Joke of the Minute...

[marineer]

LOVE IT !!!tom

[marineer]

This has nothing common with the f*****´music biz, but it is sooooo tru !MATHEMATICSSmart man+ smart woman = romanceSmart man+dumb woman = affairDumb man+smart woman = marriageDumb man+ dumb woman = pregnancyOFFICE ARITHMETICSmart boss+ smart employee = profitSmart boss+dumb employee = productionDumb boss+smart employee = promotionDumb boss+dumb employee = overtimeSHOPPING MATHA man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need.GENERAL EQUATIONS & STATISTICSA woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.A successful woman is one who can find such a man.HAPPINESSTo be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him alittle.To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try tounderstand her at all.LONGEVITYMarried men live longer than single men do, but married men are a lotmore willing to die.PROPENSITY TO CHANGEA woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, and she does.DISCUSSION TECHNIQUEA woman has the last word in any argument.Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.HOW TO STOP PEOPLE FROM BUGGING YOU ABOUT GETTING MARRIEDOld aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poking me in the ribs andcackling, telling me, "You're next." They stopped after I started doingthe same thing to them at funerals.SEND THIS TO A SMART WOMAN WHO NEEDS A LAUGH AND TO THE SMART GUYS YOUKNOW CAN HANDLE IT. TOM

[hookstownbrown]

Hehheh! Football rules!

[nomiyah]

True story:My cousin is a teenage computer whiz. A couple weeks ago, his grandma (my aunt) called him because she had a computer problem. She was trying to play solitaire and it wasn't working. She asked my cousin "Is the computer out of cards?"

[nomiyah]

Funny stuff

[ernstinen]

The doctor said, "Joe, the good news is I can cure your headaches. The bad news is that it will require castration. You have a very rare condition, which causes your testicles to press on your spine and the pressure creates one hell of a headache. The only way to relieve the pressure is to remove the testicles."Joe was shocked and depressed. He wondered if he had anything to live for. He had no choice but to go under the knife.When he left the hospital, he was without a headache for the first time in 20 years, but he felt like he was missing an important part of himself. As he walked down the street, he realized that he felt like a different person. He could make a new beginning and live a new life. He saw a men's clothing store and thought, "That's what I need... a new suit." He entered the shop and told the salesman, "I'd like a new suit."The elderly tailor eyed him briefly and said, "Let's see... size 44 long."Joe laughed, "That's right, how did you know?""Been in the business 60 years!" the tailor said.Joe tried on the suit, it fit perfectly.As Joe admired himself in the mirror, the salesman asked, "How about a new shirt?"Joe thought for a moment and then said, "Sure."The salesman eyed Joe and said, "Let's see, 34 sleeves and 16-1/2 neck."Joe was surprised, "That's right, how did you know?""Been in the business 60 years."Joe tried on the shirt, and it fit perfectly.Joe walked comfortably around the shop, and the salesman asked, "How about some new underwear?"Joe thought for a moment and said, "Sure." The salesman said, "Let's see... size 36."Joe laughed, "Ah ha! I got you, I've worn a size 34 since I was 18 years old."The salesman shook his head, "You can't wear a size 34. A size 34 would press your testicles up against the base of your spineand give you one hell of a headache."New suit - $400New shirt - $36New underwear - $6Second Opinion - PRICELESSErn

[Casey H]

Good one, Ern! Damn! I wish I had gotten that 2nd opinion!! Casey

[bobc]

Sad News:With all the sadness and trauma going on in the world at the moment, it is worth reflecting on the death of a very important person, which almost went unnoticed last week. Larry LaPrise, the man that wrote "The Hokey Pokey" died peacefully at the age of 93. The most traumatic part for his family was getting him into the coffin. They put his left leg in. And then the trouble started. Shut up. You know it's funny. Bob

[nomiyah]

Did you hear about the fat woman who thought she was anorexic because every time she looked in a mirror she saw a fat person?

[drew]

During a visit to the mental asylum, a visitor asked the Director what the criterion was which defined whether or not a patient should be institutionalized."Well," said the Director, "we fill up a bathtub, then we offera teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the patient and ask him orher to empty the bathtub.""Oh, I understand," said the visitor. "A normal person woulduse the bucket because it's bigger than the spoon or the teacup.""No," said the Director, "A normal person would pull the plug.Gotcha! Make sure you get a bed by the window.