Waiting Sure Is Tough...?

[jwebbinspired]

Hello all. I've been having writer's block since before the holidays. And I think Adrienne gave me some inspiration to pull out some old stuff I had been working on. This is a song I started almost a year ago exactly. I'm not looking for production feedback, I know it's terrible. But please any advice regarding melody, lyrics, terminology, tempo, whatever, I'd love to get feedback while this is still on the carpenter's table.I still have no idea how you guys stream off of Taxi. If anyone wants to explain that to me too, I'd appreciate it. Here is the link to my homepage http://www.taximusic.com/hosting/home.p ... 53“Waiting On a Ring”©2008 Andrew Scott WillsShe wrote her number,Right here on my hand,So I’d remember,To dial it in,That’s some signal,I think she might like me,More than a little,She’s waiting patiently by the phone,She’s waiting on a ring,Waiting on the moment that would change her life,Waiting on me,To prove whether I’m Mr. Right,I can’t stop thinking about her,I thank God,She’s waiting on a ring,I think she knows,Tonight’s the night,I’m going to propose,To change our lives,I see it in her eyes,I can see in her face,It’s no surprise,Why we’re in this place under the stars,Before the wedding,He pulled me aside,Said “she’s been waiting,”For this day all her life,“I’m happy to have you”And then he smiled,“Better get up there”“She’ll be coming down the isle soon”

[adrienne]

Hi AndyGlad that I could offer up some inspiration I really like this song and think it has a lot of potential. A few comments for consideration.I think that the lyrics need a bit of tightening up, in terms of syllables and just to make them flow a bit easier. One line that didn't sit right with me was "waiting on me to prove I'm Mr. Right." It fits for the first scenario but I think by the time he proposes and by the time they're getting married, he's already proven it. So you may want to consider a different word...or have it be different for all 3 choruses to show the progression. I really like the melody to this song. I'm not sure if it's just the demo but I'm not sure that the transition from verse to chorus works. Perhaps if you lift it a bit more or even change the rhythm a bit on the last few lines before the chorus, it would transition into the chorus a bit easier.Feel free to take or leave any of my thoughts....just one person's opinion. Overall, a great song!!Adrienne

[jwebbinspired]

Thanks Adrienne, I definitely understand about the tightening up of words/syllables. That's what I was afraid of. And that is a really good point about the line "waiting on me to prove I'm Mr. Right." I don't prefer to have a different chorus everytime (but am not against it) At one time it used to be "waiting for me to put my heart on the line" is that any better?I'm sure my demo is part of it, but I'm also sure there could be a more definitive transition. I have a very small/weak range and it is difficult for me to get that lift needed. I usually sing falcetto and my worktapes that I send to the studio.Thanks for the feedback.Andy

[jwebbinspired]

Wow. I just listened to my worktape again. the chorus needs some serious lift doesn't it? haha

[adrienne]

What about "Waiting to see her Mr. Right"? Not sure but I think it's closer to what you're going for and could probably fit all 3 scenarios.

[jwebbinspired]

Or maybe "can't wait to see her Mr. Right?"

[jwebbinspired]

Or "can't wait to be with her Mr. Right"

[adrienne]

The problem is in the first scenario she doesn't know he's her Mr. Right yet, so if you don't want to make it different for all 3 you need to choose something that fits all 3. I think saying she can't wait, implies that she already knows. This is fine, but then you need to set up the verse stronger so it's apparent it's a "love at first sight" type thing. Or you could even say something like "waiting on her love at first sight"....not sure if that works, but it something to play with.

[ideascapes]

Andy,You know, sometimes a very simple version of a song is the best--this could actually one that begs a guitar/vocal execution without a lot of production. Even if you do that, you could hold the note over ring for several counts in the very first line of the chorus--that might be all the lift you need. Like adrienne, I liked the melody on this--probably the strongest aspect.Thanks for reminding me to go through my old work tapes (4 cassettes marked, "Snippets I/II/III/IV")!Vince

[jwebbinspired]

Thanks Vince, I don't anticipate a huge production, and I'm glad you reinforced that thought. I've reworked the words a bit. Conversing with Adrienne made me realize that the three stories are hard to match up the way they are. I'm trying to work on them to make them jive more with the chorus. Here's where I'm at.“Waiting On a Ring”By Andrew Scott WillsLove hit me hard,Like a fastball,Hit out of the yard,She told me to call,She wrote her number,Right here on my hand,So I’d remember,To dial it in,She’s waiting on a ring,Waiting on the moment she dreamed since the start,Waiting on me,To realize what she already knows in her heart,I can’t stop thinking about her,And I thank God,She’s waiting on a ring,I think she knew,That I’d propose,I think the clue,Was the red rose?I was scared to death,Of that woman I adored,But she said yes,Before my knee hit the floor,Today’s the day,I put it all on the line,And we change,Unite her heart and mine,She was beautiful,As she walked down the isle,Like an angel,She sees me and smiles,