WIP - 'No Enemy' Update - NEW Words -you guys are top!

[Len911]

Len, Im sure I saw a post here from you ragging me about the out of key mouth organ , liked it, it was funny!
Rob, that wasn't me,lol, I just thought you should have made the harmonica part louder, I thought you were the one who said that it was out of key on the ending!

I really like the new transformation, I liked the new ending as well! Keep them coming!

[sedge]

yer Len! I saw it ! haha

But yep is the wrong Key. but oddly works!?
Some new to try there to come though yet!

Thanks Paul and Len, stoked you like this new arrangement.
Paul, thanks man, deffo will meet a Rally some day if I save for the trip!!

"Pretend to cope! -brill you picked that out, I laughed writing that line, Im sure we all do that time to time !

Beers on me to all who gave input here!

This song was trying alot of new approaches to the recording and think I have a good model now too.

Brilliant, think this might be closed!

Many Thanks,
Rob

[deantaylor]

Hey Rob,

Kudos to you for going for the lyric re-write and finding out that it can sometimes be fun to do that.

I liked the song before, like it better now. The new outro is kooool!

Like your style.

Dean

[AndrewCavanagh]

The lyrics are an improvement.

You may make the whole song more coherent simply by using the same
lyrical hook "I am my own enemy" repeatedly and making sure the lyrics
lead into that.

eg.

Hey future, what's the tale to be?
Hello past, how's the history, the memories?
I am my own enemy


But make rewrites of the lyrics so they make sense in that context.

It would be an interesting exercise to see what you come up with anyway.

Andrew

[sedge]

@Dean, thanks for having a look again! yes, had a good wrestle with myself ha : )

@ Andrew thanks again too , I'm feeling you!

umm different song that maybe .. The whole song has lost the 'enemy' context, now called 'Heading Home'.

Hear what your saying though.

I've been a stickler earlier but digging my heals in now! .. maybe (doubt doubt)

With a blank view though (away from the 'my own enemy' concept as a theme ), is this is all coherent .. should be/hoping so !? ...

"Heading Home"

Hey future, what's the tale to be?
Hello past, how's the history, the memories?
what was my energy?

Had it good and I've had it bad
Done some things that have sent me mad
now I'm moving on, new time and good energy

I won't pretend to cope, or hate or misshape
I don't know what got into me.
Hands up I'm lost, so taking some time
Heading home, heading back to me

Was working on overtime,
Got a diary but tore out all the summertime
I am my own enemy

I won't pretend to cope, or hate or misshape
I don't know what got into me.
Hands up I'm lost, so taking some time
Heading home, heading back to me

Heading home, heading home, heading home, heading back

Bin a long time since I saw the shine, it all went west at the perfect time.
Now I see what is right for me I'm heading home with sympathy.
At the bottom of the barrel is an old trap door,
climb inside, I've been before
Home is there, it never leaves, I'm packed like a snail with a heart on my sleeve
I won't forget, its just to let,
not building dreams on sand no more
Were travellers and made to be ending eras, living free
I heard it once , heard it before,
the time is now, show me the door and hope you liked the show

[AndrewCavanagh]

Just ask yourself if you sat down across the table from someone who didn't know you and just said these lyrics as if you were speaking to them would they make sense?

Would they understand what you were saying?


I like the heading home theme. You should keep in mind that really great lyrics usually require many, many rewrites.

Those simple, evocative, clear lyrics can take a lot of work.

Great writing is about rewriting.


On the topic of heading home what does heading home mean to you?

Do you have special memories of home?

Is there someone waiting for you at home?

Is there a funeral you have to go to?

Is there a wedding?

Where is home?

Is it a place that doesn't exist for you at all but you wish it did?

What sights, sounds, feelings, tactile memories, images, words come into your mind when you think of home?

Is there a mother's love, a father's guidance, the love of a spouse, brothers and sisters?

They're all things that might be in the song.

What you really want is for the verses to progress naturally where you introduce the idea of heading home then come to the conclusion you're going (or where the lyrics progress in some other way).

[sedge]

Thanks again Andrew, take that as a no then? : )

Just ask yourself if you sat down across the table from someone who didn't know you and just said these lyrics as if you were speaking to them would they make sense?

That exactly what Is Peer2Peer, and the guy accross the table (you) said no ( i think)

If so,
Must admit, I am surprised these words make no sense to you, but I do appreciate and like the challenge too!

I personally wouldn't define 'home' as you suggest.

How about, if you are up for it, you throw us up a song you wrote (or link?) and I can get a jist of where your coming from??
Hate it when I can't get what you can't see here.
Good idea to put it in another thread in the lyrics section and we can debate away freely in there.
be interesting to see where you think I am going wrong, if you can and would like to of course, be fun!

Many Thanks,
Rob

[eeoo]

Hey Rob - Wow, you've been working hard on this one! The recording is sounding great, digging the tones. Personal pref here but the harmonica sounded slightly shrill, maybe a low pass filter and to give it a little lushness a touch of delay? It's great your re-working it but don't lose yourself, your voice, while trying to incorporate all this advice. Good stuff Rob!

eo

[sedge]

Thanks for the check in and the push Ethan! Yer new Harmonica, or if keeping ill have a closer eq look! Thanks for that!!

[sedge]

What you really want is for the verses to progress naturally where you introduce the idea of heading home then come to the conclusion you're going (or where the lyrics progress in some other way).

Think the penny has dropped, you looking at the words from the context of say advertising, like the song is about home, a physical place ? that would make sense why you would suggest that