Joke of the Minute...

[nomiyah]

To everyone on this thread,I come here and read jokes all the time. Thanks for making me laugh... over and over. Keep 'em coming.Nomi

[drew]

Nomi, some of this stuff could cause severe brain damage. You should take it small doses, and if your nose starts feeling numb that would be a bad sign.

[ernstinen]

Drew, Ibanez --- Stop me if I've told this one before! A Hollywood producer is hot on a script about 3 famous composers: Beethoven, Mozart, and Bach.The twist is that he wants 3 top action stars to play the composers.So he arranges a meeting with Chuck Norris, Steven Seagal, and Arnold Schwarznegger.The producer explains to them the idea, and says "Steven, which one of the three would you like to play?"Seagal says, "Duh, um, I'd like to play Mozart."The producer says "How about you, Chuck?"Norris answers "Ah, I guess I'll play Beethoven."Finally the producer turns to Arnold and says "Arnold, who would you prefer to play?"Schwarznegger looks at him with steely eyes, and in his infamous accent, says "I'll be Bach."Ba-da-boom!Ern

[nomiyah]

Aug 12, 2008, 5:49am, drew wrote:Nomi, some of this stuff could cause severe brain damage. You should take it small doses, and if your nose starts feeling numb that would be a bad sign.You are right Drew, for example Ern's joke.... ouch, my brain!!!!!!!!

[ibanez468]

Stop it ERNST!! Sorry...it's a repeat. "I'll be Bach" HA! A Terminator fan! Loved/Got all 3 movies.I-468

[ibanez468]

OK, this is for all my Italian compagnos. Don't get bent outta' shape or nothin'. It's just a joke. No harm meant. Besides, the comeback is COOL!The Barber A man was getting a haircut prior to a trip to Rome. He mentioned the trip to the barber who responded, "Rome? Why would anyone want to go there? It's crowded, dirty and full of Italians. You're crazy to go to Rome. So, how are you getting there?" "We're taking TWA," was the reply. "We got a great rate!" "TWA?" exclaimed the barber. "That's a terrible airline. Their planes are old, their flight attendants are rude, and they're always late. So, where are you staying in Rome?" "We'll be at the downtown International Marriott." "That dump! That's the worst hotel in the city. The rooms are small, the service is surly and they're overpriced. So, whatcha doing when you get there?" "We're going to go to see the Vatican and we hope to see the Pope." "That's rich," laughed the barber. "You and a million other people trying to see him. He'll look the size of an ant. Boy, good luck on this lousy trip of yours. You're going to need it." A month later, the man again came in for his regular haircut. The barber asked him about his trip to Rome. "It was wonderful," explained the man, "not only were we on time in one of TWA's brand new planes, but it was overbooked and they bumped us up to first class. The food and wine were wonderful, and I had a beautiful 28 year old stewardess who waited on me hand and foot. And the hotel - it was great! They'd just finished a $25 million remodeling job and now it's the finest hotel in the city. They, too, were overbooked, so they apologized and gave us the presidential suite at no extra charge!" "Well," muttered the barber, "I know you didn't get to see the Pope." "Actually, we were quite lucky, for as we toured the Vatican, a Swiss Guard tapped me on the shoulder and explained that the Pope likes to personally meet some of the visitors, and if I'd be so kind as to step into his private room and wait, the pope would personally greet me. Sure enough, five minutes later the Pope walked through the door and shook my hand! I knelt down and he spoke to me." "Really?" asked the Barber. "What'd he say?" "He said, "Where'd you get the lousy haircut?""

[ernstinen]

Aug 13, 2008, 12:08am, ibanez468 wrote:Stop it ERNST!! Sorry...it's a repeat. "I'll be Bach" HA! A Terminator fan! Loved/Got all 3 movies.I-468Sorry, I-468! You must have sent the Brain Police to visit me last night. They said that if I didn't get my memory together, they'd take out half of my brain and use it for fish bait on Lake Michigan charter boats. O.K. --- before I repeat stale old jokes, I'll ask "Have I told this one?"1.) About the guy that wanted to make some extra money by cutting firewood, and he went to Sears to buy a chainsaw?Ern

[ibanez468]

Aug 13, 2008, 3:05pm, ernstinen wrote:1.) About the guy that wanted to make some extra money by cutting firewood, and he went to Sears to buy a chainsaw? Nope, I don't recall that one!To Be Six Again George was a thoughtful husband. He wanted to give his wife something special for her birthday which was coming up soon. As he sat on the edge of the bed, he watched his wife turning back and forth and looking at herself in the mirror. "Reta," he said, "What would you like for your birthday?" His wife continued to look at herself and said, "I'd like to be six again." George knew just what to do. On the big day, he got up early and made his wife a bowl of Fruit Loops. Then he took her to an amusement park where they rode all the rides. Five hours later, Reta's stomach felt upside down and her head was reeling. Never the less, George took her to McDonald's and bought her a Happy Meal with extra fries and a chocolate shake. Next, it was a movie with popcorn, soda and her favorite candy. As Reta wobbled into the house that evening and flopped on the bed, George asked her, "Well, Dear, what was it like to be six again?" Reta looked up at him. Her expression changed. She said, "I meant my dress size!"

[frodo]

Haha! Very funny!! Thanks for sharing! - until next timefrodoAug 13, 2008, 1:33pm, ibanez468 wrote:OK, this is for all my Italian compagnos. Don't get bent outta' shape or nothin'. It's just a joke. No harm meant. Besides, the comeback is COOL!The Barber A man was getting a haircut prior to a trip to Rome. He mentioned the trip to the barber who responded, "Rome? Why would anyone want to go there? It's crowded, dirty and full of Italians. You're crazy to go to Rome. So, how are you getting there?" "We're taking TWA," was the reply. "We got a great rate!" "TWA?" exclaimed the barber. "That's a terrible airline. Their planes are old, their flight attendants are rude, and they're always late. So, where are you staying in Rome?" "We'll be at the downtown International Marriott." "That dump! That's the worst hotel in the city. The rooms are small, the service is surly and they're overpriced. So, whatcha doing when you get there?" "We're going to go to see the Vatican and we hope to see the Pope." "That's rich," laughed the barber. "You and a million other people trying to see him. He'll look the size of an ant. Boy, good luck on this lousy trip of yours. You're going to need it." A month later, the man again came in for his regular haircut. The barber asked him about his trip to Rome. "It was wonderful," explained the man, "not only were we on time in one of TWA's brand new planes, but it was overbooked and they bumped us up to first class. The food and wine were wonderful, and I had a beautiful 28 year old stewardess who waited on me hand and foot. And the hotel - it was great! They'd just finished a $25 million remodeling job and now it's the finest hotel in the city. They, too, were overbooked, so they apologized and gave us the presidential suite at no extra charge!" "Well," muttered the barber, "I know you didn't get to see the Pope." "Actually, we were quite lucky, for as we toured the Vatican, a Swiss Guard tapped me on the shoulder and explained that the Pope likes to personally meet some of the visitors, and if I'd be so kind as to step into his private room and wait, the pope would personally greet me. Sure enough, five minutes later the Pope walked through the door and shook my hand! I knelt down and he spoke to me." "Really?" asked the Barber. "What'd he say?" "He said, "Where'd you get the lousy haircut?""

[anne]

... oldies, but goodiesQ. Do female frogs croak? A. If you hold their little heads under water long enough. Q.If you're going to make a parachute jump, at least how high should you be?A. Three days of steady drinking should do it. Q. According to Cosmopolitan, if you meet a stranger at a party and you think that he is attractive, is it okay to come out and ask him if he's married?A. No; wait until morning. Q. In Hawaiian, does it take more than three words to say 'I Love You'?A. No, you can say it with a pineapple and a twenty.