I walk into a horizon that fills with dark clouds.

[christophersclaybo]

I'd ask for y'all's prayers but I know nobody will do THAT for me so just let me talk...I feel as if I am moving into a horizon filling with black clouds. Will I find my dreams beyond that? Will it even matter? Even so I think I'll come up with a good song of anger and rage that'd make Eminem blush with shame... Here is the message I wrote to Oprah AND Dr. Phil...I am writing on behalf of my aunt and uncle, Diana and Roger Whitfield.Roger recently came down with sickness that made him to miss a week of work. When he recovered they could not give him his job back.For 14 years they have lived in their "dream house"--the same house where I spent my first 22 years of living.It is a terrible tragedy they have to put their house up for sale and move into a communal living situation. They did so much to make that yard beautiful with al the wonderful trees they planted. In the back yard s the now majestic and umbrella-like purple plum tree I planted when I was 9. I am so afraid the new residents might cut down the trees or not take care of the house. I offered to move in and pay over half of my monthly check to help them out but...I see my wonderful childhood moving away, and I am moving towards a horizon filling with dark clouds. So tired of all the pain my life is throwing at me, all the unfulfilled dreams. It is getting late and too soon it will not matter if my dreams happen because there will be nothing left recognizable of what my life use to be.I am so in pain it is making me angry. I am thinking about going out tonight and busting the windows of some buildings in the downtown area, God, this city is such as eyesore!!! My aunt and uncle will be leaving their BEAUTIFUL-to-behold neighborhood to live in this dump part of the city! I can cheer myself up by shattering some windows to match the pain of my shattered dreams...I prayed to God, got my pastor to pray, and if you at Harpo can only pray from the heart for me that is what I am asking for... Seems that is all anyone can do in these unhappy times. How I miss the past!!! I'm told in Near-death-experiences the Light allows you to relive your entire past. I wonder... Would I be able to relive my past up close and personal... Nah, knowing my life all I'd see is fire and more demons...Betcha neither fricking one of them will even give a fricking shit!!! I've been trying since 1999 to get Oprah Winfrey to let me talk to her about my dreams... I've even tried to meet Billy Graham but even THEY don't care if you're not a public figure you know, it's all about perpetuating a product, religion, even if it IS faith in Christ. Oh, you all are gonna hear ALL about this shit in my song if I can ever get the goddamn thing off the goddamn ground...If only I had written that damn fricking hit song I could help my aunt and uncle out and save them from having to move into an old folk's home in the eyesore section of the city...Knowing my luck when I DO finally get my first hit there'll be nothing recognizable in my life worth saving...

[guscave]

Hi Christopher,What I’ve got to say may not help your aunt & uncle and it may not even help you right now, but just the same, since it seems you’re reaching out in this forum, I’ll tell you what “I BELIEVE” whole heartily. "It is not our job to question why God does the things that he does. It is simply our job to BELIEVE that they are happening because he loves us and wants something better for us. It may not seem that way to you right now because you & I can only see what’s happening now, and can only guess what tomorrow will bring. Unfortunately when things are bad we assume tomorrow will be just the same (if not worse). But God does have a better plan for us".As Kouly said; don’t look to celebrities or those with worldly possessions to give you peace and fulfillment. Look for it in yourself. I know it’s hard to believe these things especially when you’re going through serious rough times, but it is exactly at this time when real faith is tested.My 10 cents worth..

[christophersclaybo]

If you think a hit song is going to be your only salvation then you are in for more dark clouds. I guess then all my future holds are alotta dark ass clouds...I wanna be a songwriter...To write a hit song is my ONLY salvation...I want to be a rapper...To write a hit song is my ONLY salvation...I want to save my aunt and uncle from having to move outta their lovely nature-surrounded house into an old folk's home where they got one foot in the grave...To write a hit song is my--is OUR ONLY salvation!I want to be able to finally afford the cosmetic surgeries so I won't look like a fricking retard no more...TO WRITE A HIT SONG IS MY ONLY SALVATION...This is THE MUSIC BIZ HERE! I like a song I heard someone sing at the 2003 Rally. He was being facetious but for me, it is my theme song:"You ain't shit... Until you've had a hit... You ain't shit... until you've had a hit."I can't remember the rest of the chorus but it sure was hilarious... AND TRUE!!!To write a hit song is my ONLY salvation...I'm so tired of all this feel good theology that is all bark and no bite. All talk and absolutely no walk."Having a form of godliness BUT DENYING THE POWER THEREOF!", the Apostle Paul wrote.The preacher said, "God wants to heal you! God wishes health and prosperity for His people...!"God wants to heal me, huh? Not only do I still limp and trip like a retard with the @#@##@% limp these goddamn doctors can't even tell me just what the f--- is wrong with me!Prosperity? I'm not like that singer who wants a bathroom big enough to play baseball in. I just want a fricking YARD big enough to play SOFTBALL in! Is THAT too goddamn much to ask?Jim Whittington, your theology needs some serious redefining..."Look for it in yourself."If you could look inside of me then you, too, would understand...All that is within me is a volcano brewing and seething. The only thing that caps it from blowing is what fragments of shredded hope still linger inside.I ain't GOT no fricking answers in me, that is why I am reaching out! All I got in myself is this goddamn emptiness blackness nothingness!Thanks for offering, but let's get down to BUSINESS!!!!!!Leave the happy tear-jerker stories about how faith in God made everybody else's (BUT mine) ship come in at just the last minute.I want to get down to frickng business! Not have flaunted in my face WHAT I AIN'T GOT!That being said I think I'm gonna go out on my bicycle and bust a few more windows... That way they'll have to board them up with that plywood--such a glorious eyesore to everybody else!!! Makes this city look, on the outside, how I LOOK ON THE OUTSIDE and how I feel on the inside... Hey! It'll be fun!!!!Making it look like it's hurricane season year 'round here!

[mojobone]

Maybe you should take some of that anger, put it in a song, before you end up in a new home featuring bars on the windows...just a thought.Best of luck to you and yours, Chris, I do hope it all works out for you.

[guscave]

"If it makes you happy, then why the hell are you so sad" -Sheryl Crowe:

[christophersclaybo]

Same ole shit different song, too bad it ain't a damn HIT SONG!!! ...I love these forums but I can make more more asking for quarters on the damn streets than I can jawing in here...How else have I been able to afford to come to Los Angeles and stay in five star hotels since 2005's Road Rally. Maybe I can write a song about THAT!...It's called survival in spite of not having jack-shit... It IS my spending cash after all, even if it don't cost ME shit to spend it.. Ha HAAAA!Plus I want, I desperately NEED to get some cosmetic surgery before the time-clock on me runs out. I'm half-dead already, damn! Where the hell does the time go?BEEN THERE, doin' THAT...

[robbylane]

Since you are musician and a member of Taxi, you really SHOULD write a few songs and let that anger out in words, then put music to it. For one thing, that is an excellent way to "vent" and a far better choice than breaking windows. Some of the greatest songs come from your deepest inner core...and right now, you have a LOT to say...that so many others can relate to during this time of economic turmoil. In regard to you getting older, no matter HOW young or old you are, a great song IS a great song. I am 43 years old and some days I look far more like the "manager of a bowling alley" than a bonafide Rock star. Still, the music lives within me regardless of any new wrinkles. In the future, you may come into big money thru music or some other means. The ownership of a house can change hands over time, so you may get a chance to buy that house back. Why not? But for now, I advise you to vent by writing and creating music...and then see what the future brings! Robbylane

[rolanoid]

No matter how bad the situation - feeling anger and frustration only fuels more anger and frustration. I'm not playing down your situation by any means but it is at these low points in our lives that we have to stop and look at what is going right in our life or the lives of our family - however small - there is always something you can find if you look hard enough. It is this small change in perspective that starts to shift things and draw better things to you. Maybe not immediately but there will be small signs of improvement if you try it and start to take notice. The other option is to immerse yourself in all the problems and thereby just attract more of the same to you. I know, I used to do it myself and I wish someone had pointed this out to me sooner. What they don't teach you at school hey?I keep thinking of all the fear and doom that is propagating around the recession which only further fuels it and brings it more into reality. Even in the great depression 80% of people where still employed. If everyone stays positive and helps each other out there is more than enough to go around if we don't all panic and fall prey to the poverty mindset. It really is important to focus on what is going right and not be swamped or overwhelmed by what is not going right. I know that doesn't help those out of work put food on the table but positive thinking over time definitely works and pays off.One other thing - anything created in the energy of desperation will be a product of desperation and carry the energy of desperation greatly lessening the chance of a positive outcome. This is fine if you want to write an angry song for angry people but I personally think enough of those have been written for one lifetime.Good luck!

[devin]

Chris, you've posted here because you have a story to share. My $0.02 is you should channel that energy into a song...two songs...an entire album...as the other fine folks here have already suggested.If you keep the energy of this new music high, and the language/imagery basic enough for folks to latch onto during their very first listen (remember: they won't have a lyric sheet when they first hear it), your story might just resonate!Mar 13, 2009, 12:41am, robbylane wrote:I am 43 years old and some days I look far more like the "manager of a bowling alley" than a bonafide Rock star. - brilliant line!!

[heinsite]

...once was on a bowling team called "the holy rollers". . .