Joke of the Minute...

[ernstinen]

Quote:The chimp says, "At a hundred bucks a drink...I'm not surprised." Bob Ouch! That joke is older than dirt! How about this version:A rope walks into a bar and orders a scotch. The bartender starts pouring the drink before realizing that his customer is a rope."Hey, we don't let ropes in this place. Get out!"So the rope walks out in the hallway, thinks for a minute, and decides he really wants a drink. He walks back in, sits down, and orders a scotch.The bartender says "Are you DEAF! I told you no ropes allowed in here. Get lost!"The rope walks out down the hallway into the bathroom. He looks into the mirror, a little rope tear welling up in his eye. After a moment, he coils the top part of himself, and fluffs up his ragged tuft.The rope marches back into the bar and orders a scotch. The bartender takes one look at him and says "Hey! Aren't you that rope that keeps coming in here!?"The rope looks the bartender in the eye and says "No. I'm a frayed knot."Rimshot, Choke Cymbal!Ern

[drew]

[ernstinen]

An elderly gentleman was sipping on a scotch in an upscale hotel bar, when a pretty older lady sat down next to him. They began to talk, and found an immediate attraction to each other.After a few drinks, the gentleman invited the lady up to his room for a nightcap. She accepted.The brandy enhanced the mood, and one thing led to the next. The lady flirtatiously sat on the bed, and the gentleman began to slowly undress her. When she was naked from the waist up, the elderly lady said "I think I should let you know that I have acute angina."The gentleman replied "I sure hope so, because the rest of you is looking pretty droopy!"Ern

[mani]

I don't get it...

[ernstinen]

Quote:I don't get it... Start with "acute angina" ---- and then say the last line out loud!Ern

[ernstinen]

Quote:An elderly gentleman was sipping on a scotch in an upscale hotel bar, when a pretty older lady sat down next to him. They began to talk, and found an immediate attraction to each other.After a few drinks, the gentleman invited the lady up to his room for a nightcap. She accepted.The brandy enhanced the mood, and one thing led to the next. The lady flirtatiously sat on the bed, and the gentleman began to slowly undress her. When she was naked from the waist up, the elderly lady said "I think I should let you know that I have acute angina."The gentleman replied "I sure hope so, because the rest of you is looking pretty droopy!"Ern Let's try this again!Now that's funny... I don't care who ya are... That's funny... Jeez, do I have to spell it out for youse guys? Or maybe you're fkg with me!!!!Ern

[mani]

Nah! We'd never do a thing like that Ern!! Unless you had a really cute angina. Btw...Quote:Now that's funny... I don't care who ya are... That's funny...Isn't that Hook's line?? I hope you put in a compulsory licence request for that one!!

[marineer]

The 95 years old billionaire married again!Actually he is an famous COUNTRYMUSIC producer and still big in that biz. His bride is a most beautiful, lovely,really extraordinaire good-looking, blonde longhaired sexy chick with nice big boobs, legs ´til her butt, a wonderful smile and she sings like an angel ! All wedding party guests are whispering behind their backs, "she´s only looking after his money, and she will s*** the shit out of him, until he gets a heart attack, to take his amount of money !"the billionaire noticed it always, but kept the smile on his face.the wedding was amazing and everybody happy or completely pissed!early in the morning ... the beloved couple went to bed ...for to do ... what all just married couples would do ... !four weeks later: The flash news posting every our in each tv-channel, radio and on all boards in the internet !THE PRECIOUS BRIDE IS DEAD !!! WHY HOPEFUL TALENTED SINGER HAS GONE FOREVER !!!the death certificate note:poisoned, salmonellae !obviously... HIS... eggs were too old !!! sorry guys ... forgive me , i´ve tried my best to put it in english !

[marineer]

p.s.in the USA you use "BALLS" ... instead of "EGGS" !!!

[bobc]

St. Peter asks the person in front of the pearly gates, "What did you do in life?" The reply - I was a physician - brought a generous smile from St. Peter who said, "Very noble profession, you are welcome in heaven. Of course, there's nothing for you to do here as we have no illness of any kind, but you are most welcome in heaven. The bar on the left goes on forever, the buffet on the right goes on to eternity, and the pink fluffy looking cloud in the middle is where God hangs out; feel free to talk to God, eat and drink as much as you like; you are welcome in heaven. St. Peter asks the next person, "What did you do in life?" The reply - I was a lawyer - brought a disgruntled look as St. Peter rolled his eyes and said, "Well, everyone is welcome in heaven. Of course, there's nothing for you to do here as we have no crime or ill will or accidents of any kind, but you are welcome in heaven. The bar on the left goes on forever, the buffet on the right goes on to eternity, and the pink fluffy looking cloud in the middle is where God hangs out; feel free to talk to God, eat and drink as much as you like; you are welcome in heaven. St. Peter asks the next person, "What did you do in life?" The reply - I was a jazz bassist - brought an excited response of delight as St. Peter excitedly said, "You're going to love it here! The jam sessions go on forever! And you can play with Miles, or Trane, or Bill Evans. Duke Ellington writes a new piece for the band every day. There's plenty of solo space, no weird keys, nothing out of tune, no bad notes, no bad changes, and the time is always rock solid - you're going to love it here! Oh, by the way,you didn't park out front, did you? Stay away from the bar and the buffet table - and don't try to talk to God - he's busy. Could you come in through the loading dock? And do you have a sound system we could use during breaks?"Bob