"Telephone Call from Tuscany"

[ginstl]

Chits how about in the 2nd verse instead of: "you're all around" what about: "you're always still around". Greg.

[jchitty]

Thanks, Case. One thing about this song, those lines of mine in the chorus do actually work pretty well with the melody....of course, since you can't hear the melody, it's hard for you guys to tell. But it does sing well with the melody as you've pointed out.I'm taking in all the suggestions though.....I probably could fit Greg's 'you're always still around" into the melody line....thanks. Paults had me chuckling....I think his suggestion is very good, but like "IL Duomo," a few country fans might not know that Florence equals 'Firenze.' But then again, "Tuscany" might not be familiar either. I'm probably just gonna scrap this song for now though unless I find a more ecclectic market for it. It's just one of those crazy hybrids that would have a hard time finding a base.Anyway, thanks once again!

[Casey H]

I think you should modernize it... Make it "An Email From Elmira" or a "A Voice Mail From Victoria" or "A Text Message From Tennesee"... cAsEy

[jchitty]

Quote:Definitely an arguable point. Historically, country songs tend to not stray past Mexico. Maybe a couple made it as far as the Carribean. However, I'm certain that there are people that find comfort in pictures of far away places they've never been, even if on a calendar hanging in the barn where they are milking the cows at 4am. Heck, some might even find comfort in pictures painted by the written word of these places. You paint a pretty picture in your verses with the exception of the 1st. Then again, the 1st verse isn't the place to paint the pictures that form the story, it's the place to make people buy the calendar. It's the big cover that forces them to turn the pages. That's why I think it needs solid definition. Regardless, you ain't gonna pull it off in the country arena without a strong intro into a strong chorus. That's where "The world is too big without you by my side" fits. Just because country music purchasers haven't been exposed to visions of fantastic places in this world doesn't mean they don't want to go. Take us there. Personally, I don't eat that crap they call salsa bottled up in a jar you buy in the store, I don't care where it's from. I make my own. Got the recipe from a friend in Italy, and added the kick. You got a song here, it just isn't finished. Paint the thing.This is a good point. While there is an element of the country music fan base who wouldn't get this song, country music lovers come in all shapes and sizes really. There are lots of country music lovers who live in cities and that have traveled the world, so they might identify with the song. And there are country music fans who are curious about the world even though they've never traveled it.I think you're right about painting a picture, good thoughts there, LOPC....it just depends on how much I want to work with this song...I have a lot of other songs....this was one I was thinking about demoing, but I have other stuff that might be better and that I wouldn't have to worry over so much. I just think this song might have too narrow of an appeal.

[jchitty]

Quote:I think you should modernize it... Make it "An Email From Elmira" or a "A Voice Mail From Victoria" or "A Text Message From Tennesee"... cAsEyLOL, I like Text Message from Tennessee!

[Casey H]

[This post has been edited- CH]Hi ChitsOn a serious note, these lyrics (while excellent) are IMHO not universal enough for the country market. A lot of it reminds me of something Joni Mitchell would have written in the late 60's/early 70's... e.g. "Ladies of the Canyon"... That's a compliment... This is Joni all the way:Italy's great in summerThe poppies are in bloomThe olives are ready for pressing And the grapes are a purple hueOh, I'm headed off to FlorenceI'll take a picture of IL DuomoI wish that you could see what I seeThere back homeI do not think you should scrap this at all. I just think you should give some thought to the target market for it... A Joni replacement track, a pop song, etc... ?Always a pleasure to read your lyrics, Casey

[jchitty]

Quote:Hi ChitsOn a serious note, these lyrics (while excellent) are too intellectual (correct word?) for the country market. A lot of it reminds me of something Joni Mitchell would have written in the late 60's/early 70's... e.g. "Ladies of the Canyon"... That's a compliment... This is Joni all the way:Italy's great in summerThe poppies are in bloomThe olives are ready for pressing And the grapes are a purple hueOh, I'm headed off to FlorenceI'll take a picture of IL DuomoI wish that you could see what I seeThere back homeI do not think you should scrap this at all. I just think you should give some thought to the target market for it... A Joni replacement track, a pop song, etc... ?Always a pleasure to read your lyrics, CaseyThanks for the compliments on my lyrics, Case....you know how much I love Joni. You have a good point there.....this song doesn't have to be country....it's folksy enough that it could cross over to a folk or pop listing. My husband was listening to the melody last night as well, and he said, 'you know, that melody doesn't sound country at all', so maybe I should concentrate my efforts elsewhere. I could change the 'Bama is my home' line to something else, or just leave it in there.I do like LOPC's suggestions for making the first verse a little more vivid...that is something I'll have to work on down the line. I like his chorus suggestion too, although my chorus fits better with my melody.

[paults]

"a few country fans might not know that Florence equals 'Firenze."You're right- they would just think the girl's name was Florence

[jchitty]

Quote:"a few country fans might not know that Florence equals 'Firenze."You're right- they would just think HER name was Florence Haha!

[ginstl]

My thought is that the big shots in Nashville would'nt like it because it's outside the box in terms of the basic product they're putting out. I'm sure that just about every country fan knows where italy is.Greg.