.

[jwebbinspired]

Here's another link to the original demo for reference. www.andrewscottwills.com/lwc.mp3

[cjdenecia]

I don't remember this first rendition in it's entirety so my ears are a little fresh .... I mean, I recognize it and all but I didn't memorize it ...but there is something here that I remember wasn't here the first time - and that's the near goose bump moment I almost got on the chorus finally .... and that's the key. and to be sure, this is the first time it's come this close on any song I've heard here at the taxi board. any song.and that's the thing isn't it. that moment when you touch that emotional level in the listener where they actually get moved physically by what they hear. you know, the way you feel about a lot of your own songs when they first get recorded and you say "god I'm great" and then you wonder why the rest of the world doesn't hear it? but when they finally do ... that's greatness.you almost made it .. I was pulling for ya ... I felt it coming on ... I did ... fell just a c-hair short but man it's close. for some, it might hit home.I don't know what you did, I don't care ... yeah, I know the words are different and that might have made the difference because of how the melody worked it's way around the lyric ... but bottom line is you've done better.congrats. this might be as good as this one gets. don't forget how and what you've done. repeat and make it more. second props to the lady with the pipes too.good on ya.