I walk into a horizon that fills with dark clouds.

[ernstinen]

Cmrmurray, Suz & Jamie, great posts!Mar 14, 2009, 1:06pm, sgs4u wrote:If this guy can get thru life as a motivational speaker, then we all have something very interesting to learn about problems... And Steve, that is an AMAZING video! Very inspirational!Physical and emotional problems are very different, though. Pretty hard to compare them. Obviously, this guy has a VERY strong mind. If you don't, you need help.Ern

[suzdoyle]

Hey there --I just watched a great show on Public Broadcasting called "Change Your Brain, Change your Life," with psychiatrist Daniel Amen. Fascinating look at how the brain works, with some fascinating new ways to deal with such things as depression, ADD, temper issues, communicating in relationships, etc. He talks about what brain scans of thousands of people show, and 3 different parts of the brain that can be over or under active in different people, resulting in certain addictions, behavior patterns, etc. Very informative!

[sgs4u]

Mar 14, 2009, 4:06pm, ernstinen wrote:And Steve, that is an AMAZING video! Very inspirational!Physical and emotional problems are very different, though. Pretty hard to compare them. Obviously, this guy has a VERY strong mind. If you don't, you need help.Ern Well Ern, you're right it's an amazing video. I've used it on myself quite a few times. Changed my state of mind every time. And I've presented it to a lot of people because I think it can do the same for them. If you think emotional problems and physical problems are different, you're right. But does that belief continue to prove itself? You gotta know that legless armless guy would have had a few emotional issues to go with his physical shortcomings. As a career creator like you, I've also struggled with tons of depression. Mountains of resentment and animosity towards the music biz, wealthy people and people unwilling to notice the facts right in front of them. In fact many of you probably remember seeing my nastiness. I'd come on here late at nite, blast off a few posts. Remember Perry the writer/lawyer, or the defenseless, InYourDefense? Many people even commented that what I was doing, was beneficial. Of course to a degree it was. I was vilifying a few humans that were disconnected from what a lot of people here believe in. Did it help anything? Who knows... I feel a little sheepish about my behavior at times that I've done all this pretty much in public. With a ego the size of mine, that was the correct path for me. I have gone whole hog into the land of re-programming my brain... and yes I had to pretty much stop worrying about writing and submitting to do it. I've brainwashed my thoughts into much more productive things. The metamorphosis isn't complete, but I can fly. I still bump headfirst into walls here and there... I do this by consuming daily doses of whatever spiritually positive messages I can get my hands on. 10, 20 times a day, I stop and find something on-line to raise my spirit. I'm constantly changing and challenging my perceptions, and learning how to accept and love the things I can't do much about. Paying close attention to anything Suzie Doyle and Allan DeSomer write, works wonders for me. It's all about love man. Some people won't ever go where I'm going, and that's fine too. Some people think we should keep on-line identities very secret, that revealing too much is potentially dangerous. Some people think fraternizing with certain kinds of people is morally corrupt. Go ahead keep thinking that way, if that makes your life better. But it didn't help mine at all. So I feel bulletproof now, like I did at 18. And sexy too! My take on it is, figure what makes you special and do it like crazy. Any moment you notice that you're happy, memorize exactly what you're in the middle of doing, so that you can get there again. Take mental pictures of every moment that is special to you. I had a hard time understanding authenticity for quite a while, even tho I was revealing it bit by bit. I also drew a lot of lines in the sand and erected a lot of walls to protect myself from the evils of on-line humans. I probably forgot to notice a bunch of potentially exciting opportunities while I was busy ranting. I promise you, I'm not making myself into some kind of wet love noodle. I'm a warrior for co-creating art man. Dark clouds be gone. I have some good work to do. We all do

[ernstinen]

Fantastic post, Mr. Vangroovy!The thing is: People with clinical depression who can't even get out of bed just cannot do what you are doing for yourself. It's a very noble and positive thing that you espouse, but some people need medical attention to even get CLOSE to where you are at. There are those that can never get there, even with medication.It's the old "pull yourself up" attitude that seriously ill people will never be able to do. --- "I" may be able to use the methods that you're talking about, but there are many poor souls that are unable to. It's just scientific fact that some people are too far gone mentally to even try cognitive therapeutical techniques. They can barely open their eyes to see the sunshine outside, let alone pull the covers off of their heads.I believe we need to have some compassion for folks that are not as strong as we are. The "I can do it, and so can you" attitude just does not compute with seriously ill people. It's too bad, but that's just how some human beings' brains are wired.Most of the people living on skid row in downtown L.A. are mentally ill, and because of stupid politicians like Ronald Reagan, who cut funding for these people, doomed them to live in cardboard boxes. As a matter of fact, because of the lack of funding, it's been reported over and over that hospitals put these pathetic people in taxi cabs and dump them on the streets downtown because they can't pay for their health care. --- You're lucky to live in Canada, because the U.S. government in the past 20+ years doesn't give a damn about the ill and the homeless. Hopefully, that will change soon!BTW, last fall when my wife was out of town, I got up at 3:00 A.M. to go downstairs and get a glass of water. It was dark, and I missed the last 3 steps, breaking two ribs.An angel came over me, and it was YOU --- no, sorry, it was Joe Biden. He said "Get up! Get up! My father always told me that when you fall down, you HAVE to get up!" After writhing in pain for a few minutes, Joe told me again to get up. So I did and went back to bed. Thanks, Joe! Now, back to our regularly scheduled program! Best Regards,Ern

[Casey H]

Mar 14, 2009, 11:58am, ernstinen wrote:Mar 14, 2009, 5:05am, claire wrote: Clinical depression and that level of anger don't resolve by channeling them into a song.ClaireThat's very true, Claire. Writing music maybe helped me 5% and modern anti-depressants 95%. Clinical depression is a real illness, and no laughing matter. People who say "Pull up your bootstraps," or "Put a smile on your face" etc. are NOT scientists and don't understand the severity of depression. They deny the chemical imbalance of the brain, which is the real cause of depression.It's like saying to a person with cancer, "Ah, things will be alright. Just get over it!" Illness is illness, and medical science will eventually solve problems like this, as polio in the U.S. was eradicated in the 1950's.Mar 15, 2009, 4:17am, ernstinen wrote: The thing is: People with clinical depression who can't even get out of bed just cannot do what you are doing for yourself. It's a very noble and positive thing that you espouse, but some people need medical attention to even get CLOSE to where you are at. There are those that can never get there, even with medication.Having seen the suffering in my own friends and family over the years, I can't stress enough how true this all is. People who've never experienced it or watched a loved one suffer with it, often (through no fault of their own) don't really "get" the difference between sadness, feeling blue for a time, & the ups and downs of life vs. real clinical depression. The latter can be a crippling (as much as physical illness) and life-threatening illness.Music is great therapy, no doubt. Many of us started writing as a form of therapeutic expression. I did. And many people improve their lives and overall happiness with various methodologies to keep a focused, optimistic attitude about life. All good things. I just wanted to reiterate that steps toward leading a happier life and getting out of clinical depression, though overlapping a bit, are very different. Casey

[Casey H]

Mar 14, 2009, 4:06pm, ernstinen wrote:Physical and emotional problems are very different, though. Pretty hard to compare them...Yes and no... If someone can't get out of bed because they are that depressed it is more similar to having a physical illness than some realize. And it's a major cause of death in the world, especially in younger people. It's not something to debate as to "which is worse?"... It's more like the old "would you rather get eaten by a hungry lion or a starving tiger?" thing..Mar 15, 2009, 2:52am, sgs4u wrote: As a career creator like you, I've also struggled with tons of depression...If you were able to recover from clinical depression without medical help, that's a great thing. There is no one answer to anything. The majority of folks in that situation don't do as well without medical intervention. But I will never say there is only one way. Results are all that matters.Mar 15, 2009, 2:52am, sgs4u wrote: Some people think we should keep on-line identities very secret, that revealing too much is potentially dangerous. I think people should be careful if there is a threat to their's or their family's safety, their career, etc. If someone is getting death threats against their family (not that common, I admit), there is good reason to hide details. Also, if someone is posting details about their situation with an employer (e.g. complaining about their policies, calling their boss an ass, etc), they are truly putting themselves at risk. I guess this thread as digressed a bit... Casey

[christophersclaybo]

Apologies are in order for my recent posts... From now on no more negative posts from me...I got a call from Michael Laskow, and he told me alot of you called in, worried I was suicidal...PLEASE hear me out when I say I have absolutely NO INTENTIONS WHATSOEVER to kill myself or hurt myself in any way!!! Relax! I love myself to much to do that! I was simply "letting off steam", because it feels so good to FINALLY have people listening to what I say.I only ask one favor from those of you here who believe...I SO BADLY long to be normal, like I used to be. I long for the right side of my body to become as functional as the left side...I long to be able to run wild and free like I once did, without my back hurting from this limp! I long to be able to jump for joy again and not have to just sit there unable to express it!!!I make my appeal to those of you here, who believe in something, no, SOMEONE, greater than man...I so badly want to be a normal kid again. I want the questions such as, "Have you got cerebral palsy" and "were you in a terrible accident", to stop, and for that to happen I ask each and every one of you to put in a plea to God Himself that HE would fix me. I've been to many doctors and they can't even diagnose what' wrong, let alone cure or even treat it. I think their highest goal is to make all the money they can for the medical community.Don't put your faith in the prayers you say to cure me, put your faith in the God who answers prayer. Prayer every day for me, please; whisper a request to God on my behalf whenever you think of me.I SO BADLY want to be normal again.Oh, and I promise, no more frustrated posts from me that'll bring the community down from now on.

[ernstinen]

Christopher,We ARE praying for you to get well. Please believe that!You talk about your "left side" and "right side," as well as "cerebral palsy" etc.Question: Are you talking about the left side vs. the right side of your brain? Or do you have some "physical" problem that is undiagnosed, and causes some paralysis etc.? THAT'S a totally different issue from having a chemical inbalance in your brain that causes depression.We've all assumed that your plight was related to what psychiatrists work on. I KNOW all about that, as I've been under the care of a psychiatrist for many years, and it's remarkable how much better I feel after the Dr. made me his laboratory mouse and experimented on me until he found the solution! BUT, if you're talking about a physical, not mental, illness, that's another story altogether.And DON'T give up --- seek a second, third, or fourth opinion.We care about you, and a lot of us have "been there."Best Regards,Ern

[che]

CHRIS!!!!You know we love you!!!! I will definitely pray for you. Seeing as I never wanted to be too nosey and make you talk about your physical problems....I didn't know for sure that this is something that has come upon you as you've grown older. I kind of thought that, but I'm sure you get a lot of other assumptions.I could tell you were venting in previous posts, so I chose not to comment. Heck.....there is NO time for committing suicide!!!! Get that song done so we can start getting in tracked. ASAP That's an order Talk to ya soon and no window breakin.luv Tricia

[suzdoyle]

Hey Christopher;Don't worry about being too heavy or dark here. Just be who you are. This is a safe place to share what is up in your life.Just a couple of thoughts:"Normal"? What the heck is that? I'm not sure there is such a thing.But to feel healthy and strong and able, well those are things that are doable. You have lots of options. Check out "Change Your Brain, Change Your Life," by Dr. Daniel Amen -- very cool guy using brain scans to identify what parts of the brain are under-functioning (or mal-functioning) and using very expansive approaches to get the brain (and hence the body etc.) back in balance . . . there's a lot more, but check out his presentation on public broadcasting. One of the parts I found fascinating was that several huge ways to change the brain chemistry are simple:1. Wake up and write down 5 things for which you are grateful. It may sound hokey, but it actually activates parts of your brain that evoke feelings of well being.2. Exercise.3. Healthy diet (whole foods, fish and or flax oil, avoid alcohol, drugs, cigarettes).4. Daily quiet or meditation (quiet the reptilian parts of the brain and activates the more calm/ thoughtful parts)Some of this is basic stuff, to be sure, but it's interesting that this psychiatrist tested the above approaches to healing the brain by doing "before and after" brain scans. There are also specific brain fixing exercises you can do, on your own, or with docs who use specific brain repatterning techniques.The main point is -- you have lots of options, and they can be difficult to see when things feel overwhelming and intense. And that's when reaching out to others is helpful -- because they can help you remember or introduce you to options for healing.So, hang in there. Send me a PM if you need someone to talk to or want to find more about some nifty kinds of healing work in the world. Meanwhile, I'll remind you of 5 things to be grateful for right now:1. You're alive2. You have the courage to reach out for help here on the forums3. You are not alone; people care about your well-being4. You don't have to eat brussel sprouts if you don't want to (okay, just a bit of comic relief)5. You are YOU!Warm regards,Suz