Rock Staff Writers Needed!

[ragani]

The link is going nowhere for me too...

[daniel481]

Sorry guys, but it just digitized. Here's the link again just in case:http://www.taximusic.com/song.php?song_ ... tream=true

[ciskokidd]

Hey Dan,That bridge is really kicking now! The survive line is SO MUCH better. I would still like to hear more prosody in the chorus, but hey I understand you're both under a deadline and you might not agree with me there.In any case, I really like the energy of the tune now. Great job man!!Best regards,Cisco

[daniel481]

Thanks Cisco!Yeah, I definitely agreed with you on the bridge, so glad you like it now. I personally like the chorus a lot, and I think it fits right into the genre (I've been A-B'ing it to big hits from the a-la's constantly), so I decided to leave it. I did change the line "a slave you desired" to "this blaze you desired" to keep the chorus more in line with the hook, so hopefully that helped, too.Thanks again! Now I'm almost done with another one...Dan

[brianjonesmusic]

Hey great tune man. Good sound and structure. My only comment is that it might be nice to hear the title of the song somewhere in the lyrics. I agree about it sounding like a Velvet revolver style tune. Great job!

[Casey H]

DanielNice work. It rocks. I like the fact that it gets to the hook so quickly. You will get their attention right away! That gives you a much better shot at a better listen. As you know, a lot of it will ride on whether they think the chorus/hook is KILLER enough. I think it's pretty damn good!! You know this listing is about as competitive as it can get. I really like the track and wish you the best!! I hope Mr. Big smiles at you... Casey

[daniel481]

Thanks guys, I really appreciate it! Glad you like it. And guess what, just finished my next song for the listing! Here it is if you'd like to check it out and let me know what you think:"Failing"http://www.taximusic.com/song.php?song_ ... am=trueAnd here are the lyrics:You never walked you’d always runTryin’ to live for everyoneBut never stopped to realizeHow little left you had to giveYou’d never get yourself no sleepClaimed control but would barely eatIt hurt to laughIt hurt to breatheA heart so fast soon lost its beatIf I'd got in closerWould this still be over?Well I shoulda spoke upShoulda let you knowand I take the blame But you have to knowThat I was on my kneesWhy didn’t you seeThat I was scared for youYou didn’t believeAnd I shoulda been bluntI tried so hardJust never thought you’d fall so farBut you loved the rushYou craved the needThe demons ate you up And made you bleedYou thought they’d always let you flyBut you fell with failing wingsI never saw you fail to showThen you started missing, I should’ve known A little girl once full of lifeWas losing in an endless fightSo sad to see you lose your heartOnce bursting up, so filled with loveConvinced myself you’d have to changeWhy didn’t I stand up, face to faceI never got in closerAnd now it's overOne more to go! Thanks again guys.Dan

[ciskokidd]

Hey Dan!That's another really good song. Interestingly, I seem to like this chorus more than "Burn It To The Ground" from a prosody and melodic perspective. I'll mention some things that sort of bug me as a lyricist, but they are not really big things so take it all with a grain of salt. I'm just a little bit bugged by the way your rhyme scheme doesn't conform in the verses. It takes a little away subtly, but that may be compensated by the strong chorus.I would definitely title the song "Failing Wings". It seems to want to be that, and also jumps out at you if you see it on a CD. I would be interested by that title to see what was there.From a production side, I would strongly consider emphasizing the great phrasing in the chorus at the melodic parts that match up with these lyrics:" That I was on my kneesWhy didn’t you seeThat I was scared for youYou didn’t believe"Either you could do a harmony part there or emphasize it with the rhythm section - like have the bass line double the rhythm of the cadence.In any case, I don't have much more to say on this one. It's solid and definitely well within the range of what you need. Great job man. You are looking really good for this listing now.Best,Cisco

[daniel481]

Thanks Cisco, I'm really glad you like it! I'll have to see if I have time to make any corrections based on what you said, but it's a relief to know that they seem to be minor. I'll definitely take them into consideration though. And...I have a third song ready to post! Check it out if you'd like, and I'm trying to figure out what a better title is, either "Not Lost" or "Crashing Down".http://www.taximusic.com/song.php?song_ ... anks!DanOh, and here are the lyrics:I always knew this day would comeThe day when all’s been said and doneBut disbelief still smothers meMy body shivers, I gasp to breatheWhy am I fading out, I’d just begunI’m being torn away without goodbyeBut I leave these words to help you tryTo make it through this lifeThe world I know is falling downI’m losing everythingI cannot be there by your sideBut as it all comes crashing downI feel you here with meAnd I’ll be with you all the timei’ll carry you from deep insideI’m not lost cause your aliveThe shocking pain will soon be goneBut you made my world so filled with loveYou gave me more than I’d ever needAnd every minute made it worth this griefI never thought I’d lose this far from homeI have to leave without goodbyeBut with you I know I’ll never dieYou’ll take me through your lifeDon’t worry You have to trust that I’m alrightAnd don’t be angryIt’s not your fault and it’s not mineNothing ends it just beginsMy life it starts in you again

[daniel481]

Oh, and btw, I did change the title to "Failing Wings". You're right, it's better