Joke of the Minute...

[ibanez468]

[squids]

Bob!! hahahahahahah!!

[squids]

Totally un-pc (my sister's blonde!) but here goes:A girl came skipping home from school one day. 'Mommy, Mommy' , she yelled, 'we were counting today and all the other kids could only count to four, but I counted to 10. See? 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10!''Very good' , said her mother.'Is it because I'm blonde, Mommy?''Yes, it's because you're blonde', her mother replied.The next day, the girl came skipping home from school. 'Mommy, Mommy, ' she yelled, 'we were saying the alphabet today, and all the other kids could only say it to D, but I said it to G. See? A, B, C, D, E, F, G!''Very good', said her mother.'Is it because I'm blonde, Mommy'?'Yes pumpkin, it's because you're blonde'.The next day the girl came skipping home from school. 'Mommy, Mommy', she yelled, 'we were in gym class today and when we showering, all the other girls had flat chests, but I have these!' And she lifted her tank top to reveal a pair of 36Cs. 'Very good', said her embarrassed mother.'Is it because I'm blonde, mommy' ?'No, it's because you're 25.'

[davewalton]

In a trial, a Southern small-town prosecuting attorney called his first witness, a grandmotherly, elderly woman to the stand. He approached her and asked, 'Mrs. Jones, do you know me?' She responded, 'Why, yes, I do know you, Mr. Williams. I've known you since you were a boy, and frankly, you've been a big disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife, and you manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. You think you're a big shot when you haven't the brains to realize you'll never amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you.'The lawyer was stunned. Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across the room and asked, 'Mrs. Jones, do you know the defense attorney?'She again replied, 'Why yes, I do. I've known Mr. Bradley since he was a youngster, too. He's lazy, bigoted, and he has a drinking problem. He can't build a normal relationship with anyone, and his law practice is one of the worst in the entire state. Not to mention he cheated on his wife with three different women. One of them was your wife. Yes, I know him.'The defense attorney sat in embarassing disbelief.The judge asked both counselors to approach the bench and, in a very quiet voice, said, "If either of you idiots asks her if she knows me, I'll send you both to the electric chair!"

[drew]

This is funnier than any joke I can tell:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IlWDJQXe ... ture=email

[bmete]

Why you don't honk your horn at old ladies http://www.reddproductions.net/grannyairbag.wmv

[bmete]

This is an actual 911 call-- hysterical!http://www.reddproductions.net/math911.wmv

[ibanez468]

Presidential Accident One day the president was out jogging and accidentally fell from a ridge into a very cold river. Three boys, playing along the river, saw the accident. Without a second thought, they jumped in the water and dragged the wet president out of the river. After cleaning up he said, "Boys, you saved the President of the United States today. You deserve a reward. You name it, I'll give it to you." The first boy said, "Please, I'd like a ticket to Disneyland!" "I'll personally hand it to you," said Mr. President. "I'd like a pair of Nike Air Turbos," the second boy said. "I'll buy them myself and give them to you," said the grateful president. "And I'd like a wheelchair with a stereo in it," said the third boy. "I'll personally ... wait a second, son, you're not handicapped!" "No -- but I will be when my dad finds out I saved you from drowning."

[drew]

An effective way to deal with predators is to taste terrible.~ Unknown

[mojobone]

Yep, it's the primary defense mechanism of the opossum, though the secondary defense, "playing 'possum" or pretending to be dead, is better known. Feel free to PM me for a recipe.