"Telephone Call from Tuscany"

[hitwriter69]

-- On a serious note, these lyrics (while excellent) are too intellectual (correct word?) for the country market. -- That is one of the most bigoted or ignorant or both, statements I have read on this board. Unbelievable. The following song by friend Dave Logins would have never been cut had that statement been true. (Nor would Whoever's In New England by, Powers, Quentin, Franceschi, Kendal). Please Come to Boston By Reba Mcentire(dave loggins)He said please come to bostonFor the springtimeI'm stayin' here with some friendsAnd they've got lots of roomYou can sell your paintings on the sidewalkBy a cafe where I hope to be workin' soonPlease come to bostonI said no, boy would you come home to meChorus:(and) I said, ramblin' boyWhy don't you settle down(boston, denver, l.a.) ain't your kind of townThere ain't no goldAnd there ain't nobody like meI'm the number one fanOf the man from tennesseeHe said, please come to denverWith the snowfallWe'll move up into the mountainsSo far we can't be foundAnd throw I love you echosDown the canyonsAnd then lie awake at nightUntil they come back aroundPlease come to denverI just said no boy won't you come home to meRepeat chorus:Now that drifter's wordGoes round and roundAnd I doubt if it's ever gonna stopBut of all the dreamsHe's lost or foundAnd all that I ain't gotHe's still needs to lean toSomebody he can sing toHe said please come to l.a.To live foreverA california life aloneIs just too hard to buildI live in a house thatLooks out over the oceanAnd there's some starsThat fell from the skyLivin' up on the hillPlease come to l.a.I just said noBoy, won't you come home to meRepeat chorusI'm the number one fanOf the man from tennesseeTennesseeMiss Chits, the chorus change suggestion was right on. You have a nice start for a lyric concept. It's quite plausible for a country kind of woman to travel to Italy and once there, find she misses her man. As someone mentioned continue to polish and paint the story. Don't let bigotry or ill informed criticism put a wet blanket on your creativity.

[jchitty]

Man, I know when I get a critique from Hitsongwriter, that's sumthin'. Thank you, you thank you! You sort of injected new life into this one.....I agree with you and LOPC, the chorus change is a good one, and there does need to be more development in the first verse.I'll keep pushin' the pen on this one. Hey, another ecclectic mix Reba sings...."When whoever in New England's through with you..."

[Casey H]

Quote: -- On a serious note, these lyrics (while excellent) are too intellectual (correct word?) for the country market. -- That is one of the most bigoted or ignorant or both, statements I have read on this board. Unbelievable. The following song by friend Dave Logins would have never been cut had that statement been true. (Nor would Whoever's In New England by, Powers, Quentin, Franceschi, Kendal). Please Come to Boston By Reba Mcentire(dave loggins)He said please come to bostonFor the springtimeI'm stayin' here with some friendsAnd they've got lots of roomYou can sell your paintings on the sidewalkBy a cafe where I hope to be workin' soonPlease come to bostonI said no, boy would you come home to meChorus:(and) I said, ramblin' boyWhy don't you settle down(boston, denver, l.a.) ain't your kind of townThere ain't no goldAnd there ain't nobody like meI'm the number one fanOf the man from tennesseeHe said, please come to denverWith the snowfallWe'll move up into the mountainsSo far we can't be foundAnd throw I love you echosDown the canyonsAnd then lie awake at nightUntil they come back aroundPlease come to denverI just said no boy won't you come home to meRepeat chorus:Now that drifter's wordGoes round and roundAnd I doubt if it's ever gonna stopBut of all the dreamsHe's lost or foundAnd all that I ain't gotHe's still needs to lean toSomebody he can sing toHe said please come to l.a.To live foreverA california life aloneIs just too hard to buildI live in a house thatLooks out over the oceanAnd there's some starsThat fell from the skyLivin' up on the hillPlease come to l.a.I just said noBoy, won't you come home to meRepeat chorusI'm the number one fanOf the man from tennesseeTennesseeMiss Chits, the chorus change suggestion was right on. You have a nice start for a lyric concept. It's quite plausible for a country kind of woman to travel to Italy and once there, find she misses her man. As someone mentioned continue to polish and paint the story. Don't let bigotry or ill informed criticism put a wet blanket on your creativity. It was not bigoted at all and I'm not ignorant (at least I don't have any reason to believe so). When I used the word "intellectual" I noted that it might not be the right word. I was talking about the market and the type of lyrics that work, not the intelligence of the people listening. Simpler lyrics work better in that market, plain and simple. It's what people buy, like it or not.Your example actually proves my point. All the references in the song you posted are to commonly known (to U.S. folk) geographic locations- Boston, Denver, California, etc. Chits song references Tuscany and IL Duomo. Clearly different. And that is a very old song covered by a known artist.If anyone here thinks those lyrics would fly in today's country market, please let me know. And BTW, Chits and I are very good friends who talk off-line often... So why, in a million years would I say something bigoted publicly to a friend who is into country music?Casey

[ckbarlow]

I think lopc's suggestions are powerful and you can take them further.I wouldn't give up on country. Also, I'd stick with "Tuscany" - it has wonderfully crisp consonants and ends with a very singable vowel. Seems like there are plenty of current country tunes that really pack the syllables in, and I don't think you even need to, depending on the melody and phrasing. The first verse direction that lopc suggested -- I could see something like "this (traveling, seeing Italy, what have you) is something that I've always wanted to do, so I did it, but now I'm feeling like what I've always wanted might be right back at home." As written, the "you're all around" could be interpreted as breakup blues rather than that kind of epiphany you can get when far from home, where everything suddenly comes into perspective and you say, "Oh my gosh... I love that guy!" (or, I should quit my job, or I need to make amends with my dad before he dies, or whatever it happens to be)

[jchitty]

Quote:Quote: -- On a serious note, these lyrics (while excellent) are too intellectual (correct word?) for the country market. -- That is one of the most bigoted or ignorant or both, statements I have read on this board. Unbelievable. The following song by friend Dave Logins would have never been cut had that statement been true. (Nor would Whoever's In New England by, Powers, Quentin, Franceschi, Kendal). Please Come to Boston By Reba Mcentire(dave loggins)He said please come to bostonFor the springtimeI'm stayin' here with some friendsAnd they've got lots of roomYou can sell your paintings on the sidewalkBy a cafe where I hope to be workin' soonPlease come to bostonI said no, boy would you come home to meChorus:(and) I said, ramblin' boyWhy don't you settle down(boston, denver, l.a.) ain't your kind of townThere ain't no goldAnd there ain't nobody like meI'm the number one fanOf the man from tennesseeHe said, please come to denverWith the snowfallWe'll move up into the mountainsSo far we can't be foundAnd throw I love you echosDown the canyonsAnd then lie awake at nightUntil they come back aroundPlease come to denverI just said no boy won't you come home to meRepeat chorus:Now that drifter's wordGoes round and roundAnd I doubt if it's ever gonna stopBut of all the dreamsHe's lost or foundAnd all that I ain't gotHe's still needs to lean toSomebody he can sing toHe said please come to l.a.To live foreverA california life aloneIs just too hard to buildI live in a house thatLooks out over the oceanAnd there's some starsThat fell from the skyLivin' up on the hillPlease come to l.a.I just said noBoy, won't you come home to meRepeat chorusI'm the number one fanOf the man from tennesseeTennesseeMiss Chits, the chorus change suggestion was right on. You have a nice start for a lyric concept. It's quite plausible for a country kind of woman to travel to Italy and once there, find she misses her man. As someone mentioned continue to polish and paint the story. Don't let bigotry or ill informed criticism put a wet blanket on your creativity. It was not bigoted at all and I'm not ignorant (at least I don't have any reason to believe so). When I used the word "intellectual" I noted that it might not be the right word. I was talking about the market and the type of lyrics that work, not the intelligence of the people listening. Simpler lyrics work better in that market, plain and simple. It's what people buy, like it or not.Your example actually proves my point. All the references in the song you posted are to commonly known (to U.S. folk) geographic locations- Boston, Denver, California, etc. Chits song references Tuscany and IL Duomo. Clearly different. And that is a very old song covered by a known artist.If anyone here thinks those lyrics would fly in today's country market, please let me know. And BTW, Chits and I are very good friends who talk off-line often... So why, in a million years would I say something bigoted publicly to a friend who writes excellent country music?CaseyWe are very good friends, Casey. I respect both of you guy's opinions....you and hitsongwriter's. Everyone has a different suggestion to make the song better, and I'm just taking them all in while also trying to walk a balance 'tween that North and South 'thang.' I do notice the screeners are 'passing' on some of my country songs saying they are too 'unique' for the country listings...they want 'conversational' lyrics, whatever that means. I recently got a non-foward on one of my country songs, "Wreck of Words" because it was considered a better listing for the alternative singer/songwriter listings.Squids and I had a convo this morning about which direction I should go in....I still want to write country because I love country music, but maybe I just don't fit the mold, who knows? Maybe I should pitch more to the alt-country listings, but there are not many of those.

[jchitty]

Quote:I think lopc's suggestions are powerful and you can take them further.I wouldn't give up on country. Also, I'd stick with "Tuscany" - it has wonderfully crisp consonants and ends with a very singable vowel. Seems like there are plenty of current country tunes that really pack the syllables in, and I don't think you even need to, depending on the melody and phrasing. The first verse direction that lopc suggested -- I could see something like "this (traveling, seeing Italy, what have you) is something that I've always wanted to do, so I did it, but now I'm feeling like what I've always wanted might be right back at home." As written, the "you're all around" could be interpreted as breakup blues rather than that kind of epiphany you can get when far from home, where everything suddenly comes into perspective and you say, "Oh my gosh... I love that guy!" (or, I should quit my job, or I need to make amends with my dad before he dies, or whatever it happens to be)I totally agree about lopc's chorus change, CK. Here's one thing I didn't point out though....the words to my chorus actually sound really good with the melody. (I wrote )And also, as banal as they might seem in the first verse, everything does sound very crisp when you hear the words with the melody. So even though lopc's word changes are better, I'd have to fit all that together somehow to make it work. And you're right...singing 'Tuscany' at the end of those lines really sounds cool! (well, at least to my crazy ears, hehe)

[Casey H]

ChitsEveryone voicing their opinions on music and/or lyrics and having different opinions is what it's all about. Of course, you respect all opinions. Calling me ignorant and a bigot is extremely offensive. I do not take that lightly. I apologize if anyone found my choice of the word "intellectual" offensive. Those who know me well understood my point and where I was coming from. Casey

[hitwriter69]

Casey, your words were very offensive. We suspect you don't write many country lyrics, or have spent a lifetime listening to country radio and it's Billboard evolution. And you continue the bigotry by using the songs mentioned as examples of lyric destinations that country music listeners could comprehend. You keep stubbing your toe but won't stop running blind through the pasture. Miss Chits, I can see this title working. My family vacations in Tuscany and there is a rural nature there evocative of some of the countryside in the southern US. Craft this song with all your skill and effort then be satisfied regardless who chimes in and says the lyrics are too intelligent for the country market. That's just a buncha' bull. The Hitwriters

[Casey H]

Quote:Casey, your words were very offensive. We suspect you don't write many country lyrics, or have spent a lifetime listening to country radio and it's Billboard evolution. And you continue the bigotry by using the songs mentioned as examples of lyric destinations that country music listeners could comprehend. You keep stubbing your toe but won't stop running blind through the pasture. Miss Chits, I can see this title working. My family vacations in Tuscany and there is a rural nature there evocative of some of the countryside in the southern US. Craft this song with all your skill and effort then be satisfied regardless who chimes in and says the lyrics are too intelligent for the country market. That's just a buncha' bull. The HitwritersTo continue this would be silly, IMHO. I explained my comments and how they relate to what I think will sell COMMERCIALLY in today's country market. Nothing more, nothing less. People who know me know what's in my heart and soul.Casey

[aubreyz]

Quote:Casey, your words were very offensive. We suspect you don't write many country lyrics, or have spent a lifetime listening to country radio and it's Billboard evolution. And you continue the bigotry by using the songs mentioned as examples of lyric destinations that country music listeners could comprehend. You keep stubbing your toe but won't stop running blind through the pasture. Miss Chits, I can see this title working. My family vacations in Tuscany and there is a rural nature there evocative of some of the countryside in the southern US. Craft this song with all your skill and effort then be satisfied regardless who chimes in and says the lyrics are too intelligent for the country market. That's just a buncha' bull. The HitwritersMethinks thou dost protest too much. Casey ain't perfect. None of us are. But he's no bigot. Seems like you have the bigot uhh.. bigger chip on your shoulder.Aub