YOU NEVER LEAVE - Wrap Up?

[jwebbinspired]

Well hopefully this is the last time....I just updated the link. I sped the tempo up to 90 bpm. Hopefully that's not a bad thing...Andy

[jonathanm]

I think you're ready to cut the first demo. Of course, a song's not done until you stop tweaking it, so I always just consider a song "in progress" regardless of how good I think it is...I usually come back later with something to change. It's all good.My only real gripes about it as is would be (1) I like the original tempo or thereabouts, and (2) the bridge lyric doesn't raise the emotion of the song (it's good, but kinda neutral).Maybe consider (if you're not too tired of considering) writing something for the bridge along the lines of (downbeats in bold):You swore you'd never leave, you'd be with me 'til I die,Funny how you kept your word even after your goodbye.I dunno. Just call it done and move it to the next level in the process. We could stall you here for years. Love the work, man.

[jwebbinspired]

Thanks Jonathan,I will slow'er down a little bit. I just listened to it again and it does feel a bit rushed to me. Yeah....I'm still looking at the bridge. I need something that really just punches you in the gut....It'll come to me, it always does.Andy

[derekmcfarland]

OK, I've listened to the new version several times now...Lots good. The song is "sticky" and I remember a lot of your lines.My remaining suggestions:I liked your original phrasing (better) on: "I still look for you""poured a cup for you""And a broken sun visor""Lying to myself will never fake it" is a lot of syllables to fit in that line."when" in your hook could be confusing to some. I know you've tried several. Did you try "'cause?"I look forward to hearing the final demo. I want a copy for my iPod Derek

[heinsite]

andy--i'm listening to this now for the first time....sorry for not getting to it earlier--VERY SORRY, as whatever version i'm listening to now for the 3rd time now, i can honestly find absolutely nothing wrong with this song. period. i've commented on this i think before, but if i didn't say great, i was wrong. i know this is still a bit rough on the production side, by hell man, this is a wonderful--i have no other comments. be proud.warren

[jwebbinspired]

Thanks Warren I'm glad you liked it that much. And yes, I am very proud, this is the 12th rewrite of this song, it's kind of like a child Thanks Derek, I think my phrasing problems were a product of trying to increase the tempo too much. I'm going to slow it down a bit, somewhere between the original and this version. And I think I might change "Lying to myself will never fake it" to "lying to myself can't fake it" if slowing the tempo down doesn't sufficently repair the problem. Yes, I used "cause" before but I got some comments to try something else. But I do like "cause" better. "You're gone cause you never leave": I think the problem was that it might be taken too literally. But I'm leaning toward using it anyway. Thanks everyone for your input. I think this song is on the pro-demo lineup. I'm listen up for anyone comments. I won't be getting demos for a couple weeks yet. Do you guys think I can get away with just a guitar/vocal?Andy

[k o star]

hey Jwebbinspired,Sorry I'm late on this one too I think...Man, the words are so sad... makes me wanna cry... which is good...R U keeping it simple acoustic like this? I think it's cool...-Kel

[jwebbinspired]

Kel, Thanks man. I appreciate your tears. I think I will keep this very low key when I have it demoed. Probably two guitars and a vocal or something simple like that....I like the idea of a simple demo just for the price. Andy

[shawncullen]

Listening...Nice voice. Nice guitar picking. Personally not sure of kitchen and addiction ryhme but that's me. Like the hammer ons, like the chorus which has just kicked in. Heartfelt in my view. Would like to hear finished version. Good solid song.Shawn

[momof4]

hey! great job staying at this one - i'm impressed! and i have to say that i really like this song. i reaaaally dig the lyrics. seems kind of reminiscient of "Better As a Memory" - written in similiar, poetic style. one tiny comment is that the bridge doesn't seem to really do justice to the rest of the song...seems kind of like a generic bridge that would work in about a million other tunes. if you can keep on with the emotion you've displayed in the rest of the song and really "bring it home" in the bridge, i think it'd be stronger. but apart from that, i love your imagery, love the desperation, love it all. nice job, andrew!erin (now "momofFIVE")