Ala Green Day, quick critique anyone?!? :)

[daniel481]

Here's the listing, just came in yesterday on dispatch and it's due tomorrow. 24 dispatch challenge madness!The Music Supervisor of an internet trailer campaign for an indie film needs a MODERN/ALTERNATIVE SONG a la GREEN DAY'S "BOULEVARD OF BROKEN DREAMS." He needs a song similar in vibe, tempo, and lyrical content. Male vocals preferred, but he's open to the right female vox as well. While the Green Day tune is the song being replaced for this spot, he'd actually like something a bit hipper and indie - think, more Modest Mouse or the Shins or the Arctic Monkeys. They're offering $6000-$7500 for this cue. Broadcast quality needed [excellent-sounding home recordings are OK]. Please submit one to three songs online or per CD, include lyrics. All submissions will be screened on a YES/NO BASIS ONLY - NO CRITIQUES FROM TAXI. For ground submissions, please enclose a S.A.S.E. if you would like a response. As always, we will notify everyone via e-mail, whether your submissions have been Forwarded or Returned. Submissions must be received no later than 2:00pm, Pacific Standard Time (California time), Friday, Nov. 16, 2007. TAXI # D071116ARCame up with this little piece as quick as I could and I'd really like to see what you guys think before I turn it in!"Today's Catastrophe"http://www.taximusic.com/song.php?song_ ... ream=trueI follow footsteps from the pastAll the ones that didn't lastIt seems to me they never had a chanceAnd failures voice It follows meTells me things I'll never beTo count on loss and live on hopeless dreamsForgotten memoriesToday's catastropheWe're losing as we speakThis town is testing meI can't take this awful silenceNobody's hereTo hear my broken thoughtsAnd I can't giveWhat I no longer haveI lost it allOn this city's lonely streetsAlone and lost it's always meThe pavement's friend and companyThe shattered glassIt listens as I speakI'm walking all the timeSoon forgotten, I'll be alrightLeft behind hereWith my mind hereAll my time hereIs a lossEveryday hereNot afraid herei'll remain hereTo live and be forgotThank you thank you!Dan

[geo]

Hey Dan, just threw this together huh? Nice tune, good guitar work.I wonder if it will pass the "hipper - indie" phrase. No reflection on the tune and to be honest I'm not too familar with the other alas and I hate the NO CRITIQUE subs.Definately give it a shot... Geo

[daniel481]

Yeah, I'm not sure...I tried to get some elements of The Shins in there with the falsetto, and maybe a little modest mouse as well. Arctic Monkey's stuff usually seems quicker, so I wasn't sure what to do with that...I'll give it a shot though! Glad you liked it.Dan

[matto]

Hey Dan,I really like the song, well written, catchy, cool sound to it. I know the GD song pretty well, but I'm not intimately familiar with Modest Mouse, Arctic Monkeys etc although I do know some of their songs. All in all it strikes me as well on target. The vocal quality really nails the sound of the style IMHO.It's perhaps a bit on the slow side for this application, but that's just a guess (I know the Green Day songs is slow-ish, but this seems to have a heavier feel).EDIT: Just compared it against GD and the "heaviness" is mostly due to the overly loud and heavy kick, lack of bass in the mix and kind of "stiff" snare (see below) so if you fic those issues you should be good to go.Mix wise, I thought the kick was significantly too loud and big, and I could barely hear any bass at all. I would've liked to see a bit more variarion on the snare, the backbeats seemed to be the identical sample...depending on what you're using you might be locked into that, in which case you might be able to put in a few more ghost notes in the first verse to give it a bit more life.Loved the guitar lines on the bridge, dead on . Personally I would've had a fill into the last chorus after the bridge, but that's a matter of taste.Last mix issue, I think the vocal could've used a little more space of it's own, perhaps by panning the distorted guitars out more. It's mostly on the bridge and to a lesser degree on the choruses, where the guitars step on the vocal pretty heavily.But check this against the ala bands, maybe that's the way they do things...I really do like this song, you should be able to find a home for it even if this ends up not being it.Impressive work for such a short notice deal...HTH,best of luck!!matto

[daniel481]

Thanks Matt! Really appreciate you taking the time to check it out, and I'm glad you like it. As far as the mix issues, I did try to match it as closely as possible to the Green Day tune, and one of the hallmarks of that entire album is really loud guitars and somewhat softer vocals. It's true that the kick might be a bit loud, but it's mixed within the loops I'm using, so I tried to lower it a bit with EQ, but other than that there's not too much I can do. The library has been getting great reviews though, and kick drums do have a tendency to be really loud in that genre, so hopefully it's within the range of acceptable. The simplicity of the drums is also a hallmark of the Green Day song that I tried to stay true to...again, it's totally a taste thing, but I can see where you're coming from. Just trying to hit those alas as close as possible! I will raise the bass a bit, though.So, thank you again, and I'm glad you think it will find a home. I'll be submitting it to other libraries, but that $6000-7500 definitely wouldn't hurt right now... Have a good night !Dan

[sgs4u]

Quote: I'll be submitting it to other libraries, but that $6000-7500 definitely wouldn't hurt right now... Have a good night !DanI wonder if this is why the forums seems just a littel quieter today! 1+ 1/2 hrs to the deadline. Good luck everyone!

[daniel481]

Thanks! Btw Matt, checked it again this morning with a "clear" head, and realized that the reason the bass seemed quiet is because....there wasn't any bass in the mix. Somehow left it muted...nice! So, I made some corrections based on what you said. Like I mentioned, I can't really get the kick down any more without affecting the sound of the whole kit, but I definitely found some other samples in that genre with very loud and present kick like on this (IE Unwritten Law's "Here's to the Mourning). So, I hope it's acceptable. I think the bass definitely ties it all together a lot better though (who would have thought? ) Anyway, the new mix is posted up.Just curious, anyone else going for this listing?

[twilsbach]

Quote:Just curious, anyone else going for this listing?yep. frantically wrote, recorded and submitted "I Walk Alone" just BARELY in time.Would love any feedback anyone has since I'll revisit this track in a few weeks and make it better.I don't actually expect a forward on this, lots of things I just plain ran out of time to get to...and the excuses could go on http://www.taximusic.com/song.php?song_ ... ream=trueI Walk AloneThe safety number now is oneBut its a lonely roadKeep marching left, right leftthe truth pointed me hereEmptiness Envelops meswallows every soundstill hotels line this heartbreak streetreminds me I'm aloneI walk aloneI imagine, I'm not the only one, not the only oneSweet sadness to always be alone, to always be aloneSometimes I, hope anybody finds me hereBut I walk aloneSo many days the darnkess winsThe sun refuses to find my faceto warm my troubled skinthe truth marches me onBalance the frailty of hard linesall black and white no grayA taste of color teases meReminds me I'm aliveI walk aloneI imagine, I'm not the only one, not the only oneSweet sadness to always be alone, to always be aloneSometimes I, hope anybody finds me hereBut I walk aloneEmptiness Envelops meswallows every soundstill hotels line this heartbreak streetreminds me I'm aloneI walk aloneI imagine, I'm not the only one, not the only oneSweet sadness to always be alone, to always be aloneSometimes I, hope anybody finds me hereBut I walk alone

[bigdrisk]

Quote:frantically wrote, recorded and submitted "I Walk Alone" just BARELY in time.Would love any feedback anyone has since I'll revisit this track in a few weeks and make it better.I don't actually expect a forward on this, lots of things I just plain ran out of time to get to...and the excuses could go on Well, you know a trick some of us have learned . . . you can keep updating your song file until they actually listen to it. That might be Monday, so you'd have all weekend. Haven't listened to your tune yet, but just wanted to throw that in.

[twilsbach]

Quote:Well, you know a trick some of us have learned . . . you can keep updating your song file until they actually listen to it. That might be Monday, so you'd have all weekend. That is a fantastic tip!!! Keep on tweakin' baby.Michael, thanks for the tips. I've got a long way to go, especially in the engineer/mixer dept.