Tell me if I am wrong, but this song sucks

[perrysmith]

Maybe, but I think a lot of us talk to dead guys...they just don't usually visit us or talk back, no? Keep the ideas coming. I expect you to be as critical as I am when it comes to my suggestions. We have to have an "I cannot be offended...just tell it like it is" attitiude when cowriting. So fire away! Just want a good song to come out of it.

[perrysmith]

You have to appreciate the irony of the title of this thread and what we are doing now, though, eh?

[matthoggard]

OH yeah.Im not offended at all. I usually brainstorm a couple hundred ideas to get to a good one.I would like to see a basic outline of the song to this point. Makes it easier to stay focused and "write to the hook".

[perrysmith]

Here's sort of an outline of where I think we are:(Verse) I'm sleeping in our bed againI used to cry but now I smile whenI think of how you used to hold me tight[need three lines more with similar meter--first two lines will rhyme and third will rhyme with third line of first half of verse--would like to have this half of the verse allow a clearer picture of their relationship before he was gone--does she see something in the room and think back???](Pre-Chorus/Lift) [Subject to change based on how it works with second half of the first verse]I’m fighting through not having youAnd it’s the biggest fight of my life, but(Chorus)It's the end of the tunnel I can see the lightLike a fading flower turning back toward the skyLike a fighter down getting up on the count of nineI will survive thisI've got my second windAnd I'm feeling like me again[Second verse possibly about how she has tried to take up the role of father to their boy "Jimmy?", and although she can't replace him, she feels like they are doing better.]Repeat chorus[Bridge about how she'll never replace their love but she will go on and live because he wanted her to and she needs to for Jimmy or something to that effect]Chorus out

[claire]

Perry, I'm flattered but I didn't intend to be counted as a cowriter. Critiques don't count towards cowriting credits Then again, if it turns into a monster hit, I'll remember your post here...Was it Diamond Rio that did "I Believe" (about talking to ghosts)? And Ms. Rimes is still talking to her dead husband. It's cool to speak with the dead.Maybe she could be seeing the resemblances in her child (one child, no dog) - how in a certain light, when the light falls across the boy's face, he looks just like his dad and that gives her a sense of connection. The dimple in his chin thing. Or maybe she's learning how to do things the way he used to - making coffee or mowing the lawn or she catches herself surfing tv or she's started watching "Cops" the way he used to. Find as many visuals as you can, list them all, start weeding out the ones that don't speak to you. Unhinge your brains and just let words come out without worrying if they're too poetic or not.Have fun!Claire

[ontariolightning]

this is for women at 7am...I think nashville wants fun uptemo songs...starting your day listening to a song about death would be a downer, wait I could be wrong since I'm not in "Nashville" or this no longer about writing for the volvo driving soccer mom at 7am?

[perrysmith]

Jun 18, 2009, 12:40pm, ontariolightning wrote:this is for women at 7am...I think nashville wants fun uptemo songs...starting your day listening to a song about death would be a downer, wait I could be wrong since I'm not in "Nashville" or this no longer about writing for the volvo driving soccer mom at 7am?Although I certainly think you have some expertise in what a "downer" is ...this song is about getting better. But we are just writing a song, here, and we'll see where it goes. Thanks for your input, though.

[ontariolightning]

An example of a fun girl power song would be Martina Mcbride - This one's for the girls

[perrysmith]

Indeed.

[ontariolightning]

Jun 18, 2009, 12:49pm, perrysmith wrote:Indeed.Say it ain't sooooooooooooooYour drug is a heart breakerSay it ain't sooooooooooooooooMy love is a life taker