Tell me if I am wrong, but this song sucks

[cameron]

Jun 16, 2009, 7:32pm, arthur wrote:If one has to analyze a song to death, they just don't get it. Untrained ears maybe?Hey Arthur, have you ever once submitted a song to a publisher or an industry panel? It'll be analyzed until your head spins, so you might want to take a look at it with a critical eye before they do.Cam

[cameron]

Jun 16, 2009, 7:44pm, perrysmith wrote:I started writing a song a while back that I called "Me Again" that was about someone getting back on their feet so to speak. The chorus:It's the end of the tunnel, I can see the lightLike a fading flower turning back toward the skyLike a fighter down getting up on the count of nineI will survive thisI've got my second wind andI'm feeling like me againIt's a big fat power ballad. I was having trouble with fresh ideas for verses. Anybody want to help me write a better song than "Mountains" about overcoming trials? Let's do it right here in this thread. Throw out some verse ideas and let's see if we can get something fresher and deeper than this song. Anybody want to play? (And feel free to better the chorus. ) I will at least pay for a nice piano vocal and come back and play it for everyone right here. Leave the melody to me...I do alright there. Does not need to be country. Everyone who has an idea/line used in the song gets cowrite credit. C'mon, it'll be fun How about instead of mountains or a one-legged vet in a foot race you make it about gettin' a Taxi forward? JUST KIDDING AUB!!

[perrysmith]

lmao. Could work! (BTW, I always pictured this a female vocal (maybe it had something to do with the "flower" line in the chorus...)

[marcblack30]

Jun 16, 2009, 7:44pm, perrysmith wrote:I started writing a song a while back that I called "Me Again" that was about someone getting back on their feet so to speak. The chorus:It's the end of the tunnel, I can see the lightLike a fading flower turning back toward the skyLike a fighter down getting up on the count of nineI will survive thisI've got my second wind andI'm feeling like me againIt's a big fat power ballad. I was having trouble with fresh ideas for verses. Anybody want to help me write a better song than "Mountains" about overcoming trials? Let's do it right here in this thread. Throw out some verse ideas and let's see if we can get something fresher and deeper than this song. Anybody want to play? (And feel free to better the chorus. ) I will at least pay for a nice piano vocal and come back and play it for everyone right here. Leave the melody to me...I do alright there. Does not need to be country. Everyone who has an idea/line used in the song gets cowrite credit. C'mon, it'll be fun I'll play...it was the longest year of my life, back in '9512 hour shifts had me burried alivethat's all for now.

[perrysmith]

Cool, Marc. Let's do this...let's make it present because the chorus is in the present--she's basically coming out of a rough time...so how aboutIt's been the longest year of my lifeTwelve hour shifts have me buried aliveI have a verse melody in mind, so I got rid of the back in 95 for that reason, also. Let's get six more lines with a meter similar to those two and see what we come up with. Anyone??? We'll go back and rewrite as we go and the story develops. So just put some stuff out there...if it's just Marc and me, then we will do a public cowrite right here. But someone else must have a good idea or two...jump in. -Perry

[jdhogg]

I'll add this. I dont know what meter/melody you have in mind so take these lines as is or modify or throw out as required. It's been the longest year of my lifeTwelve hour shifts have me buried aliveI'm diggin deeper every dayTo get outta bed and put on my face

[billg]

Perry, I'm venturing out of my comfort zone because conversational lyrics are a mystery to me . . . but I think there are betters ways to express the lyrics you already have.Off the top of my head something like this would have more impact and sing better-Near the tunnels end, the light shines through& like a fading flower turns t’wards a sky of blueWith one knee down at the count of nineI’ll get up once again to claim what’s mine& I’ll be me (or back?) again

[matthoggard]

It's been the longest year of my lifeTwelve hour shifts have me buried alivePinchin' pennies to save every dollar I canMy kids barely know who I amKeep or sweep...Bill, your chorus is a little too poetic. One thing about conversational lyrics is, write it exactly how you would speak it. Add some color but think about sitting with your buddy at the bar and telling him the story.

[simonparker]

Jun 16, 2009, 4:16pm, perrysmith wrote:This is a powerhouse group that obviously had their pick of all the songs out there--especially for the first single off the album. How does this happen? Hey Perry, this happens very easily because one of the songwriters is the lead singer of Lonestar and the other is Larry Boone another singer/songwriter in country that happened to be his friend.That's why songs like that trump the perfectly crafted material in songpluggers catalogs.So let's see...use outside song that goes to #1 and sell 1 million copies but get no royalties, or use song i wrote with friend, watch it go to #10 on the charts, sell 950,000 copies and get royalties...hmmm.....as a powerhouse band, which do I choose?

[derekmcfarland]

Perry, I totally agree with you.The concept/hook is strong, but the overall song does not line up with "good craft" examples that the industry gives us. Others have said it, but I think the biggest factor is that Richie McDonald wrote the song himself. I don't think it ever would have made it through the "machine" otherwise. Artists get to do that sometimes I guess... and sometimes it works!I wonder what the response would be from screeners/etc. if any of us had submitted the chorus to Sugarland's "All I Want To Do?" Derek